Autism is classified as a neurodevelopmental disorder which manifests itself in markedly abnormal social interaction, communication ability, patterns of interests, and patterns of ...
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Am I crazy?
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I lone for your feel, but I do not want to be touched.
I thought I knew what I wanted but now. I do not know where I am or how I have gotten here. I miss some thing I have never had. I miss past, at one time unknown chances. I want something one day then hate the idea. Am I crazy? Am I stupid? Am I meant to be alone? Am I needed past my work skills? Who Am I? Why Must I be? Why must I be alone? Why must I still be here? Why mustn’t I end it all now? Why do I love you? I do not want to be alone; I do not want to be among others. How will this ever work? I can’t accept your “facts” as fact. I look at number one and see two. You look at my two and see three. Will there ever be a happy beginning? Or a miserable ending? Doctors call me names and give me pills. I don’t want doctors or pills so I piss on them. Is nothing happening? I do not see top of this mountain any more, the bottom seems much easier to access. Why not access this bottom. If I where to get to the top would it still be a lone journey? I do not want any part in a lonely journey, now I just want it all to end! Instead I make up a fake journey in my mind only to escape a short escape. I am a hero in my mind. I make the evil go away, I make the war end. I imprison the “evil doers”. But then I look at my self in the mirror. Am I the evil one? I imprison those who I deem evil. Am I right to rid the world of war? NO! I am the hero! Once the short escape has gone I am even more depressed as I already was. I only wish to be like the rest. I want to be the person that I dream of. When I meet people I tell them of this dream person rather then my self. I do not understand why I do it. Maybe I should end the dreams and every thing now. I do not know what to do any more. I hate what I have become. I hate my job, my city and I hate myself the most! What should I do? Posted on 06/30/09, 03:06 am |
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did you write this? it almost brought tears to my eyes..... 
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Jon. Don't be like this again please. You are a really awesome guy. I really liked chatting with you and making feel better. Please don't get like this again. Remember there are people who do care about you. I do. And think about what you are good at, you know there has to be at least one thing. Take that thing and run with it, let your dreams fly. Fly. What ever happened to your dream of becoming a piolet? That can still happen if you work at it! So do! You would be an amazing piolet! Just keep your chin up and smile, your are a very cool and unique person!
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