Bereavement Support Group

My hubby passed 4 months ago from what the autopsy report said was "chronic opiate abuse" so I defenetly can relate. Your really early in ur greif. I would just let all emotions come out when they need to. I feel the same way you do still. I wish you strength. I'm here if you need me.

hi , i lost my 27 yr old son ...due to drugs and alcohol, a yr ago , i lived in fear of something bad happening for a long time, it is still pain full a times, seeing and hearing things that remind me...., but then i sense my son telling me ;cmon ma i am ok '....i need someone who is going through the same, i wish you peace of mind keep in touch

My heart goes out to you, losing a child is a very devasting experience. I lost my son to the same Aug 7th, 5 years ago. The cops found him laying in the woods after 3 days. I was in a complete fog for months, and when the fog lifted I went to grief counseling, I couldn't do it on my own. The pain is unbearable at times. I went and stayed with my mom for a few weeks. Try and turn to family and friends for support.I can't tell you when the intense pain will stop because everyone grieves in their own way and time.Add me as a friend and I will be there for you if I can. May you find comfort in knowing you don't have to do this alone. Hugs to you, and so sorry you have to go through this journey.Lori

YES, my wife had MS and took an accidental overdose. I too was in denial, then anger for weeks. We all grieve in different ways. Be good too yourself as you will go through many emotions. Almost one year for me, and it is softer, but never can I forget her, and miss her terribly.

I think my husband died from an accidental overdose, still waiting for the final death certificate, so I can definitly relate to where you're coming from and I'm sorry that you have to go thru this, I can't imagine losing my child, my husband is bad enough. Come to this site often, it helps and keep putting one foot in front of another. talk about him, it too helps. I'm at the 3 month mak and I can tell you there are some days that are easier, than others, for those I'm grateful. take it in your own time, it's still very fresh for you.. Hope things get better Hugs, Beth

I can totally identify with you. My daughter comitted suicide 3 weeks ago. The pain is almost unbearable. I turn to Jesus for my comfort.
It is like someone has torn your heart right out of you. Her second husband comitted suicide one month after they were married. He was alcoholic as was my daughter. She could not handle the pain of his suicide, nor the pain of not having her children, or the pain of her ex husband constantly verbally and mentally abusing her. Alcoholism and drug addictions remove things, and one of them is life. I go to
Alan to help me as well. Take care and look to God. And try to live in the minute if you can. It is hard but you can do it.

http://www.recover-from-grief.com/7...

The final stage model we have included is the "7 stages of grief".

Once again, it is important to interpret the stages loosely, and expect much individual variation. There is no neat progression from one stage to the next. In reality, there is much looping back, or stages can hit at the same time, or occur out of order. So why bother with stage models at all? Because they are a good general guide of what to expect.

For example, generally, a long period of "depression" (not clinical depression), isolation, and loneliness happen late in the grief process, months after the tragedy strikes. It actually is normal and expected for you to be very depressed and sad eight months later.

Outsiders do not understand this, and feel that it should be time for you to "get over it" and rejoin the land of the living. Just knowing that your desire to be alone with your sad reflections at this time is normal will help you deal with outside pressures. You are acting normally. They just don't "get it".


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Here is the grief model called "The 7 Stages of Grief":


7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future. Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again in the experience of living.

I am so sorry. [hugs]

I'm SO sorry for your loss. I lost my 28 y/o son from an overdose of pain meds on May 22, 2009. Somehow, you do learn to move forward, but it takes a lot of time and tears. You just need to give yourself the time to cry and not be ashamed to grieve. When you have loved someone for 27 yrs, it is going to take a lot of tears to help you say goodbye. And what you have to remember is that it is only a temporary goodbye. Also, it is really only a visual goodbye, because your child is only leaving the realm you can SEE, but his spirit will still be close by. Eventually you will learn to hear him or sense/feel his presence and you will learn to relax about the situation. I realize what I'm saying may seem odd to you, but there are many moms here who would tell you I am telling you the truth. Many of us feel we are in communication with our kids all the time. There are several groups on DS that might help you feel that connection when you are ready--FOR MOMS ONLY is a group for moms who have lost a child and many of the moms in the group like to talk about their efforts to communicate with their children via 'signs.' Another group is called "Hello from Heaven."

I don't know if this idea will help you-i just know it is something that helped me when my son Michael passed.

I've read lots of books, gone to counseling and attended grief classes put on by "Griefshare", The Compassionate Friends, and The Bereaved Parents Association. I think everyone probably grieves in their own way-- I don't think there is a one size fits all way to go through the horrendous experience of losing a child.

if you'd ever like to pick my brain--I'd be happy to share.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my fiance who would have been 27 to drug abuse. I spent a lot of time sitting on the floor at first. I went to a counselor until I stopped crying every night when I was alone in bed at night and I went to another counselor around his first birthday since his death. It's been over a year and I'm still recovering but little by little the anger and sadness has dissipated and I can take joy in happy memories. You won't always feel the worst pain so often. Take care of yourself (get as much help as you can) and after a while you'll have more good days than bad.