Bereavement Support Group

mssunshine, I lost my sister in Feb 07 too and she and I were very close. She actually passed away on my first granddaughter birthday and I have all kinds of emotions on that day now. I need to be happy for my 9 year old granddaughter and yet it makes me so sad because I miss my sister so much.

I have kept a few of her things and I suppose I will wear them till they are strings! They do help me feel close to her and I am glad I kept them.

It will be a difficult task and I think your SIL is doing the right thing. I take it that he asked you to come do this with him? If so, then I think that was a nice thing for him to do.

The thing to remember is, as a rule, no one loves another person like their Momma does! So his being ready to go through her things is not a bad thing as it has been 2 years.

Did they have any children? Hope you do not mind my asking.

I will say that I agree with the others that mentioned what a cherished time it will be as you remember when you bought a particular something, etc. You will laugh and cry and all of it will be absolutely alright because we will always miss those we have lost.

I know you mentioned that you feel like you are just now adjusting to her passing and are worried that it will be a setback for you. I get what you are saying and would like to say that this will be healing for you too. Its just a little overwhelming to think that way about it right now.

Please keep in touch and let us know how you are doing. ANd remember, its always going to be alright for you to miss her.

Oh, that is so very, very hard. My Dad wanted me to go through, sort, distribute, give away my mother's stuff 7 weeks after her death. they'd lived in an assisted living apt and he just felt too surrounded. i did as he asked, placed some things i knew he'd want far out of his sight. i think i just went on auto-pilot.......

My fiance passed away April 30 of this year. I have gone through some papers because of legal matters (long story). Have looked for pictures because I'm doing a scrapbook for our daughter who is 5. As far as clothes go I havent gone through his closet. His step mother said it took her 3 years to go through his dad things. There is no time frame to go through belongings. It depends on circumstances as you see from some of these posts.

Timing is different for everyone. Some people go through their loved ones things immediatley. My father has been gone for about a year and a half and his things are still hung up in the closet. His nightstand is just how he left it. I've borrowed a couple shirts, but I know that the time will come soon when my mom will want to go through it. It's scarry because you know that it will bring up feelings that have been hiding in the creveces of your mind. I think that if you and your son in law go through them together, that it might be a good thing for you both. If you are really not ready, ask him if he could wait just a little while longer. Good luck and God Bless.

I can totally understand, it will be two years that I lost my soulmate in July...I have all his clothing in ONE closet in a room that I do NOT use. I just don't have it in me to get rid of them yet.. I will tell you what I did do though and it gives me much comfort. WE had our own company so I took one of his work shirts, work pants, and a woman made a teddy bear from them for me. I also have a bear made with his pajamas.. I know people that have had quilts made, etc. so MAYBE you could choose a few items that you would like to keep and have something made from them... Your son-in-law needs your help to do this, it will be hard, but maybe getting to choose some "special" items may help. My thoughts and prayers are with you as you go thru this process.Hugs.

Gettin rid of items seems so vary from person to person. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago and have thrown out one pair of short because they were covered with paint. His tennis shoes are still were he left them! I can't even part with his underwear! But, then my father in law passed away a year ago, and my mother in law had given away his items within a week! I just couldn't understand how she could do that! They were married for almost 60 years. Or am I the weird one??

Again I would like to thank everyone. My daughter would of wanted her things to go to someone in need and my son-in-law is young but he is still deeply in love with her. I know it will be hard for him too. My youngest daughter will be there with us and I am worried this will throw her over the edge. You see she is the one who found her. My other daughter is having a hard time too so I have introduced her to this site and she is on here at jamiejam. My son doesn't want to be around at all. I feel myself getting angry already and I am going through more crying spells than ususal again. It has to be the knowing I will be seeing her things again and the fact her birthday is just next month. I really wish people around me would stop thinking I am so strong cause I sure don't feel it anymore. I am surely not the same as I am sure you all can relate. Bless you all.

Thank you for sharing your feelings with all of us....I too had to face that dreaded task and I have to say I cried the whole time...took loads of breaks and even now just thinking about it hurts my heart...I would say we can't throw that away...are you sure u want to give that one up...aah I will take it with me....it was awful..Thank God you have your son in law with you and hopefully others that you can count on for support afterwards...when you think you had enough make sure you tell him and walk away till you can do it again...Took Ess and I two years to get the main stuff cleaned out and we haven't done the rest of it yet...and you know what I don't care if I don't ever do it again...I shall Pray that God gives you strength that will help you as you do this huge task....it was for me a huge task any ways..... God bless you Rainy

It definitely is one of the hardest things to do after losing a lvoed one. The first time I went through my daughter's things, the memories were there, but I suddenly realized this was "stuff", not her. I got rid of most but kept some boxes of her things which were stuffed in the back of a closet. A few years later, I went through again and kept less boxes. She's gone 18 years now and every few years I have gone through and narrowed down what to keep. Her son was only 14 months old when she died and someone told me to keep some of her clothes, school things, etc because it would help him as he grew to know more about her, like her size, her hobbies, etc. We just moved again in April and I let go of a lot more this time. I miss her more than ever, but those things are not her, she remains in my heart. Take a deep breath and do what you must. God bless.

thank you so much for posting this topic, my heart goes out to you, thank you everyone also for your comments and all the different ways you have dealt with this topic. my son was killed in a single car accident on oct 29, 2008, 10 days after his 27th birthday, i believe i am still in denial at times, and find it hard to believe he is gone.
i have not touched a single thing in his room. i just cant yet. i am in a grief group and have realized that we all grieve differently and that is all right. i still have my son's laundry on the floor of the laundry room. i cannot bring myself to wash it. i just yesterday, his 8 mo. anniversary of his death, turned on the tv in the family room that he used to use to watch tv. that thru me but i got thru that. i guess what i keep thinking at times is, 'one small step'. MSSUNSHINE, it sounds to me like you do not have a choice of when to pick when to go thru your daughter's things, it sounds like your son in law is ready, and you can either be there or not, maybe i am wrong in assuming this. i agree with the person who suggested you bring someone along. i still believe a mother's heart to their child is like no other. please be kind to yourself durning this process. i loved my son's cute things, even when he was alive. there are so many good ideas on this discussion. i dont have an answer for you and only you can decide what is best for you. go with you your gut. i hope you and your son in law get thru this in a kind, gentle way. God bless you.