What is Breakups Divorce
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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Why is it so hard to move on???
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I'm new to this support group and you all may have read this a hundred times from different people. But please bare with me and if you experienced something similar and are doing better, please tell me what to do.
I was married for 28 years, have 4 children. One morning he woke up and announced the usual "I love you but not in love with you" line. We have being separated now for three years. I must say that during these years we have being intimate several times, but he always goes back to a few of his girlfriends. Says he still has feelings for me and then tells me it will take a miracle to feel like he use to for me again. When I go on a date he texts me and tells me that he knows I don't believe him but he cares about me more than I think. I reminded him about his allusion to the miracle and he answers that's not true and I know it. Off again with the girlfriends and the partying. I work with him every day, I need this job, so I see him, I live in a very small town where we all know each other, so I see him, I hear about who his dates. I bump into him at places. I just can't get away from the pain. I'm not interested in other men. I'm barely interested in going out myself. I'm depressed, I'm hurt. I beleive he brings his girlfriends to my home (I moved away) where I raised my children, where our things still are. I know, I know, stop letting him use me, stop being available to him. But how do you end an obsession, how do you stop loving someone? How do you stop this pain and move on with your life. I want to scream at him, I want to strangle him, I'm in so much pain! Posted on 11/06/09, 04:11 pm |
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Oh my...wow does this sound like me for so long, I will be back in bit to offer what I can, for now I am bumping you up to the top...hugs to you today! 
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Have you considered counseling? I am doing it and it helps a lot on getting stronger, figuring out what you want - and don't want - in yor life... knowing yourself and the reasons we do things... best wishes to you...
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Marcrq-time to move on. I was married for 23 years and should have left much earlier. I suffered through affairs, drinking, and lies for years. The "I love you but I'm not in love with you" is a BS line that you don't have time for. I also suggest joining Divorce after 20 Years of Marriage. I did and found it to be very helpful. We all travelled the same path.
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For what is worth. Don't be afraid of suffering, sooner or later you will have to put an end to it. How do you stop loving someone? first you deattach, then grief the loss, then times takes care of the rest.
There is nothing wrong with you right now, it is just that you are already suffering without deattaching,,,wish you the best.
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My divorce is almost final and like you I don't feel like there will ever be relief from my grief. But the others are right, counseling is the key and I'm hoping it will work for me. I would also recommend that you take advantage of any support groups you may have. Family, friends, etc..
Be well.
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