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Need Help! My son's anxiety is affecting my marria
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My son is 4 1/2 and has struggled off and on with anxiety since he was about three. The last 7 months have been particularly challenging since he started full time Juniour Kindergarten. He has OCD symptoms as well but we are not sure which one came first just that the anxiety and OCD come hand in hand on a daily basis now. He has received some therapy through groups, we have a behaviour consultant available but is limited, mostly by phone and he has been on a waiting list for counselling for several months now. We have a psychiatric evaluation scheduled for this coming Tuesday so it will be interesting to see what the Dr. thinks. He does pretty well at school, shows some OCD behaviours but really thrives off of the routine and structure it brings to him Mon-Fri. It is at home where he is most comfortable I think and lets it all out.

Anyway....my husband is definitely a trigger for his anxiety. It's as if he cannot wrap his head around the fact that this is who our son is and just accept it and adjust his parenting as I have done. Our little guy (I'm going to call him J.) is very sensitive to changes in routine or sudden changes and especially your tone of voice when talking to him. (He also has some sensory processing disorder and some other small developmental delays from a complicated pregnancy). I just feel like we fight almost everyday now about J. and mostly about his using a threatening or loud (how J. perceives it anyway) tone or his refusal to do the things the way we need to to help him with the anxiety or the obsessive behaviours. We believe in cognitive therapy and J. has definitely started to grasp these ideas, again my husband won't do it. We believe in challenging the behaviours but at the appropriate time not when he is wound super tight and already having an anxiety fit which is when my husband decides to "put his foot down and discipline these behaviours which sends him in a huge downward spiral for at least the rest of the day. From my outside point of view it honestly seems like he just doesn't like him anymore, has no patience for him and can't seem to remember how lucky we are, that he is a smart and loving child who is an important part of our family ( we have two daughters as well). I know he loves him but if he doesn't start acting like it all I feel like doing is scooping J. up and taking him far away

Does anyone have any advice or experience anything similar? I really need him on board soon so J. feels accepted and not to blame for the anxiety. We already get so much opposition or lack of interest/belief from the rest of our families...I need his support and to feel like we are working together. He is a very involved father and treats our daughters like gold. I'm afraid J. will pick up on this soon and it will be too late for their relationship....and for ours. I have a hard time "liking" my husband right now let alone feel attracted to him. I can't respect him when he's not respecting who our son is.
Posted on 03/31/12, 11:11 am
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Reminder: This is a support group for Anxiety Disorders in Children. We trust you will do your best to remain positive and helpful. For more information, see our rules of the road.

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Reply #1 - 04/02/12  9:09am
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Reply #2 - 04/02/12  9:10am
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Reply #3 - 04/04/12  12:57am
" i will volunteer-i will help --call 803-550-1010
i wont let u down---donna "
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Reply #4 - 04/05/12  11:18am
" "Awesomed65...or Donna"

I don't believe you are trying to help at all and seriously, shame on you for preying on a family already in crisis looking desperately for help. I know all about the 800 area code scammers costing people thousands of dollars..you belong in jail. "
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Reply #5 - 04/10/12  8:50pm
" I can really understand where you are coming from. My 14 year old son has been dealing with anxiety for the past 3 years now and it has been aweful and stressful and my husband just thinks he should get over it and that I just baby him too much. He doesn't want to think there is anything really wrong with him and doesn't want him on any drugs. Which at first I was totally against too but it has gotten worse and we have tried therapy. I just want to get him better but don't feel like I have the support of my husband who just wants to yell at him when he complains his stomach hurts. He doesn't understand that yelling at him doesn't make it any better. It's so hard sometimes because like you I feel so angry at him for treating our son that way. "
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Reply #6 - 04/11/12  12:51am
" tir2012.
Thank you so much for your reply. It really helps to feel like I am not alone. My husband is on a shutdown at work right now so I do not see him much which i think is good for us right now and for our son. I have a nice routine going for us all right now and he is managing not too badly. I worry about the transition when he comes back but I think if he can't wrap his head around this all then we'll just try counselling together and I may reach out to more of these support groups for people who understand and can offer help/advice. Our son was diagnosed with OCD and Anxiety Disorder but from a tip from someone I have researched the pandas disease and I think my son may fit into this....I am going to at least check it out and have a physical done and some blood tests for other possible causes before I put him on the medication that was prescribed....thank you again for writing back :) "
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Reply #7 - 04/11/12  6:16am
" You are welcome. A friend of mine actually told me about checking out support groups and after reading the stories I'm so glad I did. It really does help to know there are other people experiencing the same problems. It is hard because friends or family don't always understand. They do not see the child at their worst or have any idea what we are going through as parents. I have sat in my room and just cried several times when things get bad and feel like no one understands and I can't seem to get a true diagnosis or much help from my son's pediatrician. I feel the same way sometimes. My husband works a lot of hours and it is almost like a relief sometimes when he is not around. I think there is a lot less tension. Hopefully counseling will help you. I don't think my husband will go but I have thought about it for myself. Again it's about finding someone good to work with you and it's hard. I guess we just have to keep trying. Praying things get better. "

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