Bereavement Support Group

first of all let me say how sorry I am that this happened. Secondly, I wish to comment on his depression. As a sufferer of depression myself, don't blame yourself for as you say "turned your back on him". For someone who has never had depression, it is very difficult to understand it. It is also very frustrating for those who try to deal with it. Many people say things like "just snap out of it" or ask the questions like "what have you got to be depressed about". These statements have been made many time and are often said out of frustration of dealing with someone with depression.

It's true, you can't change what happened now, you can't turn the pages back and make things all better but, you can learn from this experience. Depression is something that Doctors have dealt with for years and it has so many facets to try and deal with.

Don't be so hard on yourself. You couldn't fix what was wrong and you didn't understand how to deal with something you couldn't understand.

Depression is a terrible disease of the mind. We have antibiotics to deal with infections, and serums for various other diseases but, depression is totally different and scientists and doctor have not truly figured it all out themselves so, don't feel like it was your fault this happened. I am here if you need me.

Oldbiker

That is part of my issues, I too suffer with depression as well as other problems. I knew how upset he had been, the problems he had and felt he had...now the Dr upped my meds thinking it will help but it don't, or at least I don't feel like it is helping. Thank you for your reply, it helps to know someone may understand some of what I am going through.

You live your life with the lessons he taught you in both life and death. Honor the good memories, love well... live well

i lost my son in february, due to suicide and wilson's disease, so i know some of your pain. please seek counseling, and if you don't like the first one, go to someone that you can connect to. my health insurance even pays. your husband was suffering any many different ways and you cannot blame yourself. it's has only been two months..
grief takes a very long time.
you must think of the wonderful times you have had with him, and not the tragic. your husband had a disease, just like cancer so please try to don't put yourself thru anymore pain that you are already in.
i am so sorry for you loss
dlutz

Groundhog day and reliving each say is the worst and staying home as a "recluse" doesn't help I've heard. It's a tough battle and although I am doing whatever it I'm doing "my way" and don't talk about it much it's something I know I will just have to go through again.

This may be the worst as I was younger before and perhaps could handle it better-not that I am "old" now..but feel like I'm a hundred on many days, as I am sure we all do during grieving from time to time..

I try and give advice, but then I wonder why? I mean, what the hell do I know really? I have learned one thing on this forum..that there are good people with very good advice here. I suggest, for whatever it's worth that you listen to their advice as it could help you. That is the only suggestion I have.

One last thing -we all live with the what ifs or I shoulda been nicer or something like that after a death. All I can say to that is that only one perfect man walked this Earth once-and as far as I know we're not in the Garden of Eden anymore-so we are all imperfect in an imperfect world. All of a sudden we try to be "perfect" with 20/20 hindsight after a loved one has departed, and we can't even do that right-meaning try to live and accept your imperfections as a human being..easy to say-very hard to do.

I will say it again what I say a lot and that Time-is the only thing that lessens this grief. For some it's longer than others as there is no way one can know. I don't do it, but perhaps this depression counseling will work for you. Really and truly sorry for your loss-hang in there. :-)

I'm sorry for your loss and pain. You will be in my prayers. My husband completed suicide Dec. 22, 2008 You can message me if you need to vent. Hugs, Debbie

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your best friend and husband. I think that we all have things that we wish we would have done, would have said, would have changed. I know it is hard now, but try to focus on your happy times with him. Try not to blame yourself. I know easier said than done. I hope your new meds begin to help you with getting through this terrible time. Give yourself time and take care of yourself...

A huge THANK YOU to all that have replied, I know my family loves me and tries to help but at the end of the day....anyway the replies I have gotten have made me feel some what better, I still have a long way to go but just knowing ohers have been thru pain something like I am dealing with does help. Thank you for your advice and comfort, thank God I came upon this site.

i am so sorry to hear about your loss. When i found out my childhood friend had died of an overdose (possibly suicide), I felt so guilty because I couldnt help her. I think it is a common reaction to a loss like this. I discovered that we shouldn't blame ourselves for what we did/ should have said. I found that counseling helped, i had some issues that i had to deal with. Hope you find support in your loved ones, and get the help you need.

I lost my son to suicide. Then 3 days after his memorial my step daughter also killed herfelf. First there are no words, but I am so sorry for your loss. I also try to explain how I surrvived and how I look at it. Suicide of any type is a whole grief within a grief. People look at it and treat you diffrently, and then there are the feelings of guilt that each of us tend to take upon our selves. I know there are regrets that I have that I did not do something diffrent or something more.But, if a grown man (or woman) is depressed enough and in enough emotional pain that they want to kill them selves, there is nothing we can humanly do to stop them. There is a point in every life when we all must take responsibility for ourselves and our actions. All marriages or relatioships of any lind have angry words annd rough waters they go through. It is horrible that he choose to kill himself with harsh ords between yaou, but I am sure that you are not the only one who spoke out in anger and who hurt the other. People are depressed about many diffrent things, and sometimes it is a chemical imbalance in our brains and body. You will always hurt and having regrets is one thing I know I still and will always have. I am not however guilty. I did everything that my son(he was 38 and died 12-2007) would allow me to do. I could not go over and force him to take an antidepressant everyday, or make him keep his apointments at his counseler.(who by the way said he was progressing fine!!!!!) I beg you go get some kind of counseling for yourself. Talk to a profesional that can help you cope with this. I have, and I am on anti depressants too. I am doing better, and I am making a life of sorts. I still cry and my heart is forever broken. I had 2 sons, the one who killed himself was my oldest. My younger and only other child, another son died in 2003. He was 29. I have no living chilren. Please note that I have regrets, but NOY guilt. There may seem only a small diffrence, but it is diffrent. My prayers are with you,Love,Peggy