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Maybe the onset of Bipolar....??
Watch this 
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Hi everyone,
I think I should first start by giving you all a little history of myself as this could help with getting advise. I'm 21, I have had mental health issue's for quite some time now. I was diagnosed with severe major depression at the age of 15 and was later hospitalized at the age of 16 where I spent 6 months. During this 6 months I made multiple attempts to speak to my psychologists and other professionals (to many to remember) about the possibility of me having Bipolar Disorder and/or Borderline Personality Disorder. I just seemed to get brushed off which isn't new for me, even getting diagnosed with major depression took awhile. At the age of 19 I ended up being diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder and they believe I probably was suffering with it when I was in hospital but my age prevented them from diagnosing me. (I must say I have trouble believing this as there was 2 other people on my ward 1 aged 14 and 1 aged 17 who both had been diagnosed with BPD and 1 with Bipolar Disorder 1).
I am currently not taking any medication.
I now think I really could be going through the onset of bipolar, My moods are fluctuating at a different intensity than normal. One day I can be on a low (which seem to be getting worse as time goes on) and then that can all change and I feel like I could run a marathon, I'm taking part in risky behavior (not for the 1st time) although I currently wouldn't say it was too dangerous although not sure I'm a fair judge. I have experienced bad sleep since the age of 9 going through periods of extreme insomnia and at the best time getting around 4-6 hours sleep a night. However I've noticed that my insomnia feels different at times I know this probably sound weird but it doesn't feel like insomnia like I can realise I haven't slept for a day or 2 and still I feel like I have a lot of energy that I just can't stay still. I'm going to be honest with you all an let you know that I smoke Cannabis but only at night usually in order to get some sleep, occasionally I use it during a depressive episode in order to just disappear for alittle while and I've also recognized that I sometimes seem to smoke when I'm getting jittery it's hard to explain but it's like I can feel energy building inside me, I don't know why I sometimes smoke then as I like it when I've got energy. I don't eat very much and go days sometimes weeks at a time without eating anything, this is sometimes intentional and other times I just completely forget and when someone points out I haven't eaten or asks me what I've had to eat I just brush'em off or tell them I'll eat in a bit yet forget to do so. I do believe I experience 'normal moods' as they refer to as this is the type of mood I think I'm in now. I don't know what this all means but I'm too scared to tell my psychologist I'm afraid of just being brushed off again or her thinking I'm making this up (if only that was the case), not to mention I wouldn't really know where to start, I have such difficulty explaining myself sometimes that I feel like I'm making no sense. I'm also worried/afraid about this all getting worse, my family have had enough difficulty dealing with my BPD that I'm trying so hard to hide this from them which is proving tricky as I still live with my mum :S :s.
Can anyone give me some advise?? Has anyone else experienced this?? see that sounds like a stupid question, I guess at the moment I'm looking for advise, insight and opinions (hopefully no nasty ones) on the above. Also if you believe I need to tell my psychologist about this could you give me idea's on how to break the ice as they say??

Thank You in advance to anyone who replies :) :)
Posted on 03/17/13, 04:24 pm
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Reply #1 - 03/17/13  4:28pm
" The only person who is qualified to give you an exact diagnosis , is a Psychiatrist.

and even then, it takes some time

Your rapid mood cycles may indicate Boarder Line , although many BP people rapid cycle .

Your Dr's were probably hesitant to give you an exact Dx ( diagnosis ) , because of your age .

My suggestion , is get your self to a new Pdoc ( psychiatrist) and see what comes of that

Good luck "
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Reply #2 - 03/17/13  4:48pm
" I do understand that a psychiatrist is the only person who can diagnose me, this post wasn't intended as a self diagnoses or asking other to diagnose me.
Also my Psychologist is a different one from when I was in hospital, I have extreme difficulty trusting people, with a nearly constant fear of being abandoned.

xx "
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Reply #3 - 03/17/13  5:19pm
" Fear of abandonment seems to be a common BP theme .
I know I have issues about it .

I hope you can get things settled and get yourself on a good track soon

dd "
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Reply #4 - 03/17/13  5:19pm
" If your moods fluctuate very quickly it's more likely to be borderline (see below).

It's important to get it straight because Borderline and Bipolar have totally different treatments - therapy for Borderline, meds for Bipolar.

Quote from an article re the differences...

"According to Dr. Friedel, director of the BPD program at Virginia Commonwealth University, there are two main differences between BPD and bipolar disorder:

1. People with BPD cycle much more quickly, often several times a day.

2. The moods in people with BPD are more dependent, either positively or negatively, on what's going on in their life at the moment. Anything that might smack of abandonment (however far fetched) is a major trigger.

3. In people with BPD, the mood swings are more distinct. Marsha M. Linehan, professor of psychology at the University of Washington, says that while people with bipolar disorder swing between all-encompassing periods of mania and major depression, the mood swings typical in BPD are more specific. She says, "You have fear going up and down, sadness going up and down, anger up and down, disgust up and down, and love up and down."

Randi Kreger
Author, "The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tips and Tools to Stop Walking on Eggshells"
(Available at "
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Reply #5 - 03/17/13  7:37pm
" fear of abandonment is actually a borderline thing - of course no one likes abandonment but perception and trying to avoid abandonment is one of the core borderline issues. "

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