Brain Injury Support Group

mdrauch2066
Before I had my daughter, I used to be suicudal, but I haven't ever tried anything since I've had her. I can relate though, I've been through alot since I've had my little girl & I would love to just make things go away, or fix the parts that are broken, but I can't. And I know that I can't do away with myself because that is the cowards way out - atleast that's what I tell myself. Since I've had my daughter, I just don't even let it become an option! I do get depressed, I try to ignore it, but sometimes it gets very hard to ignore & I just fall apart. If you ever need to talk, please know that I am here. I am also new to this site :) You have my hugs & support! I hope that the meds that they put you on are helping... I wish that I was brave enough to admit to a Dr that I need help, but I have a husband with a TBI and a daughter to take care of, so it's like I don't feel like I have the time to fix myself right now, I just concentrate on taking care of them.

mdrau. Hi I'm Kelly a 12 yr post TBI survivor. I too had and still do have some gait and balance impairments but with time, it does get better. Last evening I went to an exercise get together where we did something called synergestics. We used this triangle weight called a pocket gym. it was a really good workout. Here is a link to the program. http://www.pocketgym.com , Also the first anti-depressant I was prescribed was zoloft, it was awful so then I was put on effxor, it caused terrible mood swings, so I got off all of those and put myself on cymbalta. it seems to be working as I'm better able to handle emotional outbursts now. Before my injury I had graduated college in 1987 with a degree in PR-Ad. My injury was in 1997 and a lot of tech changes affected Advertising media, internet for one. So I had to do something. While in rehab I decided I wanted my vocation to be a healer (not a doctor) but someone that helps relieve others pain or distress. I chose massage therapy. The rehab facility told me that wasn't a good occupation for me because I wouldn't be able to lear or remember all the bones & muscles because of my TBI. My reply was to watch me. So I quit that rehab center and went to massage school. I graduated and got my license as a massage therapist in 2001. While it wasn't a piece of cake, I just had to learn some accomodation skills. Then I went back to college in 2005 to try for another degree that would keep me in the holistic health field, a field that can help people using different techniques besides drugs or alcohol. I graduated in 2007 as a recreation therapist. I have been offered a job as a live-in caregiver companion for an elderly gentleman at his beach front condo in Florida. I'm moving down Monday. Trust me, "where there's a "Will", there's a way"
Kelly

Amen Kelly!!!

Hi Mike, I hope you are doing better. I am a caregiver for my son is is a few years younger than you. He got sick with a brain virus. He has had many ups and downs. Last week was a massive downer and he is starting to come out of it. I hope you have good doctors who can get you some meds if you need it. My son has been suicidal due to his injury but has never actually tried to do anything, just talk. But, it is very scary. He sees a neuro-psychiatrist who is awesome and really helps him. I am unfamiliar with your meds but my son is on a sleeping medication, an anti-depressant and also on a focusing medication (he is a senior in high school). I have problems sleeping as well. But, I know it may seem easy to say as I am not in your shoes but maybe you quit trying to fall asleep as that may even be more frustrating and do something with your time. Write a book about your experience and maybe it will help another person, read a book, learn something new. I told my son if he really can't sleep then he can turn the volume off on the tv and watch the tape at the bottom of the screen on fox news. really boring and may help you fall asleep. My son is also a volunteer coach for an inner city program. He had also volunteered at a day care. The kids loved him and would come running up and hugged him. He felt wanted, needed and loved and not to mention was really helping out these programs. I know, from a caregiver perspective, how hard it is, but don't give up, Mike. Just like the other reply said when there is a will there is a way. A very close friend of mine has a autistic son with a severe anxiety disorder. He is your age. At 4, his parents were advised to institutionalize him and give up. His mom said no way, no chance. Today, he graduated high school, works full time for a city in the planning dept. archiving plans, drives, has a personal trainer and is doing amazing. They never gave up and neither did this wonderful young man. set some realistic goals, find new friends if you need that (the hardest part for my son as his friends all abandoned him) and just be the best guy you can be. I wish you so much good luck. jackieb

thank u all

I know your pain. Not only have i delt with depression sense a child but , i also have Post Concusive syndrom anlong with a brain aneurysm. I know my spelling sucks, that is part of the brain damage. All of this makes my depression much worse, to the point that sometimes I am disappointed when I wake up. I wish I could tell you that the pills will work, sometimes it takes you a while to find the right ones for your body, The important thing to remember is that when you find the right pills you will begin to see a glimmer of light in all the darkness. In the meanwhile focus on the thing you can do. Your life will never be the same, if you have the courage it will be better! There are a lot of us out there who struggle the same as you, so you are never alone. Everyone considers committing suicide, its only the strong who truly want to live who have the courage to talk about it. You may not see that strength within yourself but, it is there as plain as day! Life is not ment to be easy, so you are one of us, the damaged but not broken! Find your reason to not give up, you have so much to offer the world and you don't even know it. I have had a lifetime to learn to live with my depression and can tell you that you are on the right path, keep active, keep trying the things you love to do. All this will help and never be afraid to ask for help when you need it. None of us can do it alone, you won't freak anyone out by sharing what you are feeling.

I wrote to you last night,and now can't get you off my mind. I don't want to sound like a crazy woman. I just have a strong belief in helping others in any way that I can. My parents taught me that and it is one of those thing that stuck. I don't know if anything I say helps of gives you any peace. But I do know that when I was where you are at now, it would have been nice to have someone to talk to about what I was feeling. So much going on inside my head and no one to feel safe to tell. I don't know where you are but I'm in Wv..I grew up in Ca.but moved out east about 14 years ago, I like to go places I have never been! The kind of person that lives life to the fullest. Anyway, the point is that you have a choice to make your life what you want it to be. I did not let my depression control me I controlled it. That is your choice. Although your old life may be gone,you have been given the chance to start a new one. When I was faced with this choice I decided to take the things from my old life that I could and start again. It is not easy, I will not lie but, it is worth the fight. Don't give up on yourself so easy. Remember that kid inside you with all those dreams and hopes of the future? He is still in there and can give you the strength needed if you only remember who you are. You are still the same, you just have to do things a little different now. My email is girlhorseman@yahoo.com, I also am housebound at the time because of the aneurysm. I would love to hear from you and just talk about whatever, like you feeling isolated is nowhere to be. Take care and please don't give up.

I wrote you last night. You have just been on my mind ever since. Maybe it's because it is the weekend and everyone seems to be out enjoying their lives, not online to talk. Weekends are always harder for me. I think that no matter how much my meds are increased it will not help. Sadly and unavoidable thing due to the pressure being caused by the aneurysm in my brain. I find that I now am back to finding my own ways to cope, just like when I was a kid. The changed factor is that I now am unable to be as physical. My depression always changes into pure rage. Normally I would chop wood, move rocks, dig a ditch, anything to drain that out, now I don't know what to do with it. My physical ability is limited because of the chance of a stroke. So I have been faced with choice, I either let it consume me or I find another way. Like you I have just found this site, and have made the choice to find another way. By writing to you I give myself something needed (and out let) you are my hope. Hope that you will find some peace in knowing you are not alone. It will get better, don't expect life to be the same, life always moves forward go along with it.

You know what? The anxiety and depression thing is totally normal. Yeah, I know that doesn't make it any easier. I have been a personal trainer for 6 years and I can help you with the balance. Balance is just like anything else physical, you have to practice it to make it better. Try this idea to help improve balance:

Stand next to a chair or a couch for balance, then if you can stand up straight without holding on. Once that becomes easy, try it with you eyes closed. That will really challenge you and help improve your balance. As for the no sleep thing, I can totally relate. I am running on about 4 hours of sleep for this whole week. The problem about a brain injury is that you are going to get depressed, that's just what happens, it's "normal". The anxiety perpetuates the depression and the insomnia just enables both of those things to keep on happening. I mean, you get depressed during the day, get anxious at night, which leads to insomnia and not sleep, then you wake up all depressed and it starts again. Have you ever tried to meditate. I have done a bit of that. You should try to do a Google search of some meditation techniques. I hope this helps. Good luck and God Bless

xxxxxxxoooooo's feel better soon!