Bereavement Support Group

people talk about what is effecting their lives at the moment. yes, most things after a loss of a loved seem trival. my daughter had a hard returning to work at the mortgage company, she could not stand tell their trival reasons why their mortgages was behind. i hope that you have one good fried to talk to. if not we are here if you need us.

I remember that after my daughter passed away, the things that I thought were important just an hr before were not. In time I have come to realize that ppl talk about what is affecting their lives at the moment and not thinking ahead. No one means anything by it, it is just the way we are programmed. it is almost 2 yrs and and still a lot of things that seemed important that long ago aren't. I don't know if they will ever be, but for someone who hasn't gone through what we have, they don't understand. So give them some leeway . I also hope that you have atleast one good friend to talk to.

I can certainly relate to your finding other people's comments/conversations trivial. Even though most of the time I really don't give a rip about who's going on vacation, starting a new job, having car problems, I still listen because basically it remind me of what it was like to have a "normal" life. There are times when I want to shake someone and remind them that my life is falling apart here and I've lost everything I had to look forward to. But what good would that do to alienate everyone?

Being so deep in the throes of grief has separated me from people and the world. I miss so much having only the simple, basic cares and pleasures in life. I miss looking forward to the weekend and thinking Vincent would be there for me always.

I do understand what you're saying though. Life's moving along on it's way for everyone else but me it seems, and it does really get me down.

I'm sorry for your loss. What you are feeling is really quite normal. The death of a loved one, changes how we look at everything, and our eyes are open to what really is important and what is not. That becomes different for everyone, but it happens to us all. HUggs, Rainbow

Yes I do believe we all can relate to the fact that what was once important is no longer. I feel the same way.

Death alters us and how we think. Since the death of my son, nothing means anything. I loved my job but even that means nothing. I totally understand how you feel. My good friends don't underatsnd the way I am feeling. Some of themm think I should be over it by now. The things they talk about do not interest me at all. Going on vacation, buying a house, etc. life just doesn't seem worth it. I have found I pretend to be listening to their unimportant talks becauuse it would do no good to explain how I'm feeling. That just don't get it!
Please hang in there.
Susan

I have noticed that i dont even really pretend to care what is happening around me. i try for my daughter who has yet to realize what she lost. It has seperated me from the world it seems. you have something to hold onto in your daughters, they will bring you through this, not that i am saying to lay this all at their feet, but to just cherish them. sometimes it makes me cry to realize my dj will not get to see his daughter grow up or see or hear all the silly things that are said and done, so i try to hang onto those things for the both of us. take care and hang in there.

Thank you for addressing this issue, and thanks to everyone else who replied. While, intellectually, I was certain I could not possibly be the only person to feel this way, it is helpful to see other people corroborate it in writing. There have been many, many times since the deaths of my sister and my best friend that I have wanted to scream at my friends "I DON'T CARE!!!!!" when they are complaining about what they perceive to be their "problems." For those of you who are grieving the loss of significant others/spouses it must sometimes be unbearable to listen to people whine about their "relationship issues." From my perspective, they have the great luxury of having a relationship to complain about, and don't appreciate or even realize their extreme good fortune.

A few months after my loved ones died, I made the mistake of not keeping my mouth shut when a friend was telling me about her boyfriend's problems with his employer. I told her that perhaps if her boyfriend actually had (what I consider to be) real problems (i.e. dead or dying loved ones) he wouldn't have time to complain about his job.

She became very angry at me and advised that I needed to be sensitive to other people's problems. Her boyfriend's problems were VERY IMPORTANT TO HIM!!!

(I suppose that's technically true, but, objectively, his problems were not remotely "important.")(I find myself getting angry just thinking about that incident, so I guess I'm nowhere close to being able to care about other people's non-problems that they seem to find so important and tragic.)

My thoughts are with you all!!!

About a month after my brother died from a car accident,I took my Mother out to lunch one day,hoping it would help us both to get out and do something.As we sat in the restaurant that day,I remember feeling so angry at the other people in the place that were laughing,talking,etc..I wanted to scream at them to stop.I did not know any of these people,but I felt such intense anger and such sadness that while I was sitting there with my heart broken,wondering how to go on with life after losing my brother,these people were happy.During that time,I would feel anger at anyone that I passed that simply had a smile on their face. The night my brother was killed,I had gone to bed early.When I said my bedtime prayers,I asked God to forgive me for being angry with my brother over something that I won't go into here,but let me just say,it was something so silly that I had been upset with him about.The phone rang at 10:45 that night with the news that my brother was dead.He had died about the time I was praying and asking God to forgive me for my silly anger towards him.His death was the first death that I had experienced of anyone close to me. I felt the same way you do about others when they complained about silly things.My priorities had changed.I had lost my big brother and life would never be the same.July 12th,it will be 17 years that my brother died at the age of 34.I have had many deaths and losses since his death and with each loss,I have learned a bit more about what is really important in life.

sorry for your loss. I lost my husband a few months ago too. and I know what you mean about the world after sometime like this happens. People can be so insensitive to a lot of things. I,m not the same person I was thats for sure, I am sad, and I have a different way I seem to view the world now. The way people treat each other, they don't realize what they have, I must say I did appreciate Dave, he was my whole world for 16 yrs, we were soulmates forever. I hope it gets better for you and your daughters, I have 3 sons, and they are having a hard time too. But, I try not to let them know how much pain I am in, thas why Im so greatful I found this site to talk to people who understand how I feel. take care and stay strong,Daisyday