Bedwetting Support Group

Hi Jake

You still have a while to go, but when you register for a dorm, make sure you inform them of the problem if you still have it. You may be able to get hooked up with someone who has similar problems.

Thanks Dannow,

I am super embarressed about telling anyone. My Mum wants to tell the college about it; "You cant hide it" and "they will be supportive and muture and sensitive"...etc...etc...but I have had experience at school of what happens if people find out that I still wet the bed at this age and it was very bad news. We have had major rows and I have basically told her that if she tells them I wont go.

Its just over 6 weeks to go and I am getting sick with it because I am still wet every night. I cant think of enough ways that I will be able to hide it for sure so I am now thinking I may have to just refuse to go which will cause MAJOR wars at home and life will be hell but I feel stuck. Life sucks with a vengance.

BTW. Sorry, I am actually 16 (I am being honest after I got slated somewhere else for saying I am 15). So it seems I am old enough to get married and have a job and I still wet the bed!

Anyway, thanks Dannow for helping. Yours is a good idea, but it means telling people and supposing they told people secretly or fell out with me and told everyone it would be back to square one. And I couldnt be sure that they hadnt told people so I would be paranoid.

Take Care,

Jake

Jake,
College and university residence managers have long experience with student bedwetters. You can ask to be assigned with another student bedwetter, and they will make other arrangements for your situation. Not telling them risks mattress damage and other potentially expensive problems.

Thanks Paxton,
 
I appreciate your advice. If I could end up with someone else with the same problem as me I would feel a whole lot better about it. Someone else here (I wont say who for their privacy) told me about their experince of just that and it obviously helped them a whole lot. I just hate having to tell anyone though. I dont want anyone to be able to look at me and know that I wet the bed. If I told the nurse she might tell other people and supposing there was nobody else with this problem for me to share with.
 
But I am stuck. I have to either tell them at college (like the doctors) or not go. And then there will be major crap at home. I just hate having to do this. It makes me feel kinda sick and as if I dont want to look at people who know because I feel ashamed. But I think I have to go ahead and try to get the college accomodation person not to tell anyone else and then it will be a mission to stop anyone else finding out.

So anyway thanks for your advice.

Regards

Jake

Jake,
I understand your embarrassment. However, in order to deal successfully with your bedwetting, you need to get over it. Believe me, there are millions of folks like us. As enuresis slowly comes out of the closet, that fact will become clearer and clearer. You have a choice: either wear reliable protection, or use a waterproof mattress protector, or risk odor and the expense of replacing a mattress. Telling the campus nurse and residence managers is simply being a responsible adult, dealing honestly with your problem. The embarrassment is all too real; however, if you allow it to impede the effective handling of your bedwetting, you will be the loser. Good luck.

Thanks to everyon for their advice. I have written a 'Guide' based on some of the advice I received and to focus my thoughts, so here it is;

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THE GUIDE
(to hiding bedwetting for teenagers sharing a room away from home)
V1.0

by Jake007
with special thanks to Adam77
------------------------------------------

This guide has been written using a bunch of ideas and tips from various people to help me hide a horrendous bedwetting problem when I start College soon (in the UK) where I will have to share a bedroom with others. It is not meant to be instead of other good advice especially medical advice. Many people will tell you that the best option when staying away from home (School trip, Camp, College etc.) is to tell staff at the venue. This may well be a good idea for some people and you may even end up sharing with other people with the same problem you do that. But if you are like me and have had some very bad experiences when kids know that you wet the bed and therefore really hate anyone knowing, then this guide is for you. If you can help improve the guide with more tips and ideas please contact me. - Jake007

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Preparations
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You are going to need some stuff to help. I will explain what everything is for later, but for now the suggested list is;

(1) Fully airtight box or bag (big enough to hold a weeks laundry).
(2) Several sets of identical bed sheets and duvet covers (at least a weeks supply, so 7 if you wet every night).
(3) Two Plastic waterproof sheets.
(4) A supply of Goodnites(US) or Drynites(UK).
(5) Gym bag plus a smaller bag/backpack for wash kit and to hide Goodnites/Drynites when changing.
(6) Jogging pants or shorts (baggy - to sleep in and hide the Goodnites/Drynites).
(7) 'Urine-Off' Odour & Stain Remover Professional Strength Spray (get from amazon or pet stores).
(8) Good quality detergent for washing.
(9) Black (non-transparent) bin liners (preferably small).
(10) A thick towelling dressing gown.
(11) Waterproof duvet & pillow covers (optional - depending on how badly you wet).


At the College
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The Bed:
Waterproof sheets are essential. If you wet the bed and pee gets into the mattress it will smell really bad, you will get caught and have to pay for a mattress - massive embarrassment. I also use waterproof duvet and pillow covers which do make the bed a bit hot and sweaty, but I have ruined so many duvets its not really a choice any more. A good excuse is to say that you have allergies, specifically to the 'house dust mite' which lives in bedding and that is why you have to use waterproof sheets/covers. It is still a good idea not to let it be seen too often so as not to raise suspicion. I also discourage people from sitting on my bed by leaving stuff on it (books, bags etc) so they will not hear the noise of the plastic sheets and covers if they sit on the bed. A really good idea is to double make the bed; plastic sheet followed by bed sheet followed by another plastic sheet and another bed sheet. This way you can quickly remove a wet sheet and have a fresh bed ready instantly if you are in a rush or need to do a quick change when your room mate has gone to the bathroom. If you get the chance to choose your bed by getting to the room first, pick a bed at the end of the room because you will be more hidden if you need to change wet clothes.

Protection:
The decision to use 'protection' (Goodnites/Drynites/Nappies/Diapers) is a difficult one. I hate the idea of still wearing a diaper at 16, but they do soak up a lot of the pee which really helps. Do not use reusable cloth diapers and plastic pants because of the risk of your laundry being discovered. Of course the major problem is still ensuring that disposables must NEVER be seen. I have been laughed at before when using the Drynites disguised absorbent sleep shorts because some people know what they are. The best option for me has been to use Drynites underpants (pull-ups) hidden under some baggy shorts. Drynites max size is supposed to be age 15 but they will fit ok beyond this if you are quite thin. If you are too big for Drynites you will have to get adult diapers, but try to get ones which dont have a plastic outer layer because they can be very noisy. Obviously buying your protection is a bit of a mission in itself. Going shopping with a younger sibling can divert any suspicion that you are the bed wetter, but does not work if you try to buy Boys Drynites with your sister (or the assistant might 'helpfully' swap them over for the nice pink girls version - thanks!:S) Travel far enough away from the College not to be recognised when shopping and hide your protection under stuff in your gym bag when returning. Please be aware that using protection will not guarantee that you will not get pee on the bed. I sleep on my front and side a lot and usually manage to soak the sheets even when using Drynites. You can use baggy nylon sleep shorts or some other noisy fabric to mask the slight crinkling sound that Drynites make if you are worried about this. People just aren't on the lookout for a college (or similar) age student to be wetting the bed or using products like that -- and this will work to your advantage.

Daily Routine:
Change into your baggy sleep shorts and take your wash bag (with a clean Drynites hidden in it) to the bathroom to brush teeth etc. While there go to the toilet, lock the door and change into your Drynite. Return to your room and go to bed. I have also perfected the technique of getting into Drynites under the duvet cover which is helped if you have Music or TV on to hide the noise and works only if nobody is paying any attention to your acrobatics.

If/when you wet the bed you have the problem of changing yourself and the bed without anyone seeing that you are wet. Usually fresh pee will not start to smell for a while giving you time to stay under the covers and wait for your room mates to leave for class, breakfast, or the bathroom (if you're quick!) to get out of bed and do your clean up. However some people (like me) are known to wet the bed soon after falling asleep and in this case you must be very, very careful about the smell. My bedroom smells obviously of pee really badly now and I cannot get rid of the smell. Keep some 'Urine-off' spray nearby at all times and be VERY disciplined about always using lots of it. You can change the label on the 'Urine-off' bottle to something less obvious like an air freshener. Stay calm and pretend to be asleep until your room mates leave. If they do not go you have several options;

(Option 1 - preferred) Keep your thick towelling dressing gown near the bed AT ALL TIMES. You can casually get into this from the bed without anyone seeing that you are wet if you are skilled at it. Make sure pee is not running down your legs and go to the bathroom with your wash kit. Put the wet Drynite in the wash kit (sealed in a bin liner bag). Have a shower. You may have to take off your shorts/shirt in the toilet and roll them up so nobody can see that they are wet before returning to the room.
(Option 2) Wait it out and be prepared for the long haul (you may have to pee in the bed again while awake though...ugh!).
(Option 3) Try to change your clothes under the duvet by sitting up in bed with your back to the room and the duvet over your shoulders so nobody can see you, without sitting on the wet patch (not easy).
(Option 4) In an absolute emergency, keep a full glass of water near your bed AT ALL TIMES. You can sit up and pretend to drop the glass of water onto yourself to explain why you are wet. This is a last resort option and can not be used regularly or you will cause suspicion.

Put wet sheets and clothes into the airtight box/bag IMMEDIATELY you are alone and get the chance, but try to be quick and not get seen changing the bed too often (which is why you should use lots of identical bedding). Add some squirts of Urine-off to the wet laundry and whole bed area. Wipe down the plastic sheet. Using the 'double-made' bed option above will really help speed the bed changing up. In the toilet, put wet Drynites into a non-transparent bin liner and seal with a twist ready for disposal into the rubbish/garbage as soon as practical (use your wash bag to transport). VERY IMPORTANT: Remember to prepare again for the following night by putting a clean Drynite and bin liner back into your wash bag.

Take your airtight laundry box/bag to the laundry room as often as possible but be prepared to make trips at very odd hours and when nobody else is likely to be around. You can use the excuse that you dont like queuing for wash machines and dryers etc. if asked why you do this. It is also important not to be seen too often doing lots of extra bedding washing, but if asked use the allergy excuse again.

Final thoughts (by and with thanks to Adam77):
I think surviving college with bedwetting really comes down to determination, creativity, and resourcefulness more than anything else. No matter how well-laid your plans, they will run into snags at times and your ability to improvise will be critical to your success. I remember a few different times when I was very sure that something had gone wrong, my plan had been compromised, and my secret was sure to be out -- but I just kept calm, did whatever came to my mind at the time, and surprised myself by coming out of it OK. If you keep your wits about you and keep your mind open to revising your plans at a split second's notice... you will be surprised what you can get away with. Remember that people do not routinely look for college students to wet the bed -- and what seems very conspicuous to you probably is not as much so to others who have no clue as to the nature of this problem. Also remember that your plan (or you) are not necessarily a "failure" if the worst happens and someone does find out. Sure you don't want that, and you will be working hard to avoid it -- but remember, if it does happen, people are not all bad. If it does happen, the best you can do is remain calm and confident (or pretend to be calm and confident even if your heart won't stop racing inside!), act natural and like nothing is wrong with you -- because really, in the grand scheme of things, nothing IS wrong with you. I think you'll find that most people will not find it to be NEARLY as big a deal as you do (this has been uniformly my experience with people who did not wet the bed themselves -- I'm talking adults here, not the idiots who teased us in grade school), and very many of them will actually surprise you and be understanding and sympathetic. You may even surprise yourself and make a new close friend as a result.

Hi Jake. My name is Liam. I'm 16 with the same problem. My bed wetting was not caused by a small bladder but by night terrors. You see my grandfather molested me for a few years. He would always do this at night. I was terrorized. I did everything to stop it, including wetting myself in his presence. He stopped then.

Recently, at ballet camp, I had more episodes of night terrors followed by wetting the bed. Basically it scared the piss right out of me. I'm still going to counseling for the sexual abuse. Have you?
I noticed that you mention sexual abuse in your support groups. Have you sought out help? When I did, admitted what happened and realized it wasn't my fault the bed wetting slowed down. It hasn't stopped. Grandfather still terrorizes me at night.

I will go to college early too. It is a fear of mine. I don't sleepover many people homes. The ones I do sleepover already know about my Grandfather, what he did to me, and my night terrors. They are very accepting. Perhaps the best advice I could give to you is to talk to your roommate, confide in him about your problem, why you think it happens, and that you will do everything to prevent it.

I would be willing to bet that it happens to you because of the sexual abuse and this is the outlet your brain is using to prevent you from more trauma.

Either way. You have a friend in me.

Liam

Hey Liam,

We have spoken and you know I value your advice a whole lot mate.

Take care,

Jake

hi jake

im 11 and i wet the bed to and my advice for a sleepover is to bring a scented bag and pyjamas and get changed and bring some sort of diaper/nappy for your size and put it on privatly and when you wake up have the bag with you incase someone else is awake and put it in under a sleeping bag or somewhere where noone can see.

if you want to tell your friend tell them and if their a real freind they will keep it secret and stand by you

Hi Adam,
That is good advice, thanks. I need to add sleeping bag liners to the guide I wrote.
Take care,
Jake