What is Breakups Divorce
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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So to sum up, my wife (I say wife because we are still married) left last January. She took my children with her (boy 2 yrs, girl 6 years), needed to spread her wings and do things herself. The complication here is that she is legally blind and can not drive a car. She felt that I was to controlling in our 11 year relationship (5 years dating, 6 years married). There is a back story behind that, but I wont get into it.
Over the last year, i have been providing transportation, bringing her to the grocery store, kids to the Docs, kids to school, etc... I am trying to be a good father, and I want to have a close relationship with my children. I provide her with a great deal of assistance that normally an ex would not provide. From an emotional standpoint, I do have feelings for my wife. I'm the levee, not the leaver. It's been a slow process, but I'm finally over the crying, horrible emotional loss phase of this thing. She has feelings for me as well, but I believe at this point it is more as a "provider and friend" then intimate/romantic in nature. From a legal standpoint, she filed for divorce back in February of this year, and I recently discovered that she had stopped paying her lawyer and that is why there is no progress on the divorce. I'm consulting with my lawyer on what to do to carry things forward. I have been paying and will continue to pay a significant amount of support to her so that she can take care of the kids and herself. So with the backstory there, and with the understanding that I am going to carry this divorce forward as I think it is what is in my best interest at this point. My question is this. How do I step out of this provider roll and move on with my life. I know realistically that she can not take care of the children by herself, and I know that my priority at least for now is making sure that they are taken care of. However, I just cant wrap my head around what needs to be done to step away from this daily care-taker roll without being cold hearted about it, and without feeling like I am failing to care for my kids as their father. Advice is appreciated. Posted on 11/04/09, 10:11 pm |
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Can you accept custody of the children? 
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I can and would, but she demands custody and in my state, it's hard for fathers to get custody if the mother wants it. My lawyer advised against trying to get it during the initial settlement.
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Really? Interesting. I wouldn't have thought that even 50/50 would be a battle anywhere under amicable circumstances.
Tough situation. The children are so young and she is disabled--she would need help. I am not familiar with this situation other than thinking that you might want to interview another lawyer. If you are well and she, disabled, it just makes sense that you'd be the primary caregiver or at least 50/50, considering the children.
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wow....this is a really difficult situation....you sound like a great man, compassionate, patient, empathetic and nurturing....but - absolutely you need to set boundaries....she chose to leave - she needs to face the reality and the consequences of her choice...I understand the responsibility to your children but - not to her. You are not her caretaker, your role needs to be as the father of her children - and thats all. Given her vision impairment I wonder if her limitations wouldn't help you with the custody agreement. You should not still be required to be a care provider to her!
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I'd get a second opinion on the custody from another lawyer.
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