What is Breakups Divorce
Divorce or dissolution of marriage is the ending of a marriage before the death of either spouse. The main causes of divorce in 2004, according to a recent study, were extra-marita...
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HELP PLEASE
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I married my husband at 19 in 2007, left my university to go live with him in Arizona, endured some verbal and physical abuse, and dealing with exes and other girls. Then he relocated and didn't want me with him so i went back to my dad,a nd i would go visit him in Georgia every month. Then in may of last year he came to new jersey to visit me adn family before he left to south korea, and he BARELY spent any time with me, and when he did we fought, he threw my keys down a forested hill so i wouldn't go home, and said i could'nt leave him because he has to pay for his new car, then he drove me around like a nut, me crying hysterically trying to get out, hed punch me in the stomach and then took me home and i said, i don't know why i deal with this. and he said "your disgusting, I had to deal with your anorexic bulshit" nd iwas numb ( i am naturally skinny not anorexic) and he left. I then decided I had enough and filed for a divorce, before i did he had already emptied out the joint account.
Finally, he was in South Korea calling constantly I would pick up at times and cry, but eventually stopped. we then stopped talking for months and in November of lastyear i started desperateley contacting me again, little did i know why. We spoke and i decided I cuold talk to him and see howthigns went since I really did care for him and we were married. we went jan. until May talking when finally I spoke to his grandmother and mother and they broke the news to me that he had gotten a 'married female solider pregnant 8 months ago. I was devastated, in school, could not focus. He then sobbed and came to visit me again, showed up at my job, stayed outside my house until i gave in. I am much too nice i know. now he went to Ft. Bragg,I still wanted to get the divorce but had no address for him, he refused to give it to me. he is now seeing another girl and it hurts. the other girl stayed married to her husband and put 'her' husband on the birth certificate. Meanwhile all this time he has not payed me any support that he gets for being married to me and i feel very much walked all over, i would like to know if there is any way i can leave with some dignity and pride and a peice of mind still and whether i should just divorce him or ask for money in the divorce also, maybe alledging his infidelity also, i am not sure, time is wasting and i want to be free, but I am afraid of him not loving me and me notlovig him ihave gotten so used to it, my friends can't be trusted and my parents are going through a divorce and my mom hasn't spoken to me sinec this started i need advice i would greatly appreciate it. Thank u! :D Posted on 10/29/09, 09:10 am |
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You're young. You need a ton of counseling to overcome being abused, and allowing yourself to be abused.
My advice....Forget the money. I sounds like you have a caring family that is willing to help you out. Get your divorce, and get it as soon as possible. You need to completely detach from this man, from his family, and from anything having anything to do with him. Chalk this up has a high price paid, and a valuable lesson learned. Finish school, get some counseling, get on your feet, and start your life. You are too nice? No...you aren't. You are not being nice to yourself. You get no points for niceness in this situation, although I'm sure you are a very nice person. Get counseling, and stay with us here through this... HUGS to you. 
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You are in contact with his sister and mother? Would they give you an address for him? If not have you contacted the military? The military typically doesn't support this type of "hiding" behaviour from a wife, so I imagine they would assist you in tracking him down. You do need to sever ties and make this divorce happen.
Also, have you thought of joining a support group - in person? I would love to see you with the support you need, and if you currently do not have friends and family to lean on, I would suggest finding another social group to lean on. Best of luck. We're here for you.
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Call a lawyer.... you're going to need all the help you can get. The military is a whole different world and has it's own set of rules.
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Move on with your life, This guy is abusive.
File for the divorce, don't take his calls, get an order of protection and if he comes over call the cops. I wish you the best!
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leandra, your young enough to be my daugher and this is what i would tell her. physical violence is unacceptable. this man is volitile. get in touch with his commanding officer and tell him your filing for divorce and this man has physically abused you. he has not taken care of you financially at all. then file for divorce. stay away from him, don't communicate with him for any reason unless it's via e-mail so you have proof of what is being said. do not take his calls. i know your afraid, but you do not under any circumstances deserved to be treated like this. if you don't have the support of friends and family, you need to be strong enough to do this on your own. and you can do it. you will have plenty of support on this web site believe me. if he shows up at your home, job, school, call the police, get a restraining order against him. you don't want someone like that loving you. he doesn't know how to love. believe me, you'll have plenty of motherly, sisterly and friendly advice here and plenty of people that will love and support you. counseling would be very helpful so you can gain the self-esteem and self-confidence you need. respect yourself enough not to put up with this behavior. think about what you would tell a friend or sister, perhaps someday a daughter going through this and then follow that advice. please honey, end this horrible marriage now. don't let fear keep you from freeing yourself and living a happy and abuse free life. concentrate on you and your education. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
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Sweety look into co dependency and see if you feel like this is you. Saying your nice by allowing someone to abuse you is not NICE, its being a floor mat. Get some therapy right away, you are young and can get through this.
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You need to see an attorney asap. Divorce his ass--you don't need a lying, cheating physical abuser in your life.
You also need to contact a counselor. You need to find out why you're taking his abuse. Hugs!
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Its crazy how we let ourselves get into these situations. Things start out good then spiral down and we hang on at first because we think it might get better. Then we hold on because we've conditioned ourselves to keep hanging on even though we intuitively know the relationship is bad for us. This is how we go from "sane rational person" to "abused victim who cant see the forest for the trees" Sometimes these relationships even become addictive, to both the victim and the agressor.
Its good you realize you need to get away and end this. Cut your losses. Forget concept of win or lose. Forget the money, etc if you can. By walking away you are keeping your dignity. You are also ending the cycle of abuse with this man. And you refusing to play the victim and feed h is drama anymore is going to throw him for a bigger loop than you are going to believe. You will likely find that by walking away, not returing his calls, not dealing with his BS that he will try to come running back or will get suddenly very needy. Addictive and dysfunctional relationships are 2-way streets. He is getting something out of your reactions to his drama. When that ends by you walking away and saying "enough! Im cutting my losses and I dont want to have anything to do with you" you will be taking away something from him. Something he has probably grown very used to and it will be scary for him and he is going to want that back. If he should try to come back, pretending to be everything you ever wanted him to be resist the urge to believe him. He would be trying to get back the hole that was left from losing his dysfunctional relationship with you. After a few weeks of good it will go back to the way it was for both of you. Hopefully this made sense and was helpful :) Hope that makes sense!
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