What is Bereavement
Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has a physical, cognitive, behavioural, social and philosophic...
Join Now
|
Sister just died
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
Last week I drove five hours to stay with my mom, sister and two of her kids. My sister had end stage liver disease caused by hep C and alcoholism, and my mom needed help to take care of her. Hospice was in the house but for some reason I thought maybe we could get her strong enough to get on a transplant list . I called hospitals and researched online etc. I read about people being really bad off and surviving. But she had to wait four more months just to get on a list (if accepted, because she was an alcoholic).
Anyway, by the time I got there she was having encephalopathy, and was mostly out of it. She'd say: I hear babies. Or: I just feel sorry for the ladies. But she understood when I asked if she wanted medicine. She suffered so badly; blisters had broken out on her buttocks and thighs and turned into these horrible charred looking lesions that she would break open by touching them because they hurt. I was worrying about my mom, worrying about the kids, my kid (who was there), and trying to accept my sister was dying. The second day she was there I could tell it was the day she would die; she was heavy sighing breathing. I sat with her all day and she died around 3:30PM. I was glad she was not suffering any longer. But could not believe this vibrant person was gone. Then I had to take care of my mom, who was a wreck; watch after the kids (the 13 year old just immediately locked herself in her room). My boyfriend is in San Francisco, three hours difference. He's been supportive, but I need really just to be held. My sister's *husband* began to show up every day to do his part to take care of things (kids, mom, etc) I let it go because I need someone to watch after them. But I blame him a lot for my sister's problems in life. I had to take care of the cremation, and getting her ashes. I set up an altar but we had no service; my sister's friends were all estranged from her. I am home now, and I sort of feel almost nothing. I cry a little. But I am guessing it is too much to feel? I almost feel weird, because this is the worst loss in my life (my father died a year and a half ago from a liver related cancer~and that whole situation is what you would call complicated grief). I guess I am afraid that it will hit me all at once, or that I will get really depressed (it took me a year to get to somewhat normal after my dad died). I have so much to take care of, and stress. I can't not function. But I am afraid. Thanks for listening..... Posted on 11/03/09, 07:11 pm |
| 9 Replies | Add Your Reply |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I'm so sorry for your loss. I was sort of numb when my mom died last year. It actually took many weeks for the real pain and sense of loss to set in. I know you'll get through this....sometimes it takes a long time, but it seems we all survive these terrible losses in our lives.
good luck and God bless. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I am also so very sorry for your loss! Whether it's expected or unexpected, I don't think we're ever quite ready to lose someone so close to us. I remember after my father and step-father each passed away I would cry but it also seemed kind of numb and surreal--like it couldn't be happening (heck, sometimes I still feel like that). The important thing to always remember is that your sister loved you and isn't suffering any more! Also, there are alot of people who are here for you and care about you! If you ever need or want someone to talk to, please feel free to messge me!
Again, I'm so sorry for your loss!
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I'm so sorry for your loss. You are such a strong person for enduring those days and now you are home - it gives you time to think or maybe not. It could be too soon for your brain to even process at this point. At some point you will feel again. Just take things one day at a time.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I am so sorry for your Loss. I lost my sister almost 7 weeks ago. It is very difficult. And it's so new to you. Be kind to yourself, when you get the chance, just try to sit and relax, close your eyes and if the tears come let them. We're all here for you. come here often, maybe not to post anything, but maybe just to read what others write and you'll know you aren't alone in all this. Bless you
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hi coyotesun. I had a similar situation this past summer. I was with my brother the last few days when he was dying of brain cancer and 3 months before that my father died. We had been supporting him the last several weeks in the hospital before he died. Needless to say, my Spring and Summer have been the very worst of my life.
As you know from losing your father, the grief does come in stages. After my brother died, I was holding up OK and then I just broke down and got sick too. I was so overwhelmed with it all and my immune system took a dump. I started on anti-depressants, and while they did not help with the illness, they did help me with the grief and pain I was feeling for my family loses. Good luck and I wish you peace and serenity through this trying time for you. P.S. Even though it was hard, I was so happy to be with my father and brother during their last days. I live several hundred miles from them and had to take a personal leave from work. I am forever grateful that I decided to do that.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I am so sorry for your loss. You have been through a tramatic event and it is natural to feel like everything is on hold or not normal or different. Greif is a process that can take years or sometimes it never goes away. Remember that there are people who love you and though they are greiving themselves, you need each other.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
I am so sorry about your sister. I think it is normal to feel just numbness and shock right now. Take care of you, reach out to your friends who will help you through this difficult time. We are here for you too.
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Thank you all so much for your replies; I realize even in my writing I am a-emotional. I think it is just sort of too big. If i talk with someone it will be like a huge thing coming out of me. Sort of scares me, because maybe then i have to accept it. We were so close; and I feel guilty for recent arguments we were having about stuff (not when she was sick) and that I did not just talk to her more about it because I wanted to focus on *hope* and possibility for her to somehow recover. I was focusing on research and getting help etc.
My brother is with my mom now thru the weekend, and then I know my mom will really have a hard time coping; I can see her just getting lost in her depression and my sister's two kids are there. It feels like a lot of stress and heavy burden for me. I don't mean to say these loved people are burdens, but I have a job, a huge mortgage payment, and a child here in Massachusetts who has trouble in school and needs advocating. I rely on the childsupport I get from his dad to pay my mortgage....so leaving for while would be really tough. :p I appreciate your words and thoughts and stories. Helps me to not feel alone, ~patti
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
sorry for your loss it will be o.k stay strong.
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Reply |
