What is Asperger Syndrome
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is chara...
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Speaking Out when faced with Rudeness
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RANT:
The other day my wife and three young boys were at a local Wal-Greens, browsing the aisles, awaiting a prescription being filled. While we were there, a group of about eight kids, either high school seniors or young college students, came in, quite loud and boisterous, looking for a Frisbie. For a moment, my first impression was that they were being obnoxious, but excused it as typical behavior of young adults in a group. I'm sure I and my friends were often like that ourselves from time to time. It had been very quite in the store until they arrived, and the sudden burst of noise and rambunctiousness was startling. The propensity of a couple of them to NOT watch their mouths didn't help my perception at first either, though they did tone their language down as soon as they noticed my kids (who are 10, 11, and 12). Loud they were, yes, and a little obnoxious, but not so much that I couldn't just shrug it off, so that's exactly what I did. All fine, and not problem. My wife and I had stopped in the middle of the main aisle of the store, and were having a discussion. There was a cart behind me, and she was standing with here back against one of the shelving units. There was about a foot of room between us, and no room to get around us if one wanted to walk right up that particular aisle. if we didn't move, that is. The entire group of them were standing at least three aisles away, when one of them announced, "Let's leave!" and, instead of going up one of at least four other empty aisles (there were all of about six people in the store other than them) leading to the front door, the one announcing their departure looked around, then directly at my wife and I, and headed straight for us. Keep in mind, I was catching all this out of the corner of my eye while having a conversation with my wife. This JERK, headed directly between us at a very fast clip, mumbling "excuse me" AFTER he had already interrupted us. To make matters worse, ALL SEVEN of the rest of them followed suit. I never heard any of them apologize OR excuse themselves. While they are doing this, I make a very obvious step backward, looking directly at my wife, and said (not under my breath), "What the hell?" After they passed, I turned to them, and as loudly as I could, without shouting, asked, "Who the HELL taught you your manners?!" Two of them, at the tail end, turned to ask, "Are you talking to me?" I said (as loudly as before), "I'm taking to every one of you!" One said (in an extremely snotty tone), "I SAID excuse me!" Then, the idiot that had initially made the deliberate choice to walk between us, came back and accused ME of being at fault for blocking the aisle, when he had several choices of paths to take to leave the store without practically bowling my wife and I over. By now, I was PISSED! Now, I was shouting. "YOU HAD FOUR OTHER WAYS YOU COULD HAVE CHOSEN TO LEAVE THIS STORE, AND YOU CHOSE TO WALK RIGHT BETWEEN TWO DECENT PEOPLE TRYING TO HAVE A CIVIL CONVERSATION. WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Before you second guess whether i was overreacting, know that it takes a lot to piss off my wife. A lot more than it does me. I asked her afterward if she thought there were any chance that I had misjudged or overreacted. Even her response was "No! They were ALL being blatant JERKS!" Did it do any good to speak up in this case? I doubt it, but is the fact that speaking up might not do any good reason enough not too? I don't think so. I think the very reason that behavior like that is so rampant today, is directly attributable to the fact that NO ONE SPEAKS UP when people are RUDE! The fact that not enough of us DO speak up is, in my opinion, the very reason that people like that keep getting away with the crap they do. If you don't think rudeness is on the rise, you must be fairly young in comparison to me. Those who do NOT speak up to it are leaving themselves open to be doormats for people like that. Will speaking up to it stop it? Again, I doubt it. Those idiots treated me and my wife like doormats. Not only that, my kids saw it happen. While those particular jerks did it, and did get away with it, they did NOT get away totally without consequence. I can at least guarantee one thing. Not a one of them will forget for a long time, who I am. If they see me again, they will know that I do NOT stand quietly while people sh*t on me and/or my family. I'm not a fighter. I've never been in a fight. But I'm not a mouse either to be stepped on at will. Too many people put up with this crap these days, and that is exactly why people not only continue to be rude, but are getting even ruder. Not only do I speak up when it's done to me and mine, but to anyone, even if I don't know them. More of us need to. It may be "Politically incorrect, " but I just don't care anything about PC anymore. PC is partly responsible for this crap as far as I am concerned. Punks like that were probably never taken over anyone's knees. Oh, but it's okay, because they all obviously have a great deal of self esteem. Please! May I go puke now? End of rant. P.S. Keep in mind, this is just a rant. P.P.S. But I dearly do, sometimes, have the desire to thrash idiots like them. Posted on 11/01/09, 06:11 pm |
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It must be something about being a New England aspie... I've been mentioning my dad; he is from the Boston area. And I know you say you didn't grow up there but....wow, an amazing coinsidence! 
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No I didn't, but I learned to recognize over time that every locality has some sort of "etiquette." Even Boston.
As crazy as the traffic is there, as apparently rude as drivers might seem, there are certain things that are kind of expected of all drivers, like pushing one's way into traffic. Being aggressive behind the wheel is considered more of a necessity there. But act that way in a grocery store, and you can be sure to be seen as rude. "Excuse me," and "I'm sorry," are common there. Where I am, in a much smaller town, one is practically expected to just sit and wait in the aisle until people move. Saying "excuse me" here is akin to saying "get the hell out of my way!" Of course, it depends on how it's said, and whether or not it's just being used as an announcement of "permission" to barge in front of people. So many nuances. I suppose if those kids were actually from New York, what they did might have been expected there. It is possible, I suppose, that the only reason they may not have looked for another way to exit the store, might be because it never occurred to them there would be another way by which they would not have to walk between others if that's what they're accustom to. I think a lot of people, especially Americans, need to learn that just because they are still in the U.S. does not mean that etiquette you learned at home applies everywhere in the U.S. This is a huge country, with many different cultures, not just from different continents, but from many differing European cultures. Europeans might consider Europeans not from their own home town or city rude, but they at least seem to understand the old adage, "When in Rome..." Here, it seems way too many seem to think that as long as you are still in America, you are still in "Rome," and all the same customs and nuances apply. It simply isn't the case.
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This dialog has been helpful to me and I've been thinking about the general idea behind it all. I've seen you you use the phrase "need to learn"... that people need to learn or that hopefully those young kids would learn... And it makes me wonder what I might need to learn!
Individual families and cultures are each different. I think there could be a lot learn as people connect with each other. You may be right that it never occurred to them there would be another way to exit the store.
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I don't think it did occur to them, and my reaction probably didn't help them learn anything at all.
I have to admit I did it more for myself than them, but also for my kids. I sure don't want them to learn from my example that they should be doormats for rude people. One of the things I have always tried to instill in them is that if others are offended by what they do, they should apologize and appease. It doesn't matter if we mean to be rude. What matters is whether other's feelings are offended. The same is true looked at from reverse perspective. If we are offended by other people's behavior, how are they supposed to know if nobody tells them? Even if they don't care, at least we can learn to speak up when we are offended. In my world, ignoring offense too much eventually results in lowered self esteem. I don't want my kids starting fights, but I don't want them growing up to be mousy little doormats either.
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Sentient,
I believe you did the right thing. I believe ignoring "bad" behavior is just another way of condoning it. More than likely everyone in that store would have been just as angry about the situation . . . it is difficult to say how many others might have responded as you did . . . too many times people do not speak up or step in and try to stop a situation or at least bring attention to it. Culpable negligence has become rampant in our society. People do not get involved; they pretend not to see anything; heck, they won't even call 911 when they see someone being beaten to death on the street corner. I know you and others will probably say that the situation in the store was not that serious, but ignoring situations like that . . . just standing by and doing nothing is the beginning of culpable negligence. If you had witnessed the same thing happening to an elderly couple, would you have ignored it? If they had barreled through your children shoving them out of the way, would you have ignored that? You did the right thing. No, it may not change the behavior of these teenagers, but you got their attention. You had a right to be angry. You had a right to call them on their behavior. There is no justification for deliberately rude behavior no matter where you were born or where you live. I taught English for 14 years, and I wouldn't have hesitated a second. I would have followed them down the aisle reaming them out with my "teacher " voice. Yes, I am a Southerner~~born and raised in the Carolinas. The last time I checked we hadn't succumbed to the Yankee transplants and their barbaric ways. Nevertheless, when the Snowbirds start taking up permanent residence, we have to shame them into civility. If that doesn't work we have a Good Ole Boy rally and organize the Redneck Rangers and the Bubba "Git R Done" Brigade for another session of the Southern Culture and Manners Boot Camp. The Southern Cuisine usually breaks their spirits~~collard greens, fat back, cornbread, fried catfish, cheese grits, boiled peanuts, buttermilk biscuits and sausage gravy, sage dressing~~we don't stuff our turkeys,~~ fried okra, fried squash, banana puddin' and peach cobbler . . . just to name a few mouth watering staples. I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving! T.
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Reminds me of Kanye West incident on VMAs! Yes, rudeness is a pandemic that needs a vaccine.
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hey, dthcab, havent seen you here in a while!!!! :D
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