Asperger Syndrome Support Group

"Now, does anyone think that it is possible for one "personality" to be the ADHD and the other Asperger's or is it impossible to inter-change syndroms/disorders."

Yes, absolutely! All three of my kids have AS, with some mixtures of ADHD, and all three of them "switch" from one mode to another as you describe, but each in different ways.

I'm not saying they switch from AS to ADHD though.

My second son sounds exactly like yours as far as how you described the "modes." Silly attention grabber, scared irritable and ultra sensitive, or apparently very normal and well adjusted.

I don't look at it as switching from an AS to an ADHD, and a "normal" mode though. These are simply three different modes of his overall personality. We've had since he was a year old to study AS and ADHD, and have taken stock of when he tends to go from one mode to another. We've been able to identify "triggers."

Two things used to trigger the second mode (scared, angry, and over sensitive). One trigger was unexpected events. Suddenly telling him we have to go shopping "right now," with no advanced warning would set him off. The second trigger is when he suddenly wants to do something that requires a great deal of preparation and we don't have the time to do it, "right now."

The first he has gotten much better at, probably because we have gotten much better at mentally preparing him for upcoming events. The second is still a major problem.

"I know this sounds like a stupid and ignorant question, but I would really like to know if there are other people, especially children out there like this and what you do to help them when they are the second??"

No! Not a stupid question at all! Very common in fact.

I've already answered the first part. Yes, we do have a child like this. Three of them in fact, but each in slightly different ways.

What do we do? Now, this is going to be a though pill to swallow, I'm sure. I'm sure, because it was tough for us to swallow, but it is the ONLY thing that we have found that works.

The answer?

Nothing!

We don't "do" anything.

The hardest lesson we have had to learn is that when our kids get in "that mode, " NOTHING we do helps.

When they are in that mode, they DON'T WANT our help. If they don't want it, any interference or attempts to help them "understand" the situation, only results in them digging themselves into the mode even deeper.

What we DO do, is offer simple choices.

"You are stuck. The best thing for all of us, and you, is for you to go to your room, and don't come out until you are ready to make a choice that's different from the choices you are making. You're angry with us. That's fine. Take your anger upstairs, and come down once it's cooled down. Let us know when you're ready."

It's not a "time out." It's not a punishment. It's put to them as a method for them to get "unstuck."

When AS kids get into "that mode," no amount of reasoning or arguing will do ANY good.

They have to get themselves out of the mode under their own power, with no outside interference. It has to come from THEM.

Just make sure he's safe, and let him take his time. We have even gotten to the point of realizing that we have to let them do this even if it means they don't get their homework done.

The only time doing this is a huge problem is if we have to go somewhere. Then, sending them to their rooms doesn't work. That's where the "preparation factor" comes in. If we ever have to go anywhere as a family, they all know hours in advance. If they know in advance, these incidents interfering at the time we need to go are now almost non-existent.

Hope this helps.

Thank you for your reply, it does help knowing that this is not a personality disorder that we require institutionalization, (the worry continues for now till I can "let it go") I am very concerned and realizing that it is very likely that he is bipolar as well. I'm also glad that you did state that there is nothing I can do when they are in that state. I have had to let go of anger and frustration for my own health reasons, but like you said it doesn't help and always makes it escalate. I have even come to the point of not worring about if he throws things or puts holes in the walls in certain rooms, because this is something that I will either make him fix later or isn't as important as him taking it out on himself or someone else. He does bang his head quite hard on desks and his knees and will crawl under chairs and desks at school and in public places. I haven't wanted to use it as an excuse but I am finding it looking less "negative" on me as a parent by letting the closer people know that he has Asperger's and ADHD, I usually have to explain quickly what Asperger's is when I am still learning, and really don't want or have the ability to have a half hour conversation, especially if my son is having some sort of episode at the time. Thanks for your imput.

:)