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Discussion:
spouse doesn't understand
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Does anyone else on here have a spouse who hasn't lost a parent and doesn't understand your grief??
Posted on 02/27/12, 09:19 pm
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Reply #1 - 02/28/12  12:35am
" Of course that happens. It is hard to know the depth of the pain unless you experience it yourself. Meanwhile, we are all here for you - remember that. xxxxxxxxxx "
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Reply #2 - 02/29/12  2:43pm
" I have the same issue. He lost his dad several years ago and I would think he would have more empathy towards my loss. The other day I was telling him how sad I am and he asked why are you sad? I didn’t even respond. He still has his mom to call and talk to; he can see her whenever he pleases. I don’t. My heart has been broken into a million pieces and most people seem to have no clue the pain I’m experiencing. Sometimes I don’t even talk about my loss, it seems like no one really understands or cares. "
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Reply #3 - 02/29/12  3:06pm
" i think you have answered your own question because he has not experience this passage in life that you are now journeying through and unfortunately this is one thing in life that we walk alone with until we come out the other side more wiser than when we began. the day will come when your husband will be faced with the same thing as you have faced and i promise you he will reach out to you when he is faced with loss for he knows you will be wiser than himself for having gone before him with your loss.............god bless you "
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Reply #4 - 02/29/12  7:33pm
" I lost my mom only 10 months ago to Hep-C. She was only 64. She and I were very close for many years, and then in 2000 things changed quite a bit once she was diagnosed. We were still close, but it was strained. Either way, I still loved my mother very much and was not quite ready to watch her wither and die at such a young age. She was my mo after all, no matter how old she is/was, no matter how old I am. Loss is loss and no one can measure it, no matter who that person was in your life. Everyone grieves in their own time, in their own way. But grieve they must. Holding it in will only make it worse later on down the line. If your spouse does not understand, then perhaps seek the counsel of someone who will. You have got to be able to get your feelings out in a healthy way.

Here is a link to a book I swear by. http://www.amazon.com/Healing-After... It's a daily meditation type journal written by a woman who lost her own child. I read one page a night that corresponds with the current date in the book, and I tell you it has helped me a lot (and I've bought one for my siblings, and my friends who have also lost a parent or someone they love). Of course you can read it any way you want, but I find that allowing myself that one page per night before I go to bed to be very healing, since the writer of the book too understands what I'm feeling as she too has been there herself. And ironically enough, when I bought the book in July of last year, the first page I opened to was May 11th; the day my mom died that same year. For me it was a sign. Hope it helps you. And if not, if you don't want to buy the book, then at least still have us.

Hugs,
Susie "
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Reply #5 - 03/01/12  11:15pm
" Thanks for all the helpful comments. My wife still has both of her parents so she doesn't understand what true loss means. She also doesn't understand why I get so worried about my mom who is now living alone. I guess I will have to work though this alone. I came from a more openly affectionate family while her family held their feelings in and didn't show emotion. It is hard for me when I want a more caring person to lean on in these tough moments. This has led me to bottle it up and keep the pain to myself.


Thanks again for sharing your stories "
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Reply #6 - 03/02/12  7:05am
" I also think that even if a spouse has lost their parent, if there were differences in the closeness of the families, the difference in the grief process may also be hard to for the spouse understand. If a family is really close, the grief is different than if the family was not as close. Not wrong just different and so when the closer family has a loss the spouse from a family with less closeness may not understand the depth of grief experienced.

I am sorry for your loss. "

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