What is Breakups Divorce
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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How to move on after a break up?
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Hello, new member of the community here. I'm 19 years old and recently broke up with my boyfriend of a year. Silly as this may sound, he was my first real love, and also my best friend (our relationship stemmed from a friends-turned-lovers situation), and we had a very intense relationship - we spent practically every day together, we even worked at the same place and the same hours! After moving away with my family and living together for 2 weeks, there was a huge argument and he asked me to choose between him and my family. I obviously chose my family, so in response he dumped me and moved back home (he's from a town 300 miles away, I used to live there which is how we met) with his own family, cutting all communication with me completely.
Now I'm just completely heartbroken. It doesn't help that I'm off work for a few weeks so I have nothing to do all day. I keep going through it all in my head and it drives me crazy. I keep thinking of all the things we did together this time last year when we first started going out. I know I'm literally torturing myself but I can't help it. EVERYTHING reminds me of him. I do sometimes get a chance to take my mind off it; I'll spend time with my family watching TV or playing board games etc. Also this might sound completely ridiculous but I find I always have to keep my bedroom door open, especially at night. I find if I shut it and I'm in there alone it's too depressing. I can't put a DVD on or play video games because it seems to depress me even more. I just feel like I have this cloud hanging over me all the time and I don't quite know what to do? It also doesn't help that all my close and best friends are back in my old town and so none of them are here for me to physically spend time with. I only have one real friend in this city and she's a girl I used to go to school with... but because she lives all the way on the other side of the city I rarely see her. So I just feel really really lonely. Anybody have any advice that can help me kick this dark cloud that's hanging over my head? I know the heart takes time to heal after a break up, but I just want to know how to lift up my mood. I don't want to drag the rest of my family down with me, and I don't want to go any deeper into this hole. For the first time in my life I'm not looking forward to Christmas... the idea of it all just depresses me. I really need to know how to cheer up? Would especially love to hear from anyone who's been through the same thing. Appreciate any responses I get, thanks in advance :) Posted on 11/05/09, 11:11 am |
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Get outside and be with nature.
Find ways to make new friends based on common interests. Take up a new interest...read about the history of the BBC or something... Get counseling or find a support group. 
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It takes time to heal. Time. You are young and I know that doesn't help right at the moment, but sometimes we don't see what we need to do in order to get to something better. Healing hurts, especially emotional wounds. I've had my heart broken badly three times in my life - the last one being the worst. Journal your thoughts on here, see a therapist if you can, go to church and make some new friends.
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I am in your same situation! I too am not looking forward to Christmas (my husband’s birthday and Christmas are days apart). I’m 22 years old and ending my two-year relationship (one year dating, one year married). We have always done everything together. He was my first everything: first boyfriend, first kiss, first love, first marriage, and now first ex.
I dread this entire holiday season because it is so much about being with him in my mind. But what is helping me is planning on being with my family and doing things with friends. This is important because my husband, like your boyfriend, made me decide between him and my family. Whenever a man does that, run the other way! I chose my man over my family for two years and during that time my husband was controlling and manipulative to the point that I got severely depressed and had anxiety attacks. He wanted to have power over me and if my family was there for me, he didn’t have that control. Looking back, I see that the relationship was all about him and the power that he could get from bossing me around. You did the right thing! You got out of a controlling relationship at the first warning signs. You should be so proud of yourself! So now you need to live for yourself! To get out of my depression, I have found that it is helpful is to make a list of things that I want to do, especially if I couldn’t do those things because of my husband’s bossing around. My advice is to write down EVERYTHING you want to do, even if it is too expensive or crazy. Then start to do some of the little things. Get outside for a walk, go to the bookstore just to browse, or buy yourself flowers. YOU ARE WORTH IT. Let your family know that you are trying and are aware of how you may be affecting them. Hopefully they will understand and can help you. Talk to them. Journal. Get out of your head. Don’t isolate yourself: I know it’s hard, but isolation feeds that dark cloud! I know you can conquer this. Don’t let him continue to control you, even after he’s shut you out of his life. You are worth fighting for. With great admiration, L
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