Bipolar Disorder Support Group

I have been diagnosed with cronic depression, bi-polar, borderline personality disorder, anxiety, post-tramadic stress, and who knows what else. I have highs and lows that are usually mild and fluxuate weekly, then I get the big high and the crash. This can vary from a couple of months to a couple of years. When it hits its life altering. Right now I do not have insurance and i cannot afford my meds. I have been using meditation and focusing on work and kids. This is fading fast for me. I have been thinking about baker acting myself but not sure if I can. I am the only person working in the family. If I do admit myself, then my job will end and with my record of not being able to keep jobs,I will most likley not get another one. I dont know how much more I can take. I am so tired and in so much pain physically. I feel as if the world is falling in on me. I dont want to commit suicide because of my kids, but I pray every day that this would be my last so I could finally be at peace. I dont know how much longer I can fight off these demands in my head. My mom passed away 2 yrs ago and she was my person to talk to. Now I have noone. I am scared that I am going to crack and not only take myself down, but someone else with me. I am a very loving person and give so much to others and I think that I am a good person, but I am so tired of struggling and fighting with daily life, the past wont let me go as much as i want it to go away. I feel like I have failed at everything. I went back to school and got my BA in Business, now I am a General Manager for a fast food restaurant. Why is it that everytime I try to make things better it fails? Maybe I should just give up and diapear.
Posted on 09/21/12, 09:27 pm