What is Breakups Divorce
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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I am at a really tough point. I am in a relationship in which I've been incredibly happy. I've never felt so safe and relaxed and like I am having fun in a relationship. However, my boyfriend of seven months is applying to law school for next fall. He has had this dream for years. He could up anywhere around the country. We agreed to just see where he gets in/ decides to go to school, and then based on where we are in our relationship at at point, decide what to do about us. We are both 26. I already have a graduate degree and could see myself getting married in the next few years. He is less certain of anything like that. He is focused on getting into school. What is REALLY frustrating is that I was in this SAME situation with my last boyfriend. Needless to say it didn't end well, although I also never actually felt happy with him.
To top it all off, my boyfriend "doesn't know whether or not he loves me." He has never said he loves girlfriends before except for once in high school, and he didn't even love that person. He says he doesn't know how you're supposed to know that you're in love, but that to him it seems like it should be when you are more certain you will marry the person. He also thinks that it is hard to decide if you're in love when you know you might be moving away from someone. I feel very strongly for him and feel that I need to be a in a relationship where I love you's are exchanged. All of this was discussed for the first time tonight, and he is going to take some time to think about what love means and the future and we will talk in a few days. I am considering leaving the relationship, although part of that seems crazy to me, as I was feeling so happy with him everyday until about a week ago when I just panicked about all of this. Is it normal for people to wait and let someone else's love grow if it's not there for sure after 7 months? Is it time for me to set sail, even though it seems crazy given all we do have? I don't know but I would greatly appreciate others' thoughts and own experiences that might be helpful. xoxo Posted on 11/04/09, 03:11 am |
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Hi camdc,
I say, do NOT wait around for this guy. true love is worth fighting for. complacency is not. just because you're happy and feel safe in the relationship doesn't mean he's "the one". plus, if he's willing to move on with his own life, wherever it takes him, AND on top of it he's not sure if he loves you - move on!! break it off now, you never know, he could realize just how much he's lost.... hope this helps! 
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7 months? That certainly doesnt seem like a long time. I am guessin with the news of him possibly moving away pushed the issue to the front, but at the same time, it has only been 7 months, thus not a lifetime that makes. I think many times, we all look for immediate gratification. That if we are looking for a serious relationship that we should know right off the bat if the person we are interested in having that with, is "the one". Many times, this rushes what naturally takes time to build the very trust and love we seek.
Dont get me wrong, I think if he is moving, there is a discussion to be had about the relationship since it seems to be exclusive. Such questions as, should we continue it? Do you think a long distance relationship could work? Are our proximities close enough to sustain and continue to grow in what was already started. But to ask if this is already love? Do you see you spending your life with me? Do you see marriage after 7 months, is just a bit too soon to be asking. just my 50 cents whatever it is worth.
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