What is Breakups Divorce
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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Cheating and coping.(sorry its so long)
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I found out my boyfriend cheated on me the first 4-6 months of our relationship over the computer, flirting with other girls and even goign as far as having "cyber sex." with a girl. And he manipulated me to do sexual things with him. We've been together over a year. Even before I found out he changed his way. He says he's sorry. He even cries at times. He even dropped all of his friends and deleted his myspace account. I know I don't really belong here but I thought people here would be willing to alk with me about this whole mess.
We talk through it all the time. I go through episodes almost everyday, where I cry and not do anything but stare and he'll hold me ad tell me he loves me, and wont leave my side. And that's when we talk. He seems to really be sorry. But I just don't know. . I told him that I need time to get back the trust I had in him, and to do anything sexual. He said it was fine and he'd do it. But I'm afraid he might cheat again. Because we were not yet having sex when the cheating happened and I don't want him to do the same thing. But at the same time I don't think he will. He's like a whole knew person. I don't know how to go about this whole thing. I don't know how I should act. How I should feel. I don't want to break up. I can't imagine being without him. We're together as much as possible. I have no friends. He's the only friend and person who cares for me I love him. I posted this already, but I want to add more. Today was better than most. Though I did have one of my episodes he got me thorugh it. And I'm starting to feel a little better one day at a time. I just don't know. I don't feel like I should be happy. I don't know if it's okay to let go of something like that or not. Should I start trying to be myself again? I really think he is sorry. I know everyone thinks they never are, but I don't know. I'm just so confused. Posted on 11/04/09, 03:11 pm |
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one day, hour and minute at a time.
Why don't you feel like you should be happy? You mean cus of what has one on between you two? Or something in general you just don't feel like you should be? 
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I don't really understand what you are asking.
If you love him and feel as though he is really remorseful, then I say give it your best.. If you are holding back, then you are not being honest with him. He seems to be patient and kind enough to see the pain he has put you through and is trying to make amends.... right? If this relationship is what you want, then I say you have to give all of yourself also!
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It is NEVER healthy or a good idea to build your entire life around another person. I dont mean to dismiss your feelings, because I have no doubt they are very real...however, you really really should not be putting the entire responsibility for your happiness on someone else - it will not work in the long run, please believe me. Eventually your boyfriend is likely to resent being the only one in your life to bring you happiness, it's just too much to ask of one person. You should absolutely do everything possible to work on developing friendships, interests, goals first - boyfriends second. I dont mean to sound patronizing, but realistically this is not the first AND last love of your life sweetheart, not at 17. Heck, not even if you were 40!
As far as the 'cyber cheating' well...you have to stick to your values. If you are truly unhappy and this is a deal breaker for you, than break the deal. NEVER compromise your morals, integrity or values to please another person...or to hold unto one. You mentioned that he 'manipulated you into doing sexual things with you' - that's not good! Being intimate with someone should be about mutual respect, regard and desire - not to keep a boyfriend who might otherwise 'cheat'. Please think this over carefully, maybe consider talking to a parent, older relative, school counselor, minister, just someone who can give you sound objective advice. Take care of yourself first, always!
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