Anxiety Disorders in Children Support Group

Hi there,

I can certainly feel for you and your situation. My 9 year old daughter was diagnosed with emetophobia in November. Her fear of vomiting was very intense and she was fearful almost every minute of every day for a few months. As her parents, we were scared and confused and did not understand what was happening to our happy, funny, creative little girl. She became a scared, fearful, anxious little girl so full of nervousness and she was paraylzed by the fear of getting sick. She had great difficulty going to school or doing just about anything. She linked everything in life to the possiblity of getting sick. She was refusing to eat, leave the house or do much of anything. We had no idea how to help her. We started therapy- it helped us to understand her anxiety more, but did not do much to help her cope with the fears and anxiety. We reached a breaking point where something had to be done, so we explore medications. We were scared to think about our young daughter on meds, but she needed some relief and so did we. We tried Zoloft first, but had a bad experience. She is now on Prozac and it has given her her life back. I will not say that she is cured of the emetophobia, but the intensity of the fear is so much less that she is able to work through it. She plays with her friends, enjoys school and smiles again. I am sure that this is not the end of our story with anxiety, but probably more of just the beginning, but we know that brighter days will come.

We have not had to best support and understanding from family and friends mostly becuase they just dont understand. Heck, I certianly did not understand much about this in the beginning either, but living with it day in and day out forces parents to face this issue with their child. I certainly had my tough days, my emotional days and my whats the point days and I found great support here from others who did understand. I hope you have the same expereince here at Daily Strength.

Thank you for your stories. Reading others really helps. I have been struggling for a while now about starting my son on medications. He is 14 and has been suffering from anxiety for the past three years that we know of. However when you now look back at the little things when he was younger I wonder if we missed signs of it earlier on. He has great difficulty going to school and gets sick. He refuses to ride the bus to school for fear of getting sick on the bus which I'm sure at this point the other kids say things to him about it because it has happened so often. I felt so bad the first year when we didn't know what was wrong with him just thought he was actually sick after he started 6th grade. Even took him to the hospital for fluids and tests but nothing was found. He is failure to thrive, 14 and only 90 pounds because his stomach always hurts and he never wants to eat. His stomach hurts every time we leave the house to go anywhere. He is perfectly fine if he stays home. We have been having a bad rebound lately because we just had spring break from school and with every break comes anxiety about going back. I feel so bad having to take him to school while I know he is getting sick and crying. I have sat in my room before and just cried because i have felt so helpless. After being so against starting meds we did try Prozac last year but he had a reaction to it two days after starting and did not want to take it any more. I'm in the process of looking for a good doctor to work with him and possibly try another med this summer. I feel like his pediatric doc is really not helping. You are right other kids, parents, and family don't understand. My son's friends always ask him why he gets sick all the time. The bad thing is he doesn't even know or understand it himself. One day he told me he hated himself and just cried and it broke my heart. Thank you for sharing your stories. It helps to know how other kids have reacted with medications too.

My heart goes so out to you and especially your son. Because I went through some major anxiety almost 20 years ago (before I had my children), I know first-hand how horrible this is; it is even more so for a child who has no perspective due to their young age. Having gone through it, I knew when I saw some red flags with my own children (my daughter will be 16 next month and my son will be 13 next month) and knew we had to address things. Anxiety will not go away on its own – it will only get worse without help.
There are some very good books that can help a parent help their child with ways to manage anxiety. This book, Freeing Your Child from Anxiety: Powerful, Practical Solutions to Overcome Your Child's Fears, Worries, and Phobias [Paperback] Tamar E. Chansky (Author) is a great one. It is a great reference book for parents with some very good practical steps to start taking immediately that can provide some assistance.
Please find a good pediatrician for your son who understands anxiety disorders and has an understanding. They are out there but you have to dig to find them. I went on line for the clinic where I take my kids and they had bio’s on all the doctors. When I found that the head of pedicatrics had a special interest in mood disorders, I knew he would not look at me sideways when I told him my child was anxious. We made this switch a couple years ago and it was a very smart move. Please keep looking – this will make a world of difference for your son.
Medication – we felt our daughter’s anxiety had to be treated on all fronts including medication when she was 13. Honestly without it, she would have been in even a more crisis situation and likely not be able to attend school. She’s a gifted student and makes good grades but staying in school each day was very difficult (as you can imagine – sitting there being a ball of nerves all day long and just wanting to go to the comfort at home). We went to see a very good psychiatrist (over an hour away from our home) who helped with medication (and still does to this day as we’ve adjusted the medication as she’s grown). She too was very very thin and didn’t eat because anxiety really does make you feel too sick to eat. No parent wants to medicate their child but if your child needed medication for diabetes, you wouldn’t think twice. To not medicate and watch a child become more ill, I think is worse.
Prozac helped her a lot. I wish you would have been able to give it more of a try as it takes about 3-4 weeks to really get in their system and start helping. It’s not the cure-all (would be great if it was) but it is part of the solution. Don’t be afraid to try again. Start with a low does and build up. Your pediatrician might prefer you take your child to an adolescent phyciatrist for this and I was fine with that – we needed expert care and we needed it fast. As she felt better, her weight increased and her overall health improved. The worries about sickness are still there and we are working with a therapist now who is doing EMDR therapy (you’ll have to read about this on line – very interesting and hopefully will help this situation).
Please find your son a therapist who specializes in anxiety that can help give him tips and tools to manage it. It is hard finding a good one and we’ve found most of our help in books (like the one I mention above). As your son’s parent, you’ll be his front-line coach and this can be tiring but so worth it. It is a day by day process of celebrating each little victory; more food eaten, maybe a bit more time out of the house. Another book, The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, is a book my daughter is reading and working in with a therapist right now as well. Your son may like that.
Your son needs a good story to tell people for how he is feeling as he gets on top of this. He could tell his friends he has stomach problems that you are trying to work out medically (this is true) and that it’s not his fault he doesn’t feel well much of the time and that he will be feeling better as he is working with a doctor, etc. My daughter went through this too as she would leave class a lot. We found it easier to tell others (at least in the beginning) that she had a bad case of acid reflux (which was true) and that we were working through it. Now she is extremely articulate about her anxiety issues and will explain them to people who want to be educated about them. When she was younger, and very vunerable, it was much easier to explain (and for people to accept) that she had a physical medical issue.
Please tell your son how wonderful and special he is. Tell him to hate the anxiety but not himself; this is not his fault. Wiring and genetics play a huge role. He is not alone. Tell him as you all become more educated about anxiety, he is going to get much better and feel even better than before the anxiety came on full blown. He will learn the skills and tools to feel better and I can tell as his mom, you will be a wonderful guide. Anxiety is a nightmare but anyone can get on top of it and manage well once they have the right information, perhaps medication and the tools. It’s a slow process but getting your life and health back is worth it.
I’ve talked a lot about my daughter (who came home with a stomach ache today – is getting it together and will get back to school this afternoon) but my son also has had some anxiety. I believe starting him on a very good fish oil (good for anxiety) at a young age has helped him become a much more flexible thinker which has helped him manage his anxiety well. He is very thin too and had “selective eating” disorder which we have been working through for the last couple of years with amazing success (I was skeptical we’d make much progress; he ate no meat and very few selections of anything else – mostly carbs). He is gaining weight (was 62 puonds when we started a couple years ago and now is 83) and he is much more open to trying new things (slowly and one at a time). Still a slow process but seeing results has been amazing. This eating issue is also tied to anxiety.
Please stay in touch and let me know how it is going. It can get easier and better and I believe your son will be healthy and thriving. Keep that picture in your mind of him doing well – you will get there. You just need some more support to help you map out the way. A good pediatrician, therapist, books, etc., will help. Also, if you can get the school to understand (as much as possible), that will help too. Summer is coming and that is a great time to put the new support in place and really get going on getting to the other side of this mountain.

Talk to you soon.