What is Bipolar Disorder
Bipolar disorder (previously known as manic depression) is a diagnostic category describing a class of mood disorders where the person experiences states or episodes of depression ...
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Crisis Center
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suicidal, afraid cannot be put back together
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anyone feel like they're shrinking more and more each minute so that they will disappear.. more detached.. am cutting as much as i can, have stolen warfarin so that when i take it and cut i will bleed out quickly and it will definitely work. mental health services here are easy to talk your way out of if necessary. i am afraid that if i break into small pieces that there is no way that i will get back together agan, the straw that broke the camels back was my bp brother whom i have spent the last six weeks trying to help, while dealing with horrible family members, my mother 's last months as she maages to stay alive. he refuses to get help. i have been providing food and money that i don't have, got him to a hospital where they sent him home even though he told them he wanted to kill my father , with good reason, and then himself. he blew up at me last weekend, threatened me with a knife and left me in terror on sat night cutting and crying for the night. he has now told me he never wants to see me or speak to me ever again, i also had given me a place to stay, i am so hurt, my function level is at an all time low. my pdoc calls me several times a day to make sure i am alive and it is only those call that keep me going. my son's girlfriend's baby died in the womb this week at ten weeks into the pregnancy. she had to go through labour and we are all devastated. it was a boy, alex-fintan. only three out of eleven family members even bothered to call me and only one called my son. i am so lonely and in such pain i just want all this pain to end. i am tired of all this. i seriously need help. i am also being evicted at the end of the month as it has cost me the last four months rent to travel the four and a half hour journey each way every weekend to see my mother. i am totally at the end of my resources of strength.
Posted on 11/09/09, 06:11 am |
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Go to the ER. That's the advice I'm getting with the same thoughts. 
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If your pdoc is calling you regularly, then she must be aware that you need to be hospitalized. Plz tell him/her you need it desperately.
And maybe a med tweak, although it seems a lot of the depression is situational. As for your brother....remember he's ill too. He probably won't even remember saying that to you. It doesn't matter if your family appreciates you, the fact of the matter is that you gave your all and for that you should be proud of yourself. Please talk to pdoc and keep us posted....Hugs!
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Someone just told me that she still suffers a year after her best friend's suicide. One year later she still feels the pain. Think about all the people, the pain you'd cause.
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was in deressed cycle and sucidal before all this started. was hangng on by a thread. that thread is getting weaker and weaker by the minute. am getting up and cooking breakfast for my daughter, straight back to bed. sick stomach gets me out of most of evening and up for an hour or so to cook dinner and escape to room again. leave house only to see pdoc or to travel to see my mother both of which exhaust me. i drive recklessly as accidental death would be better. my brother completed suicide six years ago but the understanding that an illness killed him does make it easier to accept. extreme pain is a terrrible thing to live with.
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Extreme pain is difficult to live with. I completely agree.
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I know that life throws lots of things our way, and they overwhelm us. I was faced with ill family members, travelling to help care for them, spending money I didn't have all while dealing with this disorder and in the face of the foreclosure of my home. It's been years since then, and I had been suicidal at that time. I only tell you this so that you know you can make it through it. Perhaps your child/ren are old enough to take care of themselves, but that doesn't mean that it will make it any easier on them. 7 years after my father's suicide I still ache at the loss.
I agree with RITKat. You may need to be hospitalized right now. You're already hurting yourself, and you need help. Let everything take the back seat to yourself. Don't think of anything but yourself for now...for once. Put yourself first. Go to the hospital. Let them take care of you. You're in my thoughts and prayers.
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Don't beat yourself up for not doing much. Just concentrate on you now. And getting to a hospital. Do you have a call into pdoc's office?
Keep us posted.
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G, I can't say it any better or any differently than what has been said here. You are in serious danger right now and need to be somewhere where you can be monitored and stabilized again. You must take care of yourself above all others.
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bump
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All I can do is agree with the rest who have posted. You are in serious danger and need to be in a safe (hospital) place right now. I wish you all the best. ((hugs))
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