Asperger Syndrome Support Group

I think that would be your answer: what you hope to get out of such visits would be suggestions for how to deal with it. It's not just about you trying to help your child, it's about helping you cope with it in a daily way. It must be very emotionally hard for you having him interact in disrespectful and cruel ways.
I think a key to disciplining your son is understanding your son.

Thanks wendy for taking the time to reply I really appreciate any input at all :)

Oh gosh prrrinces...

My son too has "NO currency" and therefore is really difficult to discipline!!! I also relate to the blank why do I care look!! Sometimes he just really doesn't at all.

My son seems to go through phases....for 6 months he'll be mostly ok...then for the next 6 he is just defiant...and for no reason...with an attitude. Fortunately...now he is doing ok.

Now just how do you discipline a kid that could care less about hanging out with friends or doing anything? He CAN ACTUALLY be content just staring at the ceiling in his room!!! So obviously just sending him to his room or punishing him is going to NOT work one bit. The "regular" parenting stuff about kids does NOT work on him either.

My son is very sensitive...and high functioning and bright. He happens to seem to automatically mirror when I am in a "funk" of an attitude even when I do my best to be cheery. I know for me it is important to do my best to create a positive upbeat enviornment that is mentally stimulating to him even when I'm not feeling like it.

Also...it seems like my son's mood and behavior will spiral in a downward path when he is diciplined by being punished. I try to instead implement a positive behavior plan where everything is earned. So he has a schedule that he is supposed to stick to....to get all things done from brushing his teeth...to daily chore.

Even though my son often could care less if he does anything....he does sometimes respond to directions like: "After you eat, brush your teeth and take out the garbage...you then can use your laptop for an hour"

Honestly though...there have been times where his negative mood seemed like it was constant for months. These are the times that I think that I want to revisit putting him back on meds for ADD. They helped his mood and helped him to focus....his self exteem rose and he began to care about stuff. He was able to get things done and had a desire to care about things and cared about his impact on others again.

Sorry if this is a bit of a ramble....I'm kinda in between tasks and didn't want to not respond to this because I have been there so many times.

Feel free to PM me if you like....I'll try to remember to check back to see if I can learn some new ways to be helpful to my own son by reading others replies.

(((HUGS)))

Hi there, I don't have any advice unfortunately, but after reading your message I just wanted to say you are not alone & sometimes it is just crappy! My son also has high functioning AS, smart, etc. He too has been cruel especially lately, and for the first time in quite a while it REALLY hurt, after all, I am his mum, I love him & would do anything for him! I wish I had some great advice for you, I'm just getting through each day & trying to be positve when I can, esp while getting ready for school.

I keep trying to go back to basics & telling him how his behaviour is making me feel, somtimes it gets through, sometimes it doesn't. I certainly cope better with his behaviour when I'm not tired. Hopefully you'll find something that works soon, all the best & remember, your not on your own! HUGE Hugs!

Lynnda-
Yeah I've noticed a mirroring effect too among my DS family members. It might be one way to get your son from contentedly staring at the ceiling. If he mirrors your moods, then what if you tried putting the both of you in very upbeat activities together...or at least activities where even while with his peers, he can observe and share your mood.

There are no “professionals” who can fix your son because there is nothing wrong! You can not fix something that is not broken. You can be like my father and say that he is just broken or you can be a good loving mother.


Disciplining your son will not work well at all because if he is HF-AS and like me he will have problems understanding what he did wrong; he will just think you are a bitch. Instead of discipline after something happens you must make him understand what he did wrong. I am not saying never discipline your son, just make sure he understands what happened and why he is wrong.

The most important thing is to pick your battles. If it isn't hurting someone or destroying valuables, likely it is not worth worrying about.

My parents used to nitpick me to death and scream and yell at me over the smallest things. Mostly they yelled at me over my OCD behaviors, which yelling only made me more stressed and made the behavior increase. The smallest things, like how I have to put a napkin folded into a square over my drinking glass, really bothered my parents and we had screaming matches over it. My dad would rip food out of my hand because I didn't eat dinner (I'm a picky, picky eater) and made a sandwich or something later.

I also advise you not to take things away from your child as punishment. My parents did this to me and it made me feel like my environment was very unstable. The worst thing they did was to throw my pets outside in the cold as a punishment to me. I would stay up all night worrying about them getting run over or attacked by another animal.

I grew up feeling like a bad person and the only things I ever did were my odd behaviors that my parents couldn't stand for whatever reason. It destroyed my self esteem and it's still so fresh even though I'm 24 now and have lived on my own for over 6 years. I have some tears as I'm writing this.

I realize that this kind of treatment was probably abuse and that you probably aren't doing the same thing to your child, but I wanted to share this with you because it shows how easily a child can be scarred. Honestly, I think it's much easier to change a spoiled child's behavior later in life than it is to un-do emotional damage.

~Lasey