What is Brain Injury
Traumatic brain injury (TBI), traumatic injuries to the brain, also called intracranial injury, or simply head injury, occurs when a sudden trauma causes brain damage. TBI can resu...
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hi i am new to this group. i am 23 yrs old and my husband suffered a severe traumatic brain injury in aug 2007. he has came a very long ways since his accident. he has began to walk without his cain recently and i know that was a big goal for him. just so many things have changed for him and us. i am just wondering if many other people change so much. he has double vision from his accident from all the swelling. his taste is not very good. ( the other day i gave him lemon cake and without telling him what it was told him to take a bite and tell me what flavor he thought it was.) and he didnt know.it just little things like that i am noticing more it seems like. he is hateful without meaning to be and also he acts like a different person when we are at church or events. before he wasnt very spiritual but now he spends most of the day in his bible( which i do no think is a bad thing, b/c without God he wouldnt be were he is today.) i am just wondering if there is any one else that can help me understand. oh and when he sleeps there is no waking him up. we have a daughter as well. she was 6 months hold when he had his accident. i know that he is the one going through everything, but my life has changed too..and i am also wondering if anyone elses personal life between there spouse has changed. it is had for me b.c i know everything that he went through and seen it, and he doesnt remember.sorry so long all these thoughts have been in my head and i just came across this site. so i am hoping that someone can help me out.
Posted on 06/27/09, 12:06 am |
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Welcome to the site. The people on the Brain Injury Forum are very helpful. I am pretty new here as well and have seen people gain confidence and insight. I suggest reading some of the older posts since both caregivers and brain injury survivors post.
I was a follower of Christ before my fall and like your husband, my relationship with Him has become my most important one. It has helped me be patient, eased my sadness and given me the strength to fight this battle, which we are winning. It sounds like your husband is winning his as well. Remember, God is working through you to help your husband. The Word is there for you, too. God Bless you for staying there for your husband. I hope that you have as much support from others as he has from you. 
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My hubby and I were hit by a semi in October 2008. He is still recovering for a grade II diffuse injury. I understand what you say about your life changing. Sometimes I tell my DH, "you don't know what I've been through". TBI really affects the whole family, not just the person, us spouses loose a lot too.
My hubby can be pretty mean. It comes on suddenly and it happens when he gets real confused, which still happens sometimes. He is immediately apologetic and can't believe what he just did, though. He takes anti-seizure meds for it. My DH's behavior is better around others, too. I think it is because they are not used to having to use self control around their families. He needs to learn to have self-control everywhere, all of again. My DH also has become more religious too. I've had to redirect him a bit, sometimes he gets a little extreme, and he has two sides to it. He prays a lot (which is fine) but then he talks about God hating him and punishing him all the time, so it is not exactly healthy. Did your hubby go to therapy during his recovery? My DH has been in therapy since the accident. He goes everyday to an outpatient facility for tbi and has OT, ST, and PT. Is he on meds that could make him sleepy?
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thank yall so much for responding to me. my husband is on no medicine at all. which is amazing its self. the actual brain injury he had was diffuse axnol injury ( not sure on the spelling) they never thought he would be were he is today, and his neurologist had to come and see for himself one day b.c my husband was answering questions with 1 finger for yes and 2 for no. he was on the vent for a long time. anyways...its had b.c he is 26 now and his family hardly comes and visits. i think it is hard for them too b.c of the way he is now and they feel asif he is judging them. b/c he will ask them to not use lanuage and things like that. he is an amazing person but sometimes it is just too much. and once he gets something in his head you arent going to hear the end of it. he also has his mood changes more if he is tired. he will sleep 10-12 hours a day and takes no meds to sleep. i have been giving him fish oil and i am hoping that will help him with his moods... we did go to therapy at baptist health in little rock ar. we were there for a month, then went to home health, then to outpatient. our insurance quit covering the visits so it has been up to us to help him. it gets tiring b/c i use to always tell him and help him do therapy, but it has gotten to the point to where he tells me i need to make him and i just tell him that it is up to him now. i cant make him and it is his dicision.
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It's gotta be so hard for you spouses of survivors. I would imagine it changes how you know your spouse in every way. Too often it becomes more of a parent/child relationship when there is a lot of caregiving involved and that, obviously, throws a huge wrench into the intimacy department.
You're right though. You're recovering too. And you have a different perspective than he does. I hope you have enough time away to nurture yourself and breathe and stay fresh so you aren't too burned out. Men, often, will use cruel comments and anger as a response to their fear or vulnerability. TBI often strips people of their self esteem and confidence. Symptoms will often get worse when they are tired, in a large crowd or new situation, or when plans change quickly. See if you can find a pattern of when he is hateful, as you put it, and maybe you can change that activity or develop a better strategy to keep him from getting tired cognitively. Good luck to you.
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Be patient, things will not return to so-called normal. He sounds a lot like me from time to time, just bear with him. I'm not totally over my situation & its been over thirty years since the first TBI/cognitive challenge. My wife is my best friend, which your husband knows, but he may not show it at all times. I'm guilty of that. It hurts me when I let her down, because I'm destroying our union. There are so many new & different feelings he will have over the years to come. Prayer has assisted us & can do the same for you, but remember that its not in our time, but in Gods' time. Many in Arkansas, claimed that I could never teach due to my cognitive challenges/head injuries, but I've taught for over 150 days. It took over 15 years to realize. History has been made because the local college called me: a danger, threat, & a hazard to small children. Some will never realize the man you love, but your love for him may not quickly appear to some, however there is coming a day. Enough preaching, as you can see God has had a powerful influence in my life. Take Care; by the way, I've got a web page that may provide a new way of thinking: www.headtohead.org/?art=255.
By the way, to learn more about me; do a search for "Challenged Conquistadors, Inc." at yahoo.com or www.google.com, etc. Have A Optimisitic Day the Best Way: Positivism!! Take Care, Shaun Best, Protector of the Natural State Challenged Conquistadors, Inc. 1110 Pine Circle Smackover, AR 71762 (870)725-3612
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my husband was hit by a taxi cab and thrown 10 ft in the air and landed on his head. so i know what you are going through. he goes through the mood swings,the blurred vision,headaches,leg pain, ect.when he gets in a bad mood i play around with him to try to get him in a better mood.most of the time it works.but im the only one that can do it and pull him out of his mood.i dont know if you have experieced this or not but my husband is my shadow he doesnt go to far without me. because im his comfort zone.f i can help you further let me know.
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my husand also feels most comfortable with me. it was hard at 1st because he would just let me do things and he calls on me a lot. now though i just tell him that he is capable and that he needs to do it. sometimes i feel like i am the one being mean, but then again he needs to do things or he wont get better.
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I agree with you that the survivor needs to do things. Disability can become a disability in itself. So can fear. TBI totally knocks our self confidence sideways and it's important we do things for ourselves. When I couldn't drive for 18 months, I didn't let everyone do everything for me. I went out and walked a mile just for a roll of paper towel. I took cabs. I made arrangements myself. We have to be able to take care of ourselves again or we will never feel that vital power.
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Hey there, I am the brain injury community leader and a great resource for info on living with a brain injury. I also know of a couple of other websites that are dedicated to people with brain injuries, and their caregivers. Here are a couple for you:
www.braininjurysuccess.org ~or~ www.headinjury.com Both those sites should help and feel free to come to me for any help/questions. God Bless you
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