Bereavement Support Group

Matthew Allen Sasser is his name, my son. i lost him 5 yr.s ago,July 10-03 is his Angel date. He was in back of a pick up on his way out to eat, didn't wont to get dirty so sat up on tool box, 18 boy that was driveing took curve to fast an hit side bank Matthew sled over side an under back tire went over.He had brain trama broke coller bone an things, put him in med. coma for 11 days never felt what they tried to warn me about, he suprised all when woke up, an wasn't not as bad as they had thought. He was in an out of hosp. a couple times over that next 3 mon..He had to have a trac. put in cause had been vented 2 times. so o.k. we'll do this , went home what ever happened i went with it, stuff i had never heard of befor i know by heart now, they said do it i did it they said learn it i said so me. so we go home Matthew never wonted people to feel sorry for him, so we went on like norm. as much as poss.{i now see more than i did then, but you don't care you just do it} we had a fire an our home burned down, my husb. gt the girls out, me an Matt were not there. me Matt an stayed in hotel{girls went with aunt} the next morn. Matthew said he needed suchtion from his trak, this we had done so many times so didn't think this was diff. i feel guilt cause i was on phone when he said it an i know that it wouldn't have changed anything but...so i went to do what they taught me to do... this time omg it wasn't the same i'm doing suchtion an it's doing no good them all of a sudden there's all this blood. why why why is there blood nonono this is not what is happening he droped to his knees an i layed him down doing all they said to F--king do they never said anything about something like this so i'm doing 911's coming Then he closed his eyes I felt IT. my son was scared an hurting an i was worthless. they say i did all that could have been done, there is no training for what happened an even if at hosp. the same......a blood clot in his wind pipe burst... still doesn't matter mom's r suppose to fix all bo bo's
Posted on 06/30/09, 03:06 pm