Breakups & Divorce Support Group

for the ones that dont know the story here it is in short , hubby of 23 years always the loving doting family man who worshipped the ground i walked on and was the perfect hubby and father ,started with depression 3 years ago , we had alot going on son was on drugs ,we had already lost nephew through drugs and was sort of reliving it again with our son ,hubby and me are so anti drugs as we have seen the outcome and what it does ,hubby got deeper and deeper into depression to point we hardly talked or we argued ,i was off long term sick due to panic attacks cudnt go out alone ect which took its toll on both of us ,he then lost his job through his depression ,he had never been out of work he was in bed all day up all night on pc ,i was then made redundant ,so no money coming in and debts piling up,losing house was on cards and i was battling to try to sort it all out , couldnt talk to hubby for fear his depession would get worse and he refused to get help with it ,the more i tried to help the more he got defensive and pushed me away ,so i started spending time upstairs watching tv while he was downstairs on pc , i thought he obviously needs some space ,this was my 1st and biggest mistake as he started talking to a woman in greece on internet ,i didnt know at 1st but when i did he just said they were friends , i had no reason to doubt him i trusted him with a room full of women ,he always said he had the best no need to look elsewhere ,so this carried on ,i was getting angry because hed sit up all night then in bed all day , i hardly saw him but knew it was the depression and i was so busy trying to help son and sort debt out i suppose i didnt notice things were getting worse between us .After only 2 months of talking to the tart as i call her she was arranging to come over to uk as i found out by snooping on his pc alarm bells started ringing and i logged on his email account sure enough she messaged me telling me thinking i was hubby have you told her yet you dont love her ,were not being fair on her are we , i can get flight 11th june 09 do you want to meet me ect ,i carried on looking at his pc found photos of her and a vid of her taking her top off ,i was physically sick , not my hubby ,he wudnt do this , i told her it was me she was talking to and gave her a few choice words but she wudnt answer me so i sent emails and messages to every1 of his and her friends telling them what they were upto this was my 2nd mistake , i pushed hubby further away he said i was blowing it out of proportion ,she send video n pics ,she said she was coming over ,he never made any arrangements but now id told everyone he was carrying on with this tart and ruined his reputation and lost alot of friends through it , he could never forgive me for that , he said he couldnt help it if she was infatuated with him they were just friends nothing more . I couldnt let it go and kept on n on about it ,making matters worse ,i felt everytime i went downstairs he shut pc off making me more suspicious and driving us further and further apart , i asked him to delete her n he refused so i walked out he said that proves you dont trust me its a pc and were just friends ,so i moved in with my daughter only 5 minutes away we said we would have a break , i was coming home daily or near enough to see to mail ect and my son was still at home ,hubby said it wasnt a break we are still seeing each other and you questioning me everytime you come im sick of it i need to get away ,so he did for 10 days to coast to clear his head but i couldnt help thinking maybe he was meeting her ,i wasnt sleeping or eating and staying at daughters on airbed , i managed to get a job but was so tired not sleeping right and thought im paying for bills n house and hes sat there talking to her so im going back home and he can stay at daughters ,he wasnt happy bout that but i didnt care i wasnt staying there living out of a suitcase and working shifts while he sat in comfort , so he comes back from trip away and i know i shouldnt have but started questioning him soon as he came in but i needed to know ,he went on to say didnt know what he wanted anymore , he was miserable and felt there was nothing left for him here , i was so hurt and angry we argued worse than ever and he went to sisters, i then finds the tarts phone number one day while i was cleaning and kept ringing her then hanging up i also sent her messages which wasnt really nice and so out of character for me but i wanted to hurt her like she hurt me , this made me push hubby further and further away constant questioning him and sending her nasty messages and him aswell calling him a liar and a cheat something he still denies this went on and i tried every which way i could think of to save our marriage but unfortunately it was all the wrong ways and just made the gap bigger between us .He was getting questioning off his mum ,his sister,our kids ,his uncle and me ,he couldnt handle it , so when the tart said come here i can get you job in greece, he started to think about it but for next two months kept telling me he was coming home and telling others he was going to greece ,i know the depression was big part of it but his head was so mixed up and in debt, risk of losing house, no money ,son on drugs and no job and us not getting on greece must have seemed like heaven , i never ever thought he would go through with it and day before he left told me he still loves me ect ,stayed til 6 30 am by 9am hed gone and so was his case ,no note for anyone or phone call just went without a word .Nobody could believe it ,me his mum his sis and kids were totally devasted that he could just walk away without a word ,this was not the man we all knew but obviously his state of mind must have been really bad to walk out on everything without a backward glance .He rang his mum 2 days later to say he was ok but she said it was very short , he rang 2 more times over following week but only his mum not the kids or his sister or me ,i tthen learnt him and his tart were sat on cam together in a chatroom but everyone was disgusted with them both made them feel uncomfortable and left , i made a new nickname up and sent them a nasty message didnt know it was me but obviously it upset her because he said sorry i got to go ,i then made another up a mans name and that wasnt nice either told hubby what a loser he were and his wife desreved better , he got it into his head this guy(who was me)was seeing me lol hubby didnt like it 1 bit and started sending me messages to add him he needed to talk saying he missed me could he come home ect ,he had only been gone a week lol so after a week of him pleading to add him i did , he said he could come home i just had to say yes or no but i wudnt say anything it was his choice to go not mine so i then get a message saying flights booked and he landed back in uk 3 weeks after he left but i wasnt totally sure why .He called night he landed and in 1st 2 hours asked who this guy was i was seeing and if i was id got to sell house ,said that was only reason he was back because of message he got why should he care if he was ok in greece ? i think he expected me to welcome him back with open arms but i didnt and think it hurt him and that was his way of getting back at me but told him i wasnt seeing any1 nor was i selling even if i was nothing to do with him we went for a drink because it was getting heated in house and not fair on son to hear us arguing , i sent some personal conversations and all emails he had sent me sayin he missed me to the tart and told hubby ihad he was disgusted with me and said why didnt i do it while he was still in greece ,he would never have come back had he known i was going to do that lol .he calmed down told me he had missed me and wasnt sure what he was going to do yet but made it look like there was hope after all , swears nothings went on with her not sure if i believe that but no way of finding out when i dropped him at his sisters where hes staying he asked when he would see me again i just said dont know he said il see you tomorrow then but he didnt show or next day infact 5 days later had to go to party at daughters and he was there i never mentioned why he hadnt been nor us just acted normal as posssible and just answered him when i had to with short sharp answers , i think his ego was hurt because i rejected his advances the night he returned anyway not seen him or heard from him despite being 5 mins away from me since 5th november til 15th november when he called to see our son who had got a job working nights and was starting that night hubby wanted to see him before he went but misssed him as son went in early so he stayed for coffee and another and we just chatted about nothing really we decided to go for a drink and it was nice , told me how good i looked and was ok , when we left i asked if he wanted dropping off at sisters he says ohhh ok your not inviting me back for coffee i said come back if you want but im going to get on with decorating so he did felt bit awkward but was ok he said after an hour or so i best go i just said ok casually and he left 5 mins after he was knocking on door he asked could he stay bit longer i knew there was something he wanted to say but didnt , he had another coffee and moved in to kiss me i returned this one but then moved hurt his ego again lo and he said i best go 5 mins after he rang me to say he thinks the going for drink was a mistake and wont happen again i said whats your problem now he says i think you know i made advances towards you and you shoved me away lol you showed no feelings towards me , so i told him because each time i have hes then told others its over making me look a fool ,he came back up and we talked til 5am he said we could go back to dating as i suggested before he went to greece see how it goes im scared he will hurt me again hes still talking to her though he says not as much and hes learning greek says its just something to do while not working he started learning it there and just carried it on ,i try so hard not to get angry about him still talking to her and not sure what his intentions are but love him so much i want to try to work it out but so scared he could just take off again im in so much turmoil i dont know what to do , were supposed to be going on 1st date tomorrow and im so nervous its unreal any advice guys good or bad i just need some outside input on this one
Posted on 11/18/09, 08:42 am