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A Place To Vent
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Too much going on in this brain..
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I can't help but feel guilty these past few weeks.
When I was undiagnosed as bipolar but diagnosed with depression, I racked up a lot of bills with unnecessary spending. Guess that should've been a tip off of the mania, huh. Anyway, as of this September, I will have paid off the entire $20,000 debt. Here I am, 29 years old, a college graduate that can't find a steady job living in my parents' basement. Yes, I know it's the sign of the times but I can't keep fighting these urges to be out on my own. I know it'll take time but I honestly cannot wait for the day I sign the lease for an apartment that is my OWN. Basically I feel like I'm starting over and angry that I pissed away my 20's by being out of control. I know other people have it way worse than I do and I should be counting my blessings, but there is that drive to support myself and my family (if and when I ever get to have one) within me that will not ever go away. I need to get out of this house and away from my family for a while so I can do things on my own. My family is great, we do get along just fine but I feel so suffocated. I feel so much envy for the people who get to have their own space and support themselves. It's different for everyone in every phase of life but this is where my head is right now. It's time to find a better job with benefits and stop pissing my life away. I have so much planned and so many things I want to do that I feel like over the last 10 years, I feel like I have been stuck. Posted on 06/21/12, 10:15 pm |
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I want to encourage you to hang in there and try not to let previous financial issues weigh down your future. I understand it's easily said because believe me, I'm dealing with the same issue. We should pat ourselves on the back that we're getting out of debt and resolve that we'll do the best we can not to put ourselves in that position in the future.
It's positive that you have a goal of independence. It's ok that for now, you've got a support net at home. One thing is for sure, nothing is permanent and having goals is positive. I don't have any solutions or answers for you, just encouragement to hang in there and be kind to yourself. I am trying to accept that life is lived one second, one minute, one hour, one day at a time. 
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