What is Bereavement
Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has a physical, cognitive, behavioural, social and philosophic...
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the loss of my Grandmother
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I just jumped on the computer to look up support groups. I'm going through a real hard time in my life. I will try in my best words to explain how I'm feeling.
My Grandma lived on her own and she was 92 and I feel blessed to have had her a part of my life for so many years. I'm now 48 and I lived with my grandma the first 8 years of my life. When my parents found the house they wanted I moved off with them. I can remember when I was going up I would cry til I got my way and was able to spend everyday I didnt have to go to school with her. I Aunt said if I didnt get my way she could here me from blocks away. Yes I was spoiled when it came to Grandma. Well that special bond between my grandma just grew more and more over the years. I would pick her up and take her places so she could get out of the house. I picked her up on Aug 25 and we went out to the Casino and I tell you she loved to play the slots;). She came up to me that night and said Tina I dont feel well. I told her ok lets go. Right there I knew something was wrong cause she always loved going and having a nice time. we got to the casino doors and I had to call for help. within 10 secs I had 6 people there.she was spitting up this nasty black stuff. Her heart rate was rapid. I then drove her to a hospital 5 miles down the road. they didnt have anyone one on call that could look down inside to see what was going on. I then had her transported to Genesys hospital. she then had a tube down her nose and waited for someone to come in and look at her. they still couldnt tell us what that black stuff she was bringing up was.....finally after 2 days they pulled the tube out of my grandma nose and started feeding her solid foods..........porkchops and green beans. unreal huh.......she didnt start out with clear liquids. The she started to asperate and she had to be out on a vent.........now at the time after the vent my Grandmother was of sound mind. Every choice she made was heer own. After her 19 day of being on the vent Grandma had to decide if she wanted to let go and pass away or get a trach put in. Because she was having a hard time being ween off the vent. She was told sometimes people can get ween off the trach.......soo she did. to make a long story short .......they wanted us to pull the vent of Grandma cause she was 92.........we asked her and she said no.......THAT SHE WANTED TO LIVE. We faught the Docs and had her moved to another hospital. The new hospital took her in and she was being fed by TPN which is vein feeding and then she also go a J-tube put in her belly. Over a period of time we watched her get weak and swollen. she ended up getting a blood clot from her pick line in her arm. this all happen over a 8 week span. We had to stand there and watch her in pain and walked away everyday hurtting ourselves. We just held her hand and tried to read her lips. At first we had a board so we could talk to her, then she got to weak to use it. On the night of Oct 18th at 2 pm she was ready to go. that she just wasnt going to make it. The family was called and spent time with her.she got to tell everyone good-bye and at 8 pm they started pulling the tube out of her nose and they gave her some adavan and morphine to make her more comfortable. she relaxed and went to sleep and they then shut off the vent machine and hooked up Oxygen to her through the trach and I held her hand and the other family members stood there tell her heart gave out. It was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my life. But I just hope and pray she felt me holding her hand as she walked to the Gates of heaven to be with the lord and my grandpa and her parents. I went to the service yesterday and watched them put her in the vault in the ground. I seen many things over the 2 months thats going to take me a long time to get past it . That is if I ever can. Any help with this pain I'm feeling books,other stories maybe about how you or someone you know coped with it.I would grately accept it. Thanks for your time Miztina Posted on 10/26/09, 12:10 am |
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I am very sorry for the loss of your Grandmother. I was also close to mine and lost her as well. It doesn’t make it any easier if they are older citizens. We loved them so. God bless you in you and your family’s time of grief. Time is the greatest ally we have in the “healing” of our grief, but it could be a long road ahead and I am glad you joined this forum as there are very fine people here who have also gone through many similar losses like yours that I am sure can help you during your difficult days ahead. God bless. 
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I'm sorry that you loss your grandma. You seemed very close to her. I lost my grandmother feb. 5, 2007. She loved spending time with family. I miss her very much. My grandmother was 88 and did everything herself while living alone. They were both tough cookies. :)
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I also lived with my grandmother until I was 4.
She died yesterday at the age of 91. I just lost my 14 year old nephew a little over 4 months ago. I feel your pain & I am so sorry for the loss & void you feel at this time. May peace be with you.
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I have reread your post about your Grandma and what she went through at the hospital. I will say again that I am very sorry for what she, you and the rest of your family went through. It doesn't matter what the age is-I have read about women who were close to a 100 years old pull out of tougher situations than what you described. The entire management of your Grandmother's case should be reviewed.
I suggest you get a copy of her medical records and let an expert do this. No doctor or hospital has the right to play God. No hospital should have said to you that they wanted to pull the tubes out Merely because your Grandmother was 92 years old. Just think how they do this to younger patients in their late 70's or early 80's who are even in better condition and they let them slowly die on purpose by using drugs like Adavan and Morphine as you stated. Where you took your Grandmother was a Hospital and not a Hospice but the care she received was as if she was in a hospice. This seems to be the new trend these days in hospitals where physicians and the hospitals have an "unwritten rule" where they do less to save a patient that is listed in the "Geriatric Category". If that is the case why do the have Geriatric doctors and why do we read about tons of cases where older patients with Good Care-with no Negligence in that care survive. I have very strong feelings on that point and it may very well have been too late for your Grandmother because she was in bad shape already when she went in and a lot of time delays by the hospital di dnot help such as failure to properly diagnose etc. Society must be wary of going down this path of Euthanasia practice which is essentially what it is. my condolences to you and good luck in whatever you do. :-)
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