Asperger Syndrome Support Group

my dad who had aspergers was the same.he considered that he could never do anything wrong

Frankly, this is not unique to people with AS. Rather, it is very typical of Parent-Child relationships. Very common.

In fact, it's very common in general for people to not only see their own weaknesses and shortcomings in others, but also very common for them to be vocal about it in others, all the while denying it in themselves.

In my experience, it usually does NO good to point it out to them, UNLESS they come to YOU and specifically asked, "Am I like this?"

Best to keep it to yourself, and take comfort in the knowledge that you do see it, not only in him, but in yourself.

This is particularly the case when your dealing with AS.

Until the Aspie is ready to begin asking questions about themselves, they are NOT ready to hear it from anyone else.

I have AS, and I'm ready now. Before I was, no one could tell me anything.

Yeah, I figured it wasn't unique to only aspie situations in a general sense. I guess what I'm noticing though is that my father is so literal with it. And if I point it out to him, that I don't have trouble with that sort of thing, or that it sounds like something I think he might have trouble with, he gets very angry and upset.
It's very tiring because everybody has areas of uncertainty and it's sometimes hard to feel that level of conviction when he gets that way.

But yeah Sentient- I think that's a great point. A person with AS has to be ready to ask questions. But I think that's where the problem is about my father. He is VERY resistive and unwilling to ask any questions about himself. (In fact, he prefers that I ask him the questions about himself!)My father is far,far, more motived to tell others what their/his problems are.

Neither of my parents is open to hearing about themselves. I wish they were because it would make it easier on me to interact with them and help with the areas they have challenges in.

Gee, Wendy, I have the exact same problems with my Aspie son. He is still in denial about his diagnosis of Aspergers. If I point out to him characteristics of Aspergers that I think he has, he gets furious and says that it's ME who has those issues, not him. I guess he is right about me, but I wish he would acknowlege his own issues.

The reason people with AS do this is because, generally, they are unable to use perception and normal human senses to understand other peoples problems, therefore they believe that any problems that they have had themselves, personal emotional understandings, are the same problems that other people suffer from.

The human brain is capable of rationalizing where fact is unknown or "not capable of being known" due to lack of natural social senses. The rationalization is done by projecting our problems onto other people.

In a nutshell, we (Aspie's) are mostly only able to understand others by what we ourselves have experienced.

Of course, these things completely depend upon the severity. I've gotten a little 'better' as I get older with perceiving people for who they are, and not using judgement of myself as a comparison.

But I suppose the only way anyone, Aspie or not, understands the world is by understanding themselves first.

Before I knew I had some kind of PDD-NOS, I was tormented by my differences, but now I embrace them.

Cristoforo:
Amazing advice! Thank you so much! Yeah I can see what you mean and how my father might be doing that. I can see how a person with AS would use it to help compensate for trouble with perception.

And yeah I agree with you, aspie or not, the way to understanding the world is to understand yourself.