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I'm Jess, and I'm 18. I'm not officially diagnosed with bipolar, but my dad has been and I follow, literally, every single symptom. My mom doesn't believe in mental health problems such as bipolar, adhd, etc, which is really difficult in my situation. I've tried to discuss getting tested for it, and she just calls me a teenager. Looking around and comparing myself to others, I'm not a normal teenager.
This is so difficult to live with untreated, so much that it's nearly unbearable. It has deeply affected many of my relationships with people, especially with my ex. Best friends for four years, were together for a good two years, wanted to get married, live happily ever after... whatever. He's the one person who knows me better than I do, and I think I've recently lost him for the last time. We argued occasionally over my insecurities (which are so silly to think about once I've returned to my 'normal' state), and I got into a habit a year or so ago of taking out my anger and frustration on him. I'd call him names, tell him I hated him, and so much worse. I was so grateful knowing that he would forgive me each time because he loved me, but after two years, it's starting to get to him. The other day he pretty much decided he can't be with me anymore because I'm too negative. I've been in manic mode since.
I was googling and found this and figured I'd give it a shot and meet some people who understand what I'm going through and understand me for what I have. I feel so trapped, and I'm constantly fighting with myself. I hate me for what I have.
Posted on 11/03/09, 03:11 am
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i totally understand what you are going through. When your in that state its like you don't even realize it. But everyone else does. And i wish more people understood what we go through. And like teen years are the absolute hardest to get through without being weird added on top. Even medicated i have some weird mood swings. 
