Bereavement Support Group

I don't think there is any way to go through her things without feeling overwhelmed with sadness. But if you don't help your son-in-law,you will probably regret it.
My mom died a year ago, and we haven't gone through her stuff yet. When I'm at my dad's, I go into mom's bedroom and the sadness grips me.
I guess you accept that it will be painful and just do it.

mssunshine, I am so sorry for your loss. You have my deepest sympathy.

My son died three years ago. I still have his things in storage. I had a hard time deleting his phone number from my cell. (it IS still written in my address book though) I have gone through his things several times...but only to find something I wanted. I wanted a couple of his shirts to wear so I can get a much needed hug now and again. I found his stocking cap which still smelled like him...that was a killer. It sent me right back to his place.

It will be difficult to go through her things but sadmom is correct. If you don't help your son-in-law you will regret it. IT is part of the healing...something you need to do.

My oldest and I went through some of Jon's things about a year or so ago. It was like finding buried treasure. We found poems or lyrics to songs that he had written. We found more cassette tapes with his music on it. We found his favorite books and his favorite "treasures"....not to mention we found a dream catcher that he had made. It was a treasure hunt...oh and we also found all his stuff from when he was a baby....what a grand time we had, sorting, talking...remembering...honoring our precious Jon.

When all was said and done we were both totally drained emotionally, we had cried several times...but squealed with joy over our findings. I still have more to go through...maybe one day...someday. It is a bit overwhelming...but you will get through it and you will be a stronger person for it. Enjoy the day as much as you can.
Blessings to you.

I know this will be a great challenge for you. It is not going to be easy but through the sadness you may just find a little joy in seeing her things. In it's own way it could very well be a small form of closure. But it still needs to be in your time and not someone else's. I want you to know this my friend. I will be praying that God gives you the strength to do what you feel is the right thing. God, walks with us everyday and everywhere. He will not let us down. I love you my friend and may the Lord's blessings be upon you

Anticipation can be quite scary and cause alot of fear. Try to remember all of the things that you got through that you thought you wouldn't and get strength from knowing all you have done already.
Best,
Judy269

I want to thank everyone for there feedback. I have just recently started getting my life back on track, other than living with my daughter right now (long story) but I feel she needs me there so its okay. My daughters birthday is coming up and that is hard enough and to actually see her things is going to be hard. I haven't seen not even a shirt or anything since so I appreciate your comments it really helps to know that it may not be as hard as I am expecting it to be. I am still scared though.

Im sorry I just read what I wrote and it could be confusing. I have 3 daughters and 1 son. My oldest daughter passed in Feb of 2007. I have a daughter that will be 26 this year and one that will be 21. My son just turned 23. My oldest will be 27 in July. I apologize.

Two years is a reasonable amount of time to let pass before going through your daughter's belongings, so I see your son in law's point. However I would suggest you have a friend there with you other than your son in law, maybe a sister or friend or neighbor who knows your situation and is willing to come over and be with you that day while you are going through her things and then stay on for a while after if you need something. That way if it becomes too much and you have to step outside or into another room in the house, someone is there for you.

I assume your son in law is very young. He may not be as affected after all this time as you are. But then perhaps he will be surprised as well all the emotions that are churned up with completing this task. Having a third person there for both of you to talk to may help.

I pray you will receive peace and my heart aches for the pain you will expereince. God Bless. Deb

My husband passed away in April of this year...and I have already given away many of his clothes. I have gone through most of the paperwork and decided what to keep and what not too. Am I doing something wrong by not waiting? I loved my husband very much and I miss him terribly but I am not sure clothes and personal items have anything to do with it.

It is definitely a very difficult task to go through our loved one things. I had to do it in the same week that my sister passed away, as we lived abroad and her things had to be shipped back to our home country.

It was one of the most difficult moments because you have to decide what to do in such short period of time and this also validates the departure of that person...

I kept some of her things that we bought together and distributed between brothers and sisters and then my parents kept things too.

No need to say that yes, you will feel extremely sad but its an important step that needs to be taken eventually. I dont think its more or less painful sooner or later than now, I think its just something you will need to do.

Looking at each of my sister's item, I had the chance to remember the moment she bought it, wore it and the history behind that. Its tremendously sad but I feel close to her when I wear one of her favourites shirt.

You will pull it through, I am sure, for your daugther and for yourself...

All the best,
love