What is Brain Injury
Traumatic brain injury (TBI), traumatic injuries to the brain, also called intracranial injury, or simply head injury, occurs when a sudden trauma causes brain damage. TBI can resu...
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Hi - I am new here. My story might be on the rather unique side so please bare with me.
I'm in my mid 40s and divorced (no kids). After a hellish, brief marriage (back in 2005) to a 'closet' endstage alcoholic who I left after 8 months of marriage (I did not know he was an alcoholic when we married) - I met a wonderful man. He ended up not only being someone I loved incredibly but also a great friend. When we first met, I had to go to court because my exhusband violated his restraining order, and my boyfriend was there for me every step of the way. My former husband died as a result of his drinking a few months after that court appearance. My boyfriend and I were seriosly involved for a year and a half. While it was a great relationship, there were some issues that went on with his exwife and his 3 kids. I suppose things happened too quickly - as we began dating before his divorce was final and it might have been a lot for the kids to deal with - but none of that really matters accept to say the relationship ended after 18 months, and I was quite hurt. It was not what I wanted. Over the past 5 months he's remained in touch with me - from a distance, through a variety of ways. Posting my photos on his facebook, texting me to see how I was, sending me flowers on my birthday, etc. However there were no actual phone calls or request for reconciliation. I stayed strong and did not over-react when he did various things as I really did not know what he meant by any of it - I dont' think he did either. He actually dated others, I was still working towards that. And then after 5 months his texts increased, then he called, had been in my neighborhood and wanted to meet for coffee. I missed that call. The next day we texted and then spoke on the phone. He said he missed me, still loved me and wanted to try again. After talking for over an hour, he wanted to meet me for dinner. I suggested we wait a few days but he inisted on seeing me THAT night. (If you believe in fate and everything happening for a reason - then you will see there was a purpose for that meeting.) We met at the restaurant where we had our first date. The minute we saw one another we embraced - it was like nothing had ever changed. We talked, and laughed and smiled for hours, and then held one another for another hour and a half (no longer IN the restaurant, lol) - telling each other all the things we had wanted to say for the last few months. It was by far one of the best nights of my life - a night I had dreamt about since the breakup. A night I will never forget and it indeed seemed like an incredible dream - - which 48 hours later, turned into the worst nightmare of my life. The following day he sent me a dozen roses - something he had done on a number of occassions previously. I called to thank him and we joked and laughed - feeling that excitement build - just like it does when we first fell in love. The the following morning bright and early he texted me saying good morning - XOXO, we texted and flirted and then I got to work, ready to start my day. A few hours later I stepped away from my desk and missed his call - he left me a funny voicemail and asked me to call him back. I did - but there was no answer. Later that day I learned that he had been in a horrific motorcycle accident - and air-lifted to the closest Trauma I hospital in our state. They saved his life - but it was touch and go for a while. He punctured a lung, had a compound fracture in his leg, broke his pelvis - - but worst of all, he was in a coma, suffered a diffuse axonal injury. He was hooked up to a drain in his head that removed the blood and fluid, and another tube that measured his ICP. I visited him every day he was in the hospital - fearing I might not see him again if he lost the fight. But he began to improved, was weened off his ventilator about a week and a half later, he'd open his eyes when they moved him but would not track with his eyes. 2.5 weeks after the accident he was transferred to one of the best rehab facilities in the country. That is where he remains now - in a minimally conscious state. As many of you on here can imagine I have many emotions. I'm terrified, devistated, depressed and so very sad. WHY did this happen? No one knows how much he will recover. He's begun to move his eyes when they are open, and he moves his mouth but I don't think he is trying to speak at this point. He moves his hands a bit, will turn his head to sounds — but then other days he will not do as much. The therapists are encouraged at his progress thus far (he's been there almost 3 weeks). I have read an incredible amount of information on TBI. I know this is a marathon NOT a sprint. I know every injury is different, every patient's recovery is different. I know some of the less severe injured survivors sometimes don't recover as well, and some of the survivors who have more serious brain injuries actually surprise everyone. I know - that no one can say for sure HOW much he will recover, and I know - to never give up hope. But - - - it is so hard to watch him like this. I go often to visit him, and every time I am about to walk in his room I get a big lump in my throat, my stomach gets upset and I get shakey - as if it is the first time I am seeing him all over again. But that quickly goes away. I feel better to go, because he may hear me, and maybe I am making a difference. But I also know is taking a toll on me. I've begun looking into a support group - so maybe I can speak to others about this. I'm not his 'family' - so I have no say in any of his care, but luckily I do get progress reports. That said, I've never been told exactly what types of injuries to his brain were sustained or what they see or if they have a 'best guess' prognosis for him. Maybe it is too soon for that. Since we had only JUST met up with one another, no one knew our situation. He did not tell his friends for family - he's a very private person plus I would not doubt that he wanted to be sure what my reaction would be - before he went around sharing this with others! The irony of this is - for 5 months I was still hurting to a degree over the loss of this relationship. Then he came back and I was on top of the world. Now - I don't know if I will ever hear his voice again. I don't know if he will remember me, or even want me there. I've read all about the stages of recovery if he continues to improve, how he will not be the same person - and that is okay. At this point i just want him to recover and have a good quality life - I can handle not meaning the same to him, to being just a friend, to me it is ALL his choice, I just want him to live a life. That said - my emotions are all over the place because he is someone I love very deeply. I hope I didn't go on too long or upset anyone with my feelings of fear and sadness, I know that I should put my energy and focus into HIM, and never lose HOPE. But - - - I get a little worried about me sometimes too. :( If anyone can share some success stories of similiar injuries or just stories of how you can relate - I'd be very grateful. Thanks for listening - Lisa Posted on 06/29/09, 03:06 pm |
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Lisa,
My husband was injured in a motorcycle crash as well, in September of 2008. He laid in the dirt for 12 hours (overnight). A construction worker found him the following morning. He suffered a TBI, (with other injuries) there were 3 "bleeders" in his brain, all of which had stopped before he had ever made it to the trauma (miracle). Seeing him for the first time with the dirt still in his nose etc., was gut wrenching. He spent a month in the trauma center, another month at the Baylor Institute for Rehab in Dallas Texas and from there 3 1/2 months at the Centre for Neuro Skills-CNS in Irving Texas (one of the best in the country by the way. There are 2 in California). The Centre does take in/out patients. When my husband entered the CNS facility he was reading at an 8th grade level. He is an IT Director. When he left the center he was reading and comprehending beyond a senior in college. He has a genius IQ, before and after the accident. He has been back to work full time, drives etc., since leaving the CNS. He has his issues that we work on, his anger is the biggest. Its instant.. There were times throughout his recovery, I wondered what I would have as an end result of his accident and to what capacity. I wondered if I could handle all of the issues and the stress. I wondered why this happened to him-to us. We have 2 20 something boys. How was this changing all of our lives. Was this the destiny, the fate of all of us? I still wonder almost a year later. He was hooked up to every machine know to man. He too, would lay there looking at the ceiling or the wall for hours. I was told to buy him some chapstick since the respirator was out and the tape had reeked havoc on his lips. I put it on his lips and he just stared at me. Most people immediately rub their lips together. He did not. I told him to rub his lips together and he was so confused, as though not knowing what to do. When I showed him how to rub his lips, he mimicked me. But couldn't do it without my helping him. He developed Sepsis/Septicemia, (blood poisoning from a fungal infection from a central line). Almost lost him to that infection. Once the respirator was out the doctors encouraged all of us to make him talk, ask questions that needed more than a yes or no and to wait for the answer. Not throwing another question before he could answer the first, repeating the question, help him answer it, etc. I asked him my name. He looked so confused, he struggled. Looking around the room in hopes of seeing something that would trigger a memory of my name. After several attempts, I said "you don't know my name do you?" He shook his head no. I asked "Am I your wife?" He shook his head yes. "But you don't know my name?", He again shook his head no. He always looked at me with the look of knowing that he could trust me. I equated him at that point of being an Alien on another planet and no idea on where he was or what was going on. The next day I asked him again what my name was he answered immediately. I was at the trauma center for 10-12 hours a day never leaving his bedside, for the entire month, leaving only to sleep and shower. My meals were at the cafeteria. When he went to Baylor in Dallas, I went too, staying in a national chain hotel for most of the duration of his stay. Again only leaving to sleep. I ate McDonald for a month. lol The testing at CNS was over the course of several days, which gives them the base on where to start his therapy. Physical as well as cognitive. The center was the best treatment ever. I don't know how well he would have recovered without the staff with their dedication and patience. They gave me back my husband and my best friend. The whole reason for my story is to give you hope. He does know who you are. His brain is struggling to put the pieces back together. Just being in his room and letting him know you are there is the best thing for him. Whether he remembers you from a lifetime ago or the day before in his hospital room. Your face is something he looks forward to seeing. Don't give up on him or yourself. The days will/do get better. mddg 
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mddg,
how long did it take before your husband was able to go back to work?
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I really do not want to be the bearer of bad news but I do want you to be prepared also. IF and I mean if your man recovers he may not remember you at all for it would not be uncommon for him to have lost some of his memory preceeding the accident. I say this only because you have been diligent in reading about the nuances of brain injury and the long term effects which I must commend you on. Only you will know if you want to move on with life and visit from time to time or make a long term commitment that could go nowhwere. That he may survive but not have a life so to speak is also a posibility. Reality is that maybe all you can do is treasure the memories and be grateful that it ever was for you to know these strong feelings. Go within, the answer is there for you but be prepared that it may not be the answer you would really like. By the same token there is always hope for a successful recovery, for I have been the mother of someone who has succeeded but he knew no one from eighteen months pre accident, in time some of this returned like 5 years! Take care.
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Thanks for this response - wow has time has flown by.
I posted this almost FOUR months ago! I've learned so much in all the books I've read, doctors/therapist/nurses/patients and fellow caregivers I've spoken to throughout the last five months since the injury. The two most important thing I've learned are: (1) NO ONE knows or can predict how far a person will go. It is simply impossible. (2) Life is precious and as long as a person's heart is still beating and they are still breathing air - there is NO such thing as "he may survive but not have a life so to speak". Say that to any loved one who visits and cares for a person with a TBI and well - - you might want to step back so you aren't slapped upside the head. ;) To date - here is his progress; He is fully conscious (no longer minimally conscious). Gets around in a wheelchair. Eats anything and everything he wants (no feeding tube) - all solid foods Ventilator came off many months ago No complications thus far Speaks and communicates - slowly but surely Recognizes me, tells me he loves me - wishes we could be somewhere else together Knows who he is, knows his name, knows my name Is up and walking with assistance in therapy We've gone from being told he was not expected to live, to possibly remaining in a minimally conscious state to being fully conscious, able to move all extremeties, speak, laugh (at times) and communicate. And all that in only FIVE months - and as everyone knows, five months is VERY fast! There is PLENTY of room for much more improvement and ofcourse there is ALWAYS hope. Remaining a loving, supportive part of his life and encouraging him to keep fighting is something I could never completely stop. Frankly I don't know how any human being could stop providing that to someone they care about. That isn't to say we all have our limits, but I do all I can - and I know that is my best and all anyone can ask for. He's come very very far - and I believe that is partially due to my support and love that has caused him to keep fighting because any life is worth living.
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Your story was long and great!! You definitely must really love him. My car accident was in 1/06. I was in a drug-induced coma for 3 weeks. I was in 3 hospitals for recovery. My fiance proposed marriage to me in the 3rd one, and I said "yes". He knew I didn't remember dating him. We've been together over 5 years. No one knows what love is until you're really in it. Recovery is SLOWLY BUT SURELY. It sounds worth it!!
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Lisa, You are an excellent person. I also had a Diffuse Axonal Injury and was airlifted, as well as a C-2 fx ( broken neck). And was in the hospital and inpatient rehab over 2 months. You have done the best possible thing you could do for the person you obviously care so much for. And that is to show your support and be present and make sure he feels your love. I believe you have done all of that. I totally commend you for that. Continue to treat him as you did prior to the accident and he will only make strides to continue to heal. It has been 4yrs since my accident and I am just now getting my self put back in order. It definitely takes time to heal, but it will happen. And he is making great progress. You may notice that some issue develope as time goes on, but with all the support you are giving you and he will have a miraculous recovery. Keep me updated on his progress!
Take care and God Bless! nsm
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Meagan that is wonderful that you made a recovery and have begun a life with your boyfriend. There are TBI survivors that are not as fortunate as you despite how much time goes by in the recovery process or how many people try to support and encourage them. I'm sure you realize you are very blessed. I wish you all the best.
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I am happy to hear of his continued progress!
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It's great to read the update. I think that kind of support allows the spirit to heal and prosper, and that powers everything else. My injury wasn't as severe, but it also wasn't understood by those around me who ended up sometimes, making unfair judgments that had the effect of repressing that 'spiritual engine'.
I've come to understand that side of it as a result, and am still recovering at a rapid pace. best of luck to you.
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