What is Bereavement
Grief is a multi-faceted response to loss. Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, it also has a physical, cognitive, behavioural, social and philosophic...
Join Now
|
Help with MORE bereavement
|
Watch this |
| View More Posts Ignore |
A few weeks ago I came onto this site (I have been a member for some years now) & was absolutely beside myself with the grief over losing my Mum when having my first baby (who is deaf because of his prematurity), and the loss of my 47 year old brother. Both Mum and John died suddenly with no-one with them at the time of departing from this life. I was also diagnosed with having an over-active thyroid which also added extra depression. I went to the Doctors and managed to sort myself out with tablets for the thyroid and anti-depressants for the grief (As i can no longer stand the pain and am sick of it).
Anyway, i went to the cemetary and I asked my young Mum (60) and my brother to please help me get through this and to give me the strength to carry on. They are near one another at the cemetary. That was on the Saturday. On the Sunday my youngest brother came around to tell me that my other brother had DIED suddenly. He was 53, again no-one with him and we do not know what he has died off. There is to be an inquest. This nearly tipped me over the edge as i had just been made redundant so was at home all day anyway and now THIS. I was extremely close to this brother and had only seen him a couple of days before in good health. So, I had asked mum & John to help me through this very bad time and the next thing Stephen had died!!!!! I am now on strong anti-depressants and at this moment in time could not give a damn if i wake up in the morning. I get up and get my children to school and have to be strong for them, but my heart is breaking and i am too inside. Now it i feel poorly with pain i take another anti-depressant and then another and then another.............. because I CANNOT go through any more grief. You would not believe what a close knit family we were and they seem to be getting taken away. I would probably accept it more if they had had their lives but they have been so YOUNG to go. My brother has been buried a week and I cannot even tell you what i am thinking about it apart from i keep counting the days he has been "under" there. It is driving me crazy. So I am no longer the person i used to be. I was so bubbly and full of life but i now dont care about anything. I dont know how i manage to have a shower in the morning before another day of grief begins. I feel "far away", my heart is constantly beating fast and I have a "weight" constantly on my head. I cant do this anymore. But........ I have children who need me, some more brothers and sisters (who have gone through this aswell) and my Dad who i love very much. I feel my life has "come crashing down before me" and I havent done anything to deserve the way i feel. I want to run away but where to???? I do have a few days a week where i have a glass or two of wine at night but this is not because i like it, it is to release the pain that i am feeling, only thing is the next day i am more depressed!!! So at the moment i dont know what the answer is or what to do. I have lost weight, look very very tired and lost the "Glow" in my face that i used to have. This is all true everyone and life is just so terrible at the moment that i cannot get out of this hole. Thanks for reading. Sherilee xxxxx Posted on 10/21/09, 01:10 pm |
| 2 Replies | Add Your Advice |
| View More Posts Ignore |
I am so very sorry for all this tradgedy that you are enduring. That is so very many loved ones to lose so close together. Please, I hope you can hang in there for yourself as well as your children. I do know what a weight it is to feel in your heart from all that pain and to have physical health problems as well.
There isn't much advice I can offer, because grief is something that only time will heal. I hope the anti-depressants start working for you better than they are. Just keep getting through one day at a time, which sounds like you are trying to do. Try to enjoy the things around you like your beautiful children and enjoy the time with your father. Your family has been through so much. I wish you peace and serenity. 
|
|
|
|
||
| View More Posts Ignore |
Hi Sherilee. You said-"This is all true everyone and life is just so terrible at the moment that i cannot get out of this hole. "This struck me as I read it and it seems that many past experiences I have had I am reliving all over again. Of course I'm talking about grief and death.
I suppose I have experienced my share that can last a lifetime but just when you think that you realize that death is part of living and you cannot escape dealing with it again. I don't mean to sound morose or too somber as I am dealing with a great grief now, but I guess what I am saying is that death can come suddenly at any time and while you think you have seen it before and can deal with it better the next time-well you can't and that's what makes it very hard with each and every death. I am very sorry to hear about your Mother's death and your brother's and just when you thought it was all over you got hit with a sudden and terrible blow, the death of yet another brother. Believe me I am very saddened to hear your pain and what you are going through. I too once thought that I could not "get out of this hole" at a young age. I did get out of that hole though and Time, the great healer of all was my greatest ally. And that is what it's going to take. The wonderful people on this forum can help you in more ways than I can I am sure. I tend to be a loner these days in dealing with my grief so don't feel bad about that. It's a natural thing. In fact, as I am posting this I got a question from someone on the forum here asking why the long or sad face which was a reference to my “moniker“ I believe. It's only because I think of the famous clown Emmett Kelly now and his story where he laughed on the outside but cried on the inside. It's just about how I feel now-and Kelly when he really got sad would not have a happy face on the outside either. It's ok to express these feelings whether on a moniker or in writing. That's just the way I feel now but it doesn't prevent me from posting to try and help others. Perhaps this is the way I am dealing with my own grief now. Maybe later I will open up more to people one-on one. You may be feeling the same way-maybe many are. All I know so that everyone will have to find their own way to get out of that hole you mentioned at the end, and with the help of others extending a lifeline it can be easier. You have a lot to live for and please don't forget that. Just one last thing-it's ok to have a few glasses of wine every night if that helps you, but please be careful in mixing that with the drugs the doctor prescribed you. The last thing your young kids need is to lose their dear Mother now. Please try and remember that. Enjoy the rest of you day the vest you can and God bless.
|
|
|
|
||
| Add Your Advice |
