What is Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder (previously known as manic depression) is a diagnostic category describing a class of mood disorders where the person experiences states or episodes of depression ...
Join Now
|
New and unsure where to start.
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Greetings all.
I am losing my hold on myself recently I have so much exterior strain that is making it impossible to hold up my interior structure. I have been untreated / un-medicated for the past ten/eleven yrs. I have no support group and most people that I associate with have no idea I am diagnosed Bi-polar. As I work for a school district and don't wish to get the bad stigma that some people link with those of us who are Bi-polar. You know when I get the worst off I always have a dream where I am in this flowing dress walking though the sand and into the gulf and I just continue walking until I am consumed and I drift to my own death. When this dream starts returning I always know I am in for bad times. However what I have been experiencing lately has been so far out there beyond my dream. In fact just a few days ago I went to the hospital because I had shortness of breath, chest pains, and vision was impaired. My blood pressure was 168/91 I was told by the ER Dr. that I was having stressed induced panic attacks. This is a very new development. Have had attacks where I felt helpless and overwhelmed but never so far gone that it actual altered my physical well being. (other than fatigue). My family is dysfunctional at best. My birth mother is diagnosed schizophrenic . I have one sister that is also diagnosed schizophrenic. And I believe that out of the 6 of us that at least 4 are Bi-Polar. Between bad genes and my birth mothers cocaine addiction during her pregnancies with all of us I assume it just comes with the territory that we would be "special". I also have many aunts, cousins, and grands that have had a variety of mental disorders. I am the matriarch of my family as those who are older than I, can not care for my siblings . I have three kids of my own- plus my youngest brother is in my care. I have also started the process of possibly taking one of my sister two small children because she is unable to care for them. My grandmother who raised me (and who I call Mom) is on her death bed in and out of hospitals. My husband comes from a different culture that believes that women should wait on men hand and foot -(so I do). He loves me greatly and I him but I have no real freedoms or support from him. My job is high stress and full of craziness and problems. I could go on and on about my dysfunctional life and times. In fact there is so much to tell that honestly most people I have tried discussing it with probably think I must be a lair. I mean most people cant phantom a life so chaotic and turbulent. When all is said and done though I am lost right now. completely and utterly lost.I fear there is nothing to been done about it. I panic everyday my moods are swinging so hard I barely feel one before the next is unleashed. My body aches all over and I just want a release. I just want to walk off in the night and not stop. Vanish- I want to stop this pressure and this pain. I want the world to stop spinning and the people around me to just leave me the hell alone. Yet when I am alone all I want is some one to call. There is no pleasing or stopping my inner demons. Posted on 11/10/09, 06:11 pm |
| 13 Replies | Most Recent | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
You've made a great start by posting here on DS. I don't know what to say to you except that I read everything you wrote and I wish the very best for you. Are you seeing a psychiatrist or therapist? 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
You are under way too much stress in every facet of your life. Why don't you get medicated? No one will ever know. Sorry but meds is my answer to everything like this. Meds saved my life; they are the only thing that worked for me
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Welcome to DS. You must be an incredibly strong person to handle all you do. I have no words of wisdom for you other than to say that you are not alone. Please take care of yourself.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Your mind is telling you something your body has now kicked in and is telling you something....slow down you have bp and you're trying to carry on as though you don't because you are a strong woman and you've coped meds free and without support so far. Take a step back and imagine you were a friend who finally opened up to you what would you say to her.
Something has to give here because with or without meds if you don't slow down your body will stop you, bp will surface as it has and rage out of control now its been triggered by so much stress. Stress alone can play a part on your heart and you're carrying the family, your past and a high stress job on your own. Finding a way to slow all this is a must and you can try to find ways around it but now your bp has been triggered it will become a major factor until you do. See your Dr explain your situation l stayed away too long and when l saw my Dr and told her that l stayed away due to my career and the stigma she laughed and said l had nothing to worry about and she was right...no one knows. Meds may be the only way to stop the intrusive suicidal thoughts but if you needed a trip to the er l'm guessing thats not related so much to the bp as the stress and again l have to say slow down. lmagine life with you hospitalized through having a stroke or crashing due to your bp what would your family do then, how important is your job? Please tell a Dr and take good care.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
That's a heavy burden to bear. You have come to the right place and will find helpful, sensitive people who will help you cope.
Welcome.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
You can tell your demons you are done with them.....you've found a group of people that all have similar stories to you. We've been there, done that. You aren't alone anymore.
Assume that was your first panic attack....it can be petrifying. So starting there. It effects everyone a bit differently but there are many common aspects. The biggee is you feel like you are dying. There are also pains in the solar plexus or in the heart area. Plus a tightening in the throat, sort of like if you've every experience a "lump in your throat when you are about to cry". If it happens again, just sit quietly and breathe in deeply through the nose...hold for a few seconds and exhale through the mouth. Repeat at least 3 times. You can also alternate nostrils that you are inhaling through....first one and then the other. Please keep posting...with the collective experience here, I am sure you will find great comfort. Hugs, Bobbi
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Welcome to DS!!! I hope you find the support that you need!!!
The only good thing that I can say about panic attacks is that, for me at least, the first one was the worst. Once I knew what was happening, it got minimally better. I hope you aren't troubled by them any more. You are under an incredible amount of stress. I hope things ease up soon! Have you considered taking any medication? It might make your life a whole lot easier.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I just want to say 'welcome!'
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Wecome to DS.
You have so much on your plate right now. First, I would make an appt. with a psychiatrist and then a therapist so you can get medicated and talk to someone who can help you. I don't really know if I could deal with everything you have on your plate but wish you all the luck in the world.
|
|
|
|
||
| First | Previous | Page: 1 2 | Next | Most Recent | Add Your Reply |
