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Starting to think I'll never recover
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My dad died when I was 10, a LONG time ago. I'm 21 now, it'll be 11 years this September. I know it's been such a long time, but honestly I feel like I will live the rest of my life just being sad. I think about him every day, and I'm just so sad...it's like I really barely knew him. My older siblings and mom talk about all these memories with him I don't have. It's like he died at the age where I was too young to really have strong happy memories of him but I was too old to have no memory at all. Really who remember the first 5,6 years of their life. I just feel shafted, which I know is immature to say, and jealous of my siblings. I don't know how to live my life--every event is missing him. I also feel like i have to grieve for my mom. She got remarried and their relationship isn't as good, I feel like I have to try and make her happy since my dad isn't here to do it for me. It's just like when he died so did their relationship and now I feel like she's suffering too even though she has someone new to fill that void. Me and my stepdad absolutely don't get along, which adds more sadness. When my dad died my grandpa said he'd fill that gap for me, that he'd step in and be a father for me. He died in December 2001, three months after my dad. Since then, all I can think about is what I'm missing out on. I can't really sympathize for my friends when their parents fight, when their dads are mean..I know all of this is disjointed and not really connected, I just don't know how else to say it or what else to say. Thanks for reading.
Posted on 07/02/12, 12:49 am |
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All this is normal. One does not forget, but do not get trapped in the past. Your life lies in front of you, to make a new family, parenting your own children etc, always remembering that dad and grandfather are very close to you. They do keep an eye on you, and will do until such time as you reunite with them. Make memories with those around you - you still have family left, do not neglect them by concentrating on what might have been.(((HUGS))) 
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I very sorry about your Dad. Yeah you were a bit young to have a lot of happy memories. Have you told this to your Mom and sisters? Your story is not disjointed by the way. It makes perfect sense.
I tell almost everyone to get some sort of grief counseling or join a grief support group through a hospice. Or speak with clergy if you are religious. If nothing else read some of the books available or bereavement. Check Amazon and read the reviews. Some are even targeted toward losing parents, or fathers, or mothers, etc. But grief is a painful road or process we all must go through. It sounds like you have not gone through it but are still stuck in it. When you find yourself going through hell, keep going. One thing I can tell you for certain. Your Dad and your Grand Dad loved you very much. They would not want you suffering. They would want you living life, enjoying it, planning for your future; be-it college or kids or career or whatever. Find someone to talk to. If that does not help, find someone else. Life is short. You still have most of your's in front of you. But you'll find it flys by pretty fast too. God bless. Scott
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my name is vader. I asm 64 years old and old enough to be your
grandmother and had to respond to you.It is normal to miss your father.I lost my father at the Age of 40 which was almost 25 years ago and I still miss him and I do cry for him ,but my father was in a lot of pain and he wanted me to have a good life. Your father does not want you to forget,but you have got your whole life ahead of you.Always do remember them as do,but do not neglect the living And remember this...they do keep an eye on you and still always love you.
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