Bipolar Disorder Support Group

to even post this because I am prone to keep things to myself and have been quite successful in the past; of course, I believed a stoic, independent approach was my best defense mechanism for the first 25 or so years of my life.

My Mom has not been feeling well the last couple of months. She had several tests/procedures done last week. Yesterday we were told that she has Sigmoid Colon Cancer. We will not know the severity of the cancer or whether it is metastatic until after the surgery. She is scheduled for several addition tests this week as well as appointments with Internist, Cardiologist, etc.

Mom's surgery is scheduled for Monday, November 30 at 7 am. Mom seems to be more concerned about the surgery itself and her stay in the hospital than she is about the cancer~~though I know the cancer weighs heavily on her mind, too.

I am trying to be optimistic, but I know what possibly lies ahead from firsthand experience. My sister died in 1993 after a 3 year battle with breast cancer. Several of my Dad's siblings died from cancer~~pancreatic, prostate, lung and leukemia. Two of my Mom's siblings died from breast and lung cancer. The list goes on . . .

Especially with my sister I traveled the full circle with her~~from initial diagnosis, radiation, chemo, several surgeries, and I sat with her and held her hand the night she took her last breath. I did the same thing three years ago with my Dad~~though he died from congestive heart failure.

I keep telling myself that I am strong . . . that I can handle whatever needs to be done in supporting and caring for my Mom. There is no doubt~~I know I can and will rise to the occasion because I have done this several times already and I want to~~I need to be there to support my Mom~~which isn't just important for her, but it is very important for me, too.

What concerns me besides the obvious is that during my sister's and my Dad's illnesses I was manic much of the time--at the very least hypomanic--somehow all of that energy was focused what needed to be done. Several weeks after each of their deaths I crashed and burned and found myself hospitalized.

Currently my medications are helping me manage my illness. Still as I get older it seems more and more difficult to manage bipolar--subsequently I spent 6 weeks in the hospital last fall as a result of the most severe episode I have had to date. I am wondering how I am going to manage in the coming weeks or months. I do have appointments schedule to see my pdoc and tdoc as well as my internist prior to Mom's surgery.

I would appreciate your thoughts and prayers in the coming weeks.

Hugs,

Tracey
Posted on 11/10/09, 05:11 pm