Breakups & Divorce Support Group

It took a few months..When I finally realized he was leaving for good and wanted a divorce I took down pictures and took off my wedding ring. When I moved out of our family home about two years after this it still was hard to find pictures and mementos from him....But it does get easier. I found a picture the other day and it didn't trigger any emotions...Big hugs to you..

my ex left six months ago and it took me about four months to put stuff away for good ... I probably should have done it sooner, though. Just find a box, place all the items that wrench your heart into it, and place it in the garage/attic/basement until you are ready too look again ... when you do, you'll probably realize that you weren't ready and will put the box away again for awhile longer. *hugz*

I have very few photos of the ex. The ones I have are from a happier time in our lives and I guess I'm weird. They don't bother me. Most of them have our daughter in them and how do I put those away. I still cherish those happy times before it got really bad.

Mine was a serial cheater too so I guess I had time to come to terms with what he was and always will be before I divorced him.

I wouldn't throw photos away right now. Pack them away and pick a time frame to deal with them in the future. If you have children they might like to have them. Like me, you might not mind the memories from a happier time.

Thanks girls! I probably should put them away. I feel like he left me a long time ago even though he was still here and I'm left to pick up all the pieces while still being in shock mode.

I know this is really happening now, so putting those heart jerkers away will probably do me good MerryCran. I can always pull them out if I want to but don't have to deal with the daily struggles.

The next day.

I couldn't handle it.

trisha, your right. He was a part of my life for so long. I want to remember the happy times, maybe just not now while it's still painful. Thanks!

In the beginning, when he left, I didn't know about the affairs. Before he moved out I stole a shirt he had worn and hid it. I slept with it balled up beside me for that first week or two, hugged it as I cried myself to sleep. In the beginning, I didn't understand why he gave up on us, why he didn't remember how good we used to be and why he wasn't willing to move heaven and earth to get back to that. In the beginning. When I found out about his affairs and him screwing his "best friend" while we were getting marriage counselling, every single piece of anything attached to him got the heave ho! The shirt I slept with? I burned it in my backyard while I sent a curse on him and his other woman up to the heavens. It felt damn good because I know the universe was listening. I removed everything that reminded me of him. I repainted rooms, I bought a new bedroom set and mattress, I re-did flooring and even christmas decorations and dishes. There is very little in this house that speaks to his existance and it was the best therepy I could ask for. I still live in the house we shared for 9 of the 13 years BUT it is all ME from top to bottom now. This also includes the people in it. I have people over all the time. Friends drop by whenever they want to and I fill my house with them often.
If you can't permanently get rid of things I agree with the suggestion of packing them away and putting them somewhere that you don't see it every day. As soon as you are stong enough get rid of it all. Don't spend so much time looking backwards that you miss your own future in front of you, okay? (((HUGS)))

Thanks newwoman! I stole a shirt too! I haven't slept with it, I just wanted to have it in case I just wanted to remember his colonge. It was one of his favorites too, I know he'll miss it. oops, sorry! I hope I can burn it one day! I promise, I'll let you know when I do!!

I kept our bedroom suite to make him mad. His mother bought it for him before we got together. I didn't let him have anything but his clothes, Cd's & tools. I plan on getting rid of the bed as soon as the divorce is final. I just didn't want him to have a bed. He is sleeping on an air matress in his new apartment. i do hate that! :P

I threw out many of the pictures two months after he left when I too found out he was cheating. Pawned all the jewelry, didn't get much but just the satisfaction, took all the bedding threw it all out and bought new stuff. That was 4 months ago. I still find odds and ends and it feels sooo good to toss it into the garbage like I should have done him a long time ago. Funny part, he left without even asking for anything or any pictures. Just took my big TV. Hope it broke. I don't think I have anything left of him around, just the stupid memories in my head. Wish I could toss those out too. Maybe when I get over my bitterness and resentment they'll go away too!!

Get the book by Karen Kingston, "Creating Sacred Spaces."
Depending on how fast you want to get over this relationship - clear out all his stuff.
It makes the healing process go sooooooooo much faster and you will feel so much better.