What is Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder (previously known as manic depression) is a diagnostic category describing a class of mood disorders where the person experiences states or episodes of depression ...
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BP Theory
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So I was reading that animals stop moving if they are shocked randomly. They can't handle pain that doesn't make sense so they just give up. I was thinking maybe that's why I have such a hard time gaining momentum even when I'm not having an episode. I'm always worried the axe will fall and I'll get "shocked" yet again. I mean how do I go to college or decide on a career if I know I'm going to have an episode and I know its going to ruin everything. I lost $8,000 dollars last year cause I had an episode in the middle of college. I managed to keep up with my work and make it in on test days but they failed me b/c I didn't attend enough. Its hard to attend when you can't stop crying and are worried your going to crash into another car on the way there b/c your suicidal. Anyways, how do you guys deal with that, knowing your going to have another episode, does it change your life goals, your plans, how you live? I just don't know what to do, I'll feel like I'm always going to fail b/c of bp.
Posted on 11/04/09, 06:11 pm |
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you won't always fail and i'm sure there are loads of times when you have been a success. have you told your college/university about your problems? they might be a bit more helpful if you did.
hang in there. 
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l did college and uni by the skin of my teeth and being guided by a good friend who said that she and l would graduate but l was on an arts course so we were out a lot l did take time off usually when depressed but l covered enough areas that people didn't care.
l managed to work at my career for a while but it was lack of meds being undiagnosed that had me eventually crash and burn and since then l changed direction slowly so now come hell or high water art therapy it is, so college here l am again!!
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I don't know if you guys get what I'm saying. We all are going to have another episode. Its inevitable. It might not be tomorrow or next week but its going to happen. Sometimes that makes me just want to stand still like those animals that get randomly shocked. I just don't know how to handle all the random pain that doesn't make any sense. I don't know how to have a life with that kind of random pain etched into it.
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i don't know how to have a life either but you gotta keep going, the other options are NOT options.
i think we all just try our best and make the most of the good times. it's a struggle i know. i just wish i could take all the pain away from all of us....
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I get it. I know that I am going to have another episode but have family that would love to have me around and would miss me if i left. My family keeps me fighting this illness without that I would have ended it a long time ago. I even tried ending it. I was walking with my cousin and jumped out in front of a semi mac truck my cousin made me survive and pulled me out from the inevitable and now I am still alive. If my cousin would have let me die at 18 like I wanted I wouldn't have to be in this hell. If she only knew what Bipolar Disorder does to you then maybe she'd change her tune.
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l ask myself what choice do l have, l could stay on disability until l'm pensioned off or eat well, take meds, do my yoga, try to have a life so when it hits perhaps it will last for less time or l'm stong enough to cope better or see the signs and run to my Dr for help.
l work on being informed so l don't crack too deeply and drop too hard because when its done you have to pick up the pieces and carry on. lts about choice l choose to pay off the debts, try to help the people l've harmed and start again.
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really interesting concept... i wondered why i have been slow to the start with some of my plans lately. we shouldn't fear so much. we may be afraid of failure, but if we never tried we could never succeed... hugs
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I don't know if I want to keep trying. Every time I try I get smacked down. Sometimes I just want to curl up in a hole and disappear.
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Back when I did college I was still self medicating and under the delusion I could do anything and so basically had no fear of failing. Now that I am older and on meds I am on SSD sort of ironic isnt it.
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