Bisexuality Support Group

First i would like to say that this must be difficult for you ad I do sympathise with your dilemma. However, bisexuality is part of who he is - it will never be gone! But, having said that he does not have to act on those urges anymore than anyone else faced with sexual temptation.

Bisexuality is not an excuse for infidelity! He needs to face up to his commitment. Is he prepared to cleave to you solely when married and does he have the moral fibre to remain monogamous.

These are questions that he needs to ask himself before marrying; especially since religion is obviously a large part of your lives and an 'arrangement' is out of the question.

Now same sex desire can be a very powerful temptation but it is only temptation and can be resisted .

However, I am sure as other posters will say it is not good psychologically to bury these thoughts completely. So some way in which he can express his bisexuality short of breaking his vows would need to be worked out. Now this is where counselling may come in useful.

However, any of the 'ex gay' type counselling can be psychologically harmful. I cannot emphasise that enough.

Bisexuality is not a disease or a choice but a reality. Your fiancee needs to learn how to resist the temptation and stay monogamous and also to develop safe and healthy ways to acknowledge his sexuality.

I know this may not be what you wanted to hear but i hope this and other comments will be helpful to you. Good luck for the future.

....i can't advise but i don't think anyone can stop feeling their own natural urges just because they have to......infact..i think the more we try to supress these urges the stronger they only become......

Remember ted haggard?
Big freakin news here in Colorado, google the name if you're unfamiliar.
He was the head of one of the biggest churches IN THE NATION and lost everything because he was an evangelical preacher on Sunday morning, but having sex with his male lover on Saturday night.
There are so many organized religions that lie and misquote the bible as a way of controlling people.
My advice?
Be true to yourselves, explore what you need to, and find a church that believes more in supporting people's differences, not oppressing them. It might take a bit of search, but you'll both be happy for life when you become comfortable in your own skin
OH, um..
HUGE kudos to you for being so positive & supportive in this, cause being a bi man in America can be rough.
There are all sorts of avenues for the 2 of you, here is a great start.
One more thing:
He's not "battling bisexuality", he's simply a bisexual man. He's battling the crap that's been placed on him by a controlling religios society.
There's nothing wrong with him. There's no way for it to be "completly gone", his brain isn't wired that way.
Yes, it's perfectly natural, it is recorded in over 1500 species.
There is nothing to purge or cure, IT'S JUST WHO WE ARE.
You 2 are going to have to deal with it, or face a life of lies & misery.

Balderdash is 100% correct on all counts. I know you stated that you and he BOTH want it GONE, but like has been said here by all, that's not possible. It's part of who he is, and short of a lobotomy, there's nothing you can do about that. Take particular heed of Balderdash's second paragraph: "Bisexuality is NOT an excuse for infidelity."

If he's cheating, then he's not ready for marriage. If he truly wants marriage, than he has to accept monogamy.

And like MyColours said: find another church where you can feel accepted. After all, your finace is who he is. Pretending he's not bisexual will only be harmful to him in the long run.

Thank you all for the advice. My fiancee and I have both been reading them. This is so difficult for us right now.

My fiancee said that this summer he was experimenting on how it felt to do some certain things with a guy. That he wanted to do it but it was gross when he did. He also said he was done since he did what he wanted. But now he realizes he didn't finish and wants to do it one more tim e before we get married. However he wants to but then doesn't want to hurt me. He also wants me involved but doesn't want anyone else to be able to touch me so therfore he cannot have me involved. (which I would never!) Any advice on what he or I should do? Should he go off one more time and do what he wants to do? Should he just accept the thoughts and be with me and no one else? He says when we are married it will be only me, but I feel horrible right now with the whole situation. HELP!

Honey, if he wants you involved, you can watch from the sidelines and encourage him, without actually being touched. Does this idea turn you on at all? I hate to see somebody suffering and feeling like they need to "battle" their desires and interests. It just seems like a miserable way to live your life.

No, I am not turned on by any of this. I told him I was not going to be a part of that. If he wanted to go and do it then he could but he says he cannot with a nother girl. But he wants to with a guy once more but says he is having a hard time with it because he does and he doesn't want to...

I am thinking marriage is NOT a good idea in this situation. He still has some exploring to do before he is able to settle down and commit, and you are not interested in exploring with him. So ... maybe back off for awhile?

We both love each other very much. We want to get married. He wants to get this done before the wedding but doesn't want to change the date. He is very confused in all of this, as am I. He wants to do this but then he doesnt want to hurt me, so he is divided. I told him to do what he felt was right. I have no idea what he will decide. I really hope he decides not act on it but I can't stop him. I just am having a very hard time and so is he.

Wanting a woman there is a huge part of my bisexuality, too.
This "One Last Time" thing is bullshit, though even he may believe it at the time.
It's like eating: when you're full, nothing sounds good, but eventually, you get hungry again.
Your choices are:
> Find a new guy
> Live with the reality of Ted Haggard and know that he'll always periodically cheat on you, or
> Come to grips with it as adults and find a livable comprimise. This will take a lot of soul-searching & work, but ultimately it will be worth it & lots of fun. BTW: if this is your option, a judgemental evangelical church will destroy you both from the inside out.
If you 2 really believe in a loving God, maybe he's calling you to a VERY different kind of ministry.