Bipolar Disorder Support Group

Hugs Java!!

Your son knows cleaning the kitchen includes loading the dishwasher and running it. He is being passive-aggressive with you. I ought to know, I live with a classic passive aggressive. They are also known as crazy makers. In that when you blow up on them they are all innocent and YOU are the crazy one.

I would suggest you do some reading online about a passive aggressive person and how to deal with them. Do it for you. I have a few tricks in place for dealing with it, and thank God or I would have already shot him.

I really hope you went to your counseling. I'm concerned about you.

"Nothing will ever change around here" Well, you are right about that. YOU are the only one that you can change. Change your reaction and please don't turn your anger on yourself.

Another big hug for you.

Java, I am soooooo sorry that you are so angry. I have been here so many times with my boys. Especially the two oldest. The worst possible scenario is when the father isn't on the same page. My husband used to be there and for years I was in agony trying to fight for what I knew was right and trying to do what he thought best.

I am a very different person today. I won't take shit from my boys and I lay the ground rules. My husband has learned to listen and try to understand why I am upset or to see what is actually going on with the boys. The biggest problem was that my hubs was not home very much so he didnt see near what I did nor did he have to experience their shit. They were angels when he was around.

All of mine are adults ages 19-27 now. My 25 year old has lived on his own for a while now. I kicked him out when he started doing drugs again............now, he has been clean over 45 days and doing well. My 19 y/o lives here and does the chores expected of him or he knows he is "out". Same with my 21 y/o but I never have to tell him anything twice if at all. He is amazing. My oldest, 27, is home detoxing and in a three month outpatient rehab program. He knows the rules and if he doesnt follow them, he is out THAT FRICKIN SECOND. He knows I am serious because I kicked him out a while back and he lived in his car. This is his LAST chance. I told him he has to be out 30 days after the program.

Java, my heart aches for you because I know exactly how you feel. Honey, you have to get tough and follow through with whatever means possible. That man (your son) will NEVER leave as long as he can get away with this shit and he knows it pisses you off. Dont think for a minute that he doesnt know he is pushing your buttons and that his father will most likely side with him.

I remember the day that I said to my husband...........either they go, you start acting like my partner and their father, or I am leaving. He knew I meant it. I would never divorce him but I could no longer stay in this house with all the shit they (two oldest) were putting me through. They are both drug addicts and both recovering now.

Take a stand but most of all work on taking a deep breath before you react. That is what he wants. It takes so much practice but I found the quieter I said things the more they listened because they knew I meant it. When I screamed, they just blocked it out and heard waaaaaaa waaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaa!!!!

There are a couple of books that I read that helped. The one was "Don't Let Your Kids Kill You" by Charles Rubin and the other was "Setting Boundaries with your Adult Children" by Allison Bottke
I am also reading "The New Codependency" by Melody Beattie, She has written several books about codependency and even though it may not fit for you, it gives alot of information that helps me avoid traps with my adult children.

Honey, hang in there. I hope your therapist was able to help some. I know what it is like to be so mad you cannot see straight. I am SOOOO glad you could come here to vent............luv ya, xo

I will research the passive aggressiveness. I did go to counseling. Group starts next week and the counselor and I went through a technique or two because this was a crisis situation.

When I get angry at this son (I have two) I ONLY see red and then I have intrusive thoughts which are of a homicidal nature.

I found out something I did not know today and I really wonder if we're gonna make it. Will post about that in the other forum though.