Bereavement Support Group

I would love to pour myself into my family But my girls are off grieving on their own i never see them or their kids. I am sure to check on them and my daughter-in-law daily I tell them how much I love them every day I know they are hurting tremendously because they lost their baby brother. I am trying to give them the space they need to greive on their own.

Grief is like a roller coaster, up and down, total confusion with no way out of a dark tunnel.

go to my website: http://www.drdavidwatkins.org

Love,

Dr. David

I have no advice other than a reply. Nice post drdavid. I'm glad you are helping others. I find it very interesting that many people's stock reply when one is talking about the grief of having lost their loved one, and when they are going through the recent stages-say not even 2 months (as in my case) or even longer, and especially if they died in a traumatic way and unexpectedly at a hospital or somewhere else, will say-"you are obsessing" when they hear you go through the normal "what ifs" and so forth.

If that is true, then everyone is "obsessing" on this forum, and of course that is no so. As for your discussion about can grief kill people, of course it can. Your own case with your Father is an example of course, but there are many others younger that have a change of lifestyle from bad eating to insomnia and so forth after the death of a loved one.. As for some sort of psychological help, I believe that is a personal choice, just as it is if a person wishes to continue living or not (not necessarily talking suicide but the zest for life itself and not living it as he or she used to).

Some people in this world have just seen to much death and have said, been there, done that-And, I don't feel like going through the long grieving process again. Hopefully these people will find some kind of closure with time. Time as I have posted on this forum before is a great ally. But again, I wan to make clear that it is a personal choice of a person that is grieving in their own way, and doing it the Frank Sinatra Way (which is "My Way"), and if they want to grieve that way, then so be it.

If the person is sane and rationale and makes certain choices on how they wish to continue living their lives then he or she should not be judged or castigated for that choice they make (not suggesting you or anyone else did anything of the sort by the way). As far as the business about leaving behind others if one say withdraws from their old activities and perhaps might die, while it sounds like a good technique to use as a motivator to keep going (I am talking about those that are in very serious psychological stress),I do not believe it is necessarily a good approach to people who don't like to hear lectures and choose to go about grieving their own way.

In short, people should be respected by others and their families and given their "space" and be allowed to grieve as long as they feel like doing, and in the manner in which they want to do it. if it gets too bad they will usually seek some sort of psychological help or advice one way or another anyway. Just my thoughts on the subject-no more, no less.

I would add to my post of yesterday morning that everyone should at least try to watch out for their health during the grieving process. It is each person's choice to do so and I stand by what I wrote earlier, but there comes a point where one might not even be aware of how bad the grief has actually affected them. So, I humby suggest, without being intrusive, that everyone stay current and on top of their physical health condition and perhaps more than usual. :-)

When I was 18 I lost my father to an adverse reaction to cocaine. that was almost 8 years ago. The first month after it happened is still a complete blurr. But I was blessed to have a fiance at the time who was there for me and helped to keep me going. A little over a year ago he committed suicide. I was 3 months pregnant at the time. That child inside me was the only thing that kept me going. Now she is 10 months old. And I love her, but there are still so many nights that I think to myself "I wouldnt mind not waking up" but i do. and I see her smiling at me and I realize not just because of her, but I know there are so many reasons to live on. But you have to look for them. Because I think they are hidden by the darkness of loss. I thought for sure I would have just died from heart ache by now, but I havent. And that also makes me think he doesnt need me with him, Not yet anyway. He is not lonely. And although I feel so alone sometime, I am not. There is a world moving all around us. It is an experience we should not waste while we have the opportunity. We will have plenty of time to experience what waits for us on the otherside. I dont think your loved one wants you to die from grief no more than mine does. Remember the other things in life, they still exist on this plane.

Very good and positive post. I believe you are well on your way of licking this faster than you realize. Of course you will have your good and bad days but that is part of the agony of grieving. It sounds like you realize the gift you have in your 10 month old baby, and do not wish to leave your baby Motherless.

You also realize as I read your post that there is an entire world out there for you and your child to see together in the future. The world is awaiting you and you have already been to hell and back. You have nothing to fear as you have been through the worst already. Your attitude is very positive.

I can't even contemplate what my life would have been like without my dear Mother. We shared a lot of great times together. Now she is gone. Never let your child grow up missing that! I've had my day-yours is just beginning.-and with your beautiful baby beside you!! :-)

Hello firefly1960.Let me begin by saying I have no idea how you feel because I haven't lost a child.Nor can I imagine what you're going through.I just lost my Mom on May 19'th 2009 after she was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer.We only had 13 days with her after her diagnosis it was horrible!!I wanted to tell you that my oldest brother died in a car accident on July 26,1997.My Mom was devistated and she was never the same.I saw the pain that she went through and could never imagine losing one of my 2 kid's.My Uncle my Moms brother also lost his only son in April of 1994 due to a car accident.I think she got a lot of support from him.My step mother also lost her only son in December of 1987.I don't know why things happen but I do have a lot of faith and know that my Mom and brother are together now.I never had such an emptiness in my heart after losing Mom.The holidays are going to be so hard because Mom loved Christmas.But she would want all of us to go on and celebrate.I remember asking her when she was lying in her hospital bed Mom how did you go on after losing Jeremy and she said Jennifer you have too life goes on and we'll be together again.So every morning I wake up and I know that she is with me and Jeremy too.Your pain is so raw right now and you will never get over it and life will never be same but my Mom learned how to deal with it she truly was amazing.Let yourself feel all of the emotions and surround yourself with loved ones and friends.My heart goes out to you and remember you have a gaurdian angel now watching over you.
God Bless,Jennifer.

I really have asked his question myself as well.I thought when my first son died, that the pain alone would kill me, and many times I wished it would. That was April 2, 2003. Paul was 29. Then Dec 10, 2007, my 38 yr old son, Steven took his own life. I was more devestated than words can ever express, but I did not die. I wished I could at least sleep so I could not hurt for a while, but I could not sleep or eat. I did not rest. # days after Steven's memorial service. my step daughter, Karla (she was 34) also took her own life. I am a mother with no children, and I have not died, but I sure hurt and thought I might. I thought it would be a relief. God did not choose to let me die. I am living and I am building myself a new sort of a life. I am not the same person, and I do not have near the same life I had before. I have a husband of 21 years, that i love and that loves me more than I can ever tell you. I have the precious grandchildren that my kids left behind for me. These kids have given me, hope light and love in a world of dark, and painful confusiion. I did not die from grief. That is all I can say. I do not know that someone else might die from grief, but I did not. I believe that it id up to God, not us.
My prayers are with you,Love,Peggy