Bereavement Support Group

my name is vader.I am 64 years of age.3 years ago my boyfriend of 12 years committed suicide and everyone who I thought who support me deserted me.It wasnt bad at first.Brad left me a little money to take care of the house and bills.We were not married.We were together for 12 years and i grew to love him.People who desert people (to me) are very,very selfish and dont want to get involved in other peoples problems except their own.If I didnt have my older brother and the support of my sister in law I dont know where I would be.But all of Brads friends deserted me and I think it is because that they are overwhelmed by the reality of the situation and dont know how to communicate well.A lot of men here in seattle do not talk well.They talk mostly about sports and economics.They are real stupid.No nothing what to say is a sign of total ignorance.Not saying anything is a sign that they to are overwhelmed like I said and do not want to be bothered at this time.But they will come around and believe me when they do you will be happy that they did.vader.

My mom died almost 2 months ago from complication of COPD also. She was 77 years old. I have two brothers who both have substance-abuse issues and continue to fight with one another. I believe they are drowning their grief in booze and it's coming out in much anger. My stepdad is 92 and one brother lives with him while the other lives across the street from them. It is so sad to watch and I have tried to reach out to them, but when I do - I get "roped" into their insanity and I just can't live like that. Luckily, I have a sister who I am very close to and I am leaning on her and we are strengthening our bond. My therapist tells me that the family dynamics usually change once the mother passes, and I am just going to try and accept it and set my boundaries and pray for them. One of my brothers had a liver transplant and went back to using and abusing alcohol and the other brother is HIV positive. Last week they got into a fight and one brother threw the other brother through my dad's sliding glass door. Luckily he just needed stitches. But that lifestyle is crazy and I don't want a part of that. I am so glad mom was not alive to see that take place. Sorry, I'm probably not helping much. I guess the only advise I could give you, is to allow them to go their own way. And in the meantime reach out for help from others here at DS or in your community. Good luck and God Bless! Melissa

Vader thank you for the advice and I am sorry for the loss of your boyfriend. I mourn for my Mother still and just figured my brothers would pull together with me and we could find strength in each other at this time. Thanks again and my prayers are with you . Rosamae

Thank you Melissa for your kind words and the good advice. I am realizing now how the dynamics of the family changes once the mother passes away. Thanks for the reply. God bless you.
Rosamae