Bisexuality Support Group

HI!!! (,aybe long but I think it might be a good way to get to know me)

I finally decided to join this group becaue I need some where I can voice my thoughts and feelings and know that others understand what I am saying and feeling.

I have a lot that is going on in my life. I am a happily married 35 year old woman. I have 2 kids (one 16 one 5) and one on the way. My husband is in the military and currently away for 2 and a half months fo training to prepare for over seas deployment late next year. Its these long time seperations that seem to trigger my bisexuality to rear its little head.

A little about me: My first intimate experiances was with girls my own age around the 4th grade. They were followed by experiances with boys. I found both intriguing and didnt lean one way or the other. I loved certain things about each kind of relationship that the other relationships didnt have. I htink mainly becaue of peers I leaned toward dating in the typical scences. But I was still in the back ground looking for those emotional bonds that I felt I could only get from women. And then being sexual I would have to say I enjoy sex with my husband there is no doubt there. But I also enjoy sexial experiances with other women. ANd no I dont really want the 2 worlds to cross. I did that with my first husband and it jsut took our marriage so far off the path that I wanted my marriage to be on. I found that by encluding my x husband in my emotional relationships that did have sexual aspects to them the relationships all fell off to the way side of what I was loking for.

I guess what I am trying to say is in my ideal world my bi stays just that.... mine.... the two worlds really dont cross. Because I find when they do it becomes about sex. And for me it goes so much deeper then must sex. Thats where my first marriage went wrong. I wanted relationships with my husband andwith my girlfriend and because of the dinamics it was open for all. but it ended up focusing on sex not just the relationships that yo build that make sex sooo much more intamant.

Being married at this time I have made the promise and solid stance that I married a man and there for thats where my emotion needs to be put. I am a monogomous person by nature beause my ideal world just leads to mess... My husband kows Im Bi adn that I truely appriciate a female body we even joking look at women together. but have never moved it past that. When I left my ex I swore I would date only women at that point.... m husband just came along befor ms right....

BU the truth is I fantasize aout women. I miss the intment relationships that two women can have even when sex isnt part of it. TO me I have found that in a true bi relationship the bond is much stronger adn greater then a bff relationship. Its a true partner and the female relationship shares things that a hetro relationship just doesnt share. I find that in my choice to be married I lost that part of intamacy that is SOOSOO important to me. My husband is wonderful. He loves me unconditionally and would do anything for me. He puts up with so much and loves me as I am. But that female bond is still missing. I think I would be in the same predicament if I was i a female relationship. I would miss that relationship I can only have with a guy... Yes it sounds rather greedy Im sure. But the reality is I learned very early on that the bonds women and men can have together is different then the relationship women can have. ANd I just dont have those walls to say where it should stop as to keep from cheating on my spouce.

So my delima starts. I know that if I was to persue a female relationship my husband would be supportive as long as actual sex and intamacy was kept at bay until he was comfortable and most likely involved. I know he would be open to the experiance of having an evening or few that were sexual and enjoyable for all. THing is befor I ever got to the point where I would let that happen I would want that bond emotionally... and at that point it wouldnt just be a nite of sex it would be a nite of emotion... but for him it would be a nite of sex. For me it would be a way of finally bringing all of me to one place of acceptance. I dunno.....

The other problem is that I know there is no other man in this world for me. I worry if there was anoughter woman involved ideally emotionally with me that I would want there to be a bond of some kind for my husband but I dont want to think there could even be anoughter woman for him... yep selfish I know... My husband will be gone for a year next year and I cant tell you how tempting it is to finda friend that I can have that bond Im looking for while he is away. but then I struggle with the morals of that. Is it cheating??? (Im not replacing him Im fullfilling needs he can not fill) do I bring the two important people in my life together when the time is right??? AM I capable or ready to share my loves of my life???? Will it be a down fall of a good marage?


As you can see I have many questions. SO I hope throught reading others stories and getting advice from everyone here that I might start to find what is right for me and my husband and my family. Input here on this post would be appriciated.... if nothing more then just to tell me Im not to off base with how iM FEELING
Posted on 10/27/09, 05:10 am