What is Asperger Syndrome
Asperger syndrome - also referred to as Asperger's syndrome, Asperger's, Aspergers or just AS - is one of five neurobiological pervasive developmental disorders (PDD), and is chara...
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Dating an Aspie
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I've been dating a guy for a little over a month now, and he just recently told me that he has Asperger's Syndrome. The first week we met we were always talking, either online or on the phone. Then the 2nd week he was quiet, and I thought he had lost interest or found someone else. Then in the 3rd week he was back to talking to me. I thought maybe he was busy with work and that's why he had basically dropped off the face of the earth. We've become a little closer, but then he told me that he has AS, and when I asked him what it was he sent me a link to wikipedia. When I told my friends about AS my friend told me the story of her ex, who was also an aspie. She had met him on an internet dating site and they hit it off well and then she found out he was cheating on her.
I'm a bit worried of the same thing happening. I'm obviously an NT, and just learning about AS. Is cheating a common thing with AS? Or was he just an ass who happened to have AS and make a bad name for the syndrome? I've talked to my guy about this and he avoids the topic, I'm not sure if this is because he's guilty or maybe not understanding the way I'm bringing it up. I'm full of the normal anxieties that come with starting a new relationship, plus I'm learning about AS as I go along. I feel like my head will explode. Does anyone have any advice? Am I just being overly worried? lol Thanks Posted on 02/06/08, 05:02 pm |
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I too am dating an aspie (i have bipolar) and we have had a month from hell where i thought he couldnt possibly love me after he's been so distant since i found out im pregnant! Ive done a lot of reading about relationships with aspergers and come to realise that he has not been rejecting me (as was my perception) but that this is a serious stress to him! Id suggest reading up about having a relationship with someone with this condition, of course, not everyone has the same difficulties or to the same extent but if you're armed with knowledge you can save yourself a lot of heartache and misunderstandings! Good luck! 
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@Anna & BKind
When it comes to me, when I was a child, I would go through "mindsets" where my personality would change with mood, and my mood would change with things as simple as music, colors, smells or even just a feeling that the sun in a certain place in the sky gives me, and it'll change my entire perspective. Nostalgia would bring me into another mindset, or cause me to regress. One day I may feel abnormally outgoing, and the next I might regress into feeling depressed, anxious, or antisocial, like an emotional roller coaster. I've gotten better about staying in the same mindset as I get older, and things are seemingly smoothing out, instead of being a slave to my emotions and my surroundings, I can cope a little better with situations due to making myself get out into the world and challenging my limitations (I think this has to do with how comfortable I am with my current situation in life) Something I've noticed is that, for me at least, is it's often difficult to deal with more than one thing at a time, and it should be taken into consideration that this includes work, social life (if at all), dating, hobbies, etc. But just because it's difficult doesn't mean it's impossible and I've been doing FAIRLY well. I've been with my girlfriend for a little over 5 years now and our plans continue to move closer to getting married, having a home and a family, and since I'm a little slow when it comes to processing things, I'm not exactly positive how well I'll deal, but who ever knows until you give it a shot. As far as cheating, I've never cheated, and would consider it multi-tasking, which is something I'm not good at. Just kidding! I love my girlfriend and wouldn't even try. I wouldn't rule out any Aspie from cheating, but we vary just as much as anyone else. Something that I have difficulty with is thinking on my toes. I have problems processing information actively unless I'm having a good day. Something that really helps people with AS or Autism is being physically fit and eating the right foods, dealing with one thing at a time, and perhaps even breaking that thing down into smaller, organized steps! Living happily with AS, or someone that has AS can be a tedious process, but the good points are there. I'm an affectionate person with someone that I feel comfortable with. I feel that I need someone to show me affection, both physically and verbally, and that I need to make an emotional and spiritual connection with my significant other, which takes being extremely comfortable with her. The best thing I can say is that you should find out what makes your Aspie comfortable (to where they can function optimally), what they are like at their best and their worst, and then figure out whether or not that is what you need in a relationship, or if that's something you could deal with, or should deal with. Aspies can vary from angry to empathetic, anxious to depressed, slow and meek, to hyper and aggressive. Some show all of these traits at different times, and some are only mentally capable of showing maybe one or two of these traits at the very most due to lack of emotional ability and perception. I've been through all of these feelings, but I've been mostly comfortable lately, at least until I'm done with school, then a new world opens up; my career. I hope some of this information helps and if you want to talk or need to talk, add me as a friend and shoot me a message. -Chris
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