Asperger Syndrome Support Group

is your fiance getting treatment in form of therapy. I looked up a medical website and found that a therapy called cognitive behavior therapy or cbt is useful in aspergers. it can help develop skills like recognizing emotions and help control temper.
Please understand your fiance is not a flawed person; he has a illness that can make it difficult to communicate. urge him to take therapy.

Thanks Bluejohn. No he is not taking treatment. I have looked up info on CBT and it sounds worth a try. I will broach the subject with him today.

Thanks again!

im a female Aspie, ive got emotion and empathy probably more than the average jo. I have heard and witnessed more Male aspies not having any.

Most aspies cant recognise or lable emotions as easily as other people can. We can learn though, depends where he is with all that.

I agree with CBT thing

its not personally aimed at you.

I agree that some of that can be asperger's related; however, if you're with someone that berates you and makes you feel bad, you need to leave. Whether or not they mean to do it, it's still abuse if it makes you feel bad.

it may be that hes not trying to be that way, he just cant tell what your emotions are, and he cant figure out a proper response so he gets defensive. Im sorry that you are having to go through this, but I with the UPs that therapy would do him good, it seems. It could teach im how to regocnize emotion and a proper responce

i agree with what you said Siqs, once i was told its ok for someone to treat me with disrespect, / abuse because they have a condition, and i thought, so do i but i do not abuse others. i think some can hide behind it or use it as a tool.

I'm not sure about all Aspie's but I find it difficult for me to deal with normal conversation simply because of all of the stimulation that comes along with a normal day.

AS causes some of the same type of behavioral problems that are associated with Autism, so if you've ever noticed an Autistic child sitting alone, doing whatever single thing they prefer to do (playing a game or just staring into space, and then someone disturbs them by touching them, talking to them or removing that single point of entertainment, at times they will tend to lose their cool and blow a fuse (a tantrum)

Now, for the stimulation that people with AS find nerve wracking and may not even know it because they are used to the feeling:

- Things as simple as uncomfortable or sweaty clothing (which doesn't take much)
- The wrong food, such as sugar, which can cause anxiety, nervousness, depression (this applies to anyone, but more-so for Aspies)
- Driving a vehicle can be very stressful because of the extreme stimulation and anxiousness
- Lights, bright colors, textures, smells and loud noises and even small sounds, such as ticking or rattling noises (drives me nuts in the car, as sometimes I have to pull over to make it stop!) lol

After a day of all of these things and even more that I haven't listed, some Aspie's find it difficult to do much of anything other than completely let go and relax.

I found out about AS through research just a few weeks ago and realized that I've been afflicted with it my entire life without knowing it.
I felt as though "I found myself" in when I discovered AS and the people on this forum.

I've been with my girlfriend for 5 years and spent the entire time in school and after school doing little of nothing while she busts her butt working fulltime to help support us, which is something I've always regretted but never could do get the guts and the drive to keep a job longer than a few months at a time.

Now that I'm positive what my problems are attributed to, I've been able to make changes and have been feeling better. I've explained all of my problems and afflictions to her and she's been very understanding and it seems as if she's been giving me more affection and attention than ever.

Now the important part:

What most people need to understand about people with AS is that the majority of the time it's difficult for us to do more than one thing at a time (attributed to Autism) so if we are doing one thing (such as using a computer or writing something down, or even just thinking heavily about a subject) and someone tries to talk to us, just as disturbing an Autistic person, we may become upset and tend to brush off the person that is speaking to us by rationalizing that your feelings mean nothing, just so that we can quickly get back to what it is we were doing.

He needs to know that he still has an emotional responsibility to you and that things will not be easy if he doesn't attempt to open up his mind and look for ways to improve his understanding, emotion and empathy towards you.

I hope some of this information helps and yes, I am generalizing, and the majority of this information are things that I have suffered from and made others suffer from as well.

- Chris