What is Bereavement
Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has a physical, cognitive, behavioural, social and philosophic...
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Death of an estranged spouse
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How do you even begin to deal??? Should I really be grieving over a man who left me 2 years ago? A man who treated me badly during our marriage? Someone who did unthinkable things to me? When Kelly died in December, it's like a piece of me went with him. I still struggle with the reality that at 30 he's really gone. How can I be a widow at 26?!? Some say I shouldn't be that upset. Some were confused by the devastation I felt when he died. I mean after all we were finally on our way to a divorce. Those wounds were begining to heal. Now I'm left with even more questions and doubts and no way to get closure. It's be 6 months and I still dream about him. I still think about him. He wasn't the greatest husband, but I did love him once. My heart still aches at times. I had began to move on before he passed and I continue to try to move on with my life even now. I've grown accustomed to using the phrase "my late husband" that it still suprises me when people are shocked to hear someone so young saying it. I don't know how else to refer to him. He did exsist. I was married and my husband did die. There is no getting around the fact that I'm a widow. We may have been separated but I was still legally his wife and he was still legally my husband. It just doesn't feel right to refer to him as my ex-husband. It's a hard thing to grasp and as I branch out and continue moving forward in my life there will be times when it all comes rushing back...I am 26 years old and a widow.
Posted on 06/26/09, 02:06 am |
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You have every right to be upset. 
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I am sorry for what you are living at this moment. Even though he has passed away and you were already separated, he was part of your life so it is normal that you feel devastated and even with more doubts..
i think other people usually wouldn't understand how upset and sad you feel, because you are the ones in your shoes not them.. it doesn't matter what you are expected to feel, i think you can be rational in a way but you are also more than entitled to grief with his loss. Yes you are 26 years old and that also means you have your life ahead of you. You have so much to live for, to see, to read, to learn and to give and thats the positive side. This will also bring you maturity and personal growth that will allow you to live your life the best way possible. I am 25 yrs old and I lost my 28 yr old sister (my best friend and companion) 2 months ago,and you know what? I understand you perfectly because I feel everything but 25, young and with a lot of potential.. But i believe we will live better days and my thoughts are with you too. I hope this helps a little at least.. take good care
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You are very young to have lost someone in your life that was that close to you. Often times a relationship that is unhealthy with verbal abuse, etc., there can be ties (mentally) that are much more difficult to break as I am sure you are aware of now.
I am sorry for the losses each of you have suffered.
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I believe "gamgam" is right. You're so young to have experienced such bad experience and then loss. But I understand.
My parents broke up when I was an infant. My Dad was just a weekly visitor - while Mama was my life. Ironically, they declined simultaneously, died six months apart, and I found myself juggling both parents' care and helping Dad, too, after years of a non-relationship. After Mama died, despite his not being part of my life, I wondered if I should have brought him here. I didn't. I'm still haunted wondering if I made wrong medical choices during his last hours/days/years. And I even missed him afterwards. Go figure. I can't.
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are we sisters? I am still in shock to be a widow. I left my husband 8 months before he died. He was a drug addict, put me through hell - and I too am devastated by it. You are right, it is awful, the looks when people find out you are a widow so young, the weirdness of what to call him. I was on my way to divorce too. To say late husband implies you were together when he died, to say exhusband implies he is still alive. I call Brian my late husband, and I try to stop the urge to explain myself to everyone. One year later, I have come to the realization that I really dont quite fit with the mould, and I am getting used to it.
I hated my husband for what he did to himself and me, and I also loved him to no end. You feel whatever you want sweetie, the fact is that you did make vows at one point in your life to him, at that point you loved and treasured him. Regardless of what happened after that, he was an important part of your life and that is valid. your feelings are valid and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. I will probably grieve for my late husband for the rest of my life, even though we were not together. People who know me and love me understand that. And yes, I still dream of Brian most nights. and I still wonder what if. And I am still healing Big hugs to you
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I think when you lose someone..it doesn't matter 'who' that someone is but 'how' that someone had become part of your life ..how you had loved that someone...i'm sorry for your loss!
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Thanks so much to everyone who has responded. It's still a struggle some days. But mostly I'm getting better. widowat39, I myself dream of him often so I completely understand you dreaming of your late husband. I try not to play the "what if" games to much but sometimes I get sucked into it. I wonder if any of my decisions helped lead him to his death. But in the end I try and remind myself that he did it to himself. I will always love him. But he did it to himself.
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I think once you love someone, truly love them you are sad if they die, your shocked, and your sad you couldn't do something to help. It's natural and one thing I hate is when someone else tries to tell you what/how/when to grieve. Grief is a personal journey and its not up to anyone else.
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