Bereavement Support Group

Its the 15 of june (in australia) and my little girl Victoria is 5 today... it is also Victoria's twin brother Alexander my sweet angel's birthday aswel... 5 years ago today i was the happiest, proudest man on the planet, i was finally getting to meet my babies. Born 5 weeks premature with some minor complications but otherwise a healthy little boy and girl, the best day of my life. We were finally allowed to bring them home 7 days later and i couldn't wait, i loved being being a dad. 11 days later when my twins were 18 days old and i was back at work for my second day, I kissed them both on there foreheads and told them daddy loves you both and i left. 1 and a half hours later and my phone rang, my girlfriend was screaming that Alexander wasn't breathing, i left work and ran to the train station. I was finally able to find out that the ambulance had taken my son and my girlfriend to westmead hospital, it took me nearly 2 and a half hours to get there on the train. When i got there my beautiful baby boy was in emergency with tubes and machines all over him and doctors working crazily around him, i fell to my knees, i couldnt believe what i was seeing... For the next 4 hours we waited, A specialist came to us and said that Alex was stable and they were moving him to another ward but they still weren't sure what was wrong with him. We stood by his side and he was holding onto my girlfriends little finger when the specialist came back and said that our boy has Group B strep, Menengitis. i had no idea what he was talking about i just wanted him to make Alex better. he explained to us that being a twin there could be a chance that Victoria might have it too, he told us we should go home have a shower relax a litttle and bring Victoria back to the hospital when we came back. We said no that we didnt want to leave Alex and that we would get my girlfriends mum to bring her up... he was very very persistant in wanting us to leave and after another hour we kissed Alex and told him we would be back soon... the doctors had told us he was stable. We got in the car and left and had only gotten 500 meters up the road when my phone rang...... I will never ever in my life forget the words that came through the phone that day and they will haunt me for the rest of my days... " hello Josh, Its doctor Barr from Westmead childrens hospital.. I didnt really want to have to tell you this over the phone but Alexander's rapidly dying" we were stopped at traffic lights and I opened the car door and ran. I ran as fast as i could back to that hospital but i wasn't fast enough, by the time i got there my sweet little boy was gone. I was so angry, angry at myself for leaving, angry at the doctors for telling me to leave and angry at the world. I held my son in my arms and could not believe it...How, Why... he was stable????? my world crumbled that day... July 3 2007.i researched ever thing i could to find out what i could about menengitis but Alex hadnt shown any of the syptoms, there was no idication at all, I found out that it is passed onto the baby from the mothers birth canal during labour. I also found out that mothers are usually swab tested late in the pregnancy for menengitis and if positive the babies are given penicillin for 24 hours when born. My partner was 5 weeks early and was booked in to have our twins at a different hospital but because she went into labour early was taken to westmead because it was closer... The doctors there were rushed and didn't have enough room in the surgery so they "forgot" to do the swab test... when i heard this it was a really hard thin to comprehend, a 5 minute swab and my son would be turning 5 today. I still struggle daily trying to deal with losing my boy, I lost control of my life for a while there but am slowly getting it back together, trying to celebrate a happy day for my little girl and dealing with sadness of my boy makes today extremely hard but im trying my best, sometimes i just want to give up but Victoria keeps me strong enough to battle on......... This is the first time in 5 years i have told my story and i don't no why i have but i guess i just really needed to get it out.
Posted on 06/14/12, 11:23 pm