Bereavement Support Group

Hello everyone. I'm new to the forum. This is the first time that I have publicly discussed my situation with strangers. I'm almost 37 years old and I lost both of my parents many years ago. My father passed from a heart attack when I was 17. I was home at the time with my mother and girlfriend. My mother burst into my room to tell me there was something wrong with daddy. I rushed to the living room where he was laying on the floor. I called 911 and they rushed him to the hospital, but he was gone before they even took him. It was a horrible time in my life.

I lost my mother four years later when I was 21. She had a heart condition for the past two years. It was almost the same date as my father's passing four years earlier. I came home from work and found her on the living room couch sitting up. I thought that she was sleeping. I called out to her and she didn't answer, so I got this sick feeling in my stomach and when I touched her, she was cold. I cannot explain how I felt. I felt like my world had fallen apart. I felt so empty.

I was a senior in college when my mother passed and I was going to drop out so that I could work full time. I did have family with me. I am an only child, so I had some cousins, aunts and uncles that talked me out of dropping out since I was only one semester from graduating. So I graduated and worked 3 jobs to make ends meet. Unfortunately working so much made me have to give my mother's dog away. I wasn't home enough to take care of her properly. That was one of the hardest things that I had to do and I still regret it today.

I was lucky enough to get a good job about two years after my mom had passed. I swear that they saw me through this from up above. I was also lucky enough to get married in 2002 and have two beautiful children.

But not a day goes by that I don't think about my parents. Sometimes I'll look at a picture or hear a song and burst into tears. It has been this way for 19 years. Is it normal for me to still get so upset this many years later? I visit them at the cemetery on their birthdays, wedding anniversary, holidays, mother's day, father's day and the dates that they passed. I still get upset at the cemetery. Before they left me, I was a tough guy that never cried. I still try my best not to cry in front of others. I know that people can grieve for a long time. But I don't know if there is something wrong with me. I get VERY upset at times, almost like they just passed yesterday.

Sorry about the long story. Any comments would be appreciated.
Posted on 10/05/09, 12:10 am