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Discussion:
Fear of my children dying
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I have a three year old son and a ten month old daughter. When my daughter was six weeks old, she had a CT scan done. Since then, I have heard that CT scans can cause cancer. A few months ago, my son had one sore knee and he had to have an x-ray. While waiting for the results, I started worrying that he might have a tumour in his knee.

Over the past few months, I have become so obsessed with thoughts of one of my kids dying from cancer. I google information endlessly and this only makes me feel worse. I create scenarios in my head where I get the bad news and I actually bring myself to a point where my heart pounds and my stomach feels so tight and I often get teary. I think about it every single day.

I even want to have one more child because I am so scared that if one of my children dies, the other will be left without a sibling. Well, that's not the only reason..but it does cross my mind constantly.

It's out of control!!! It is ruining my daily life. Any suggestions with how to cope?
Posted on 02/14/10, 01:45 am
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Reply #1 - 02/14/10  7:36am
" Only you can stop this. I know you don't want to here this but we all have to die some day and as sad a thought children die as well. I am a mother as well of two kids so I know how you feel but you are missing out on enjoying them if you are always worrying about them dying. Once you accept that it is out of your control because life is given from God and only he knows these things. I hope you can get over these thoughts. "
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Reply #2 - 02/14/10  11:40am
" So true. I do think that if I could make peace with the fact that it is out of my control, then I will probably be able to feel more peace and just enjoy each day as it comes. I am not an overly religious person and have really come to question God and faith over the past few years but I want to change that. I think that if I could truly believe in God, then I will also have the peace of heart knowing that if something ever did happen to one of my kids, they would be taken care of afterwards by God. I just have to find a way to find a connection with religion. (I guess I have come to question God because I don't understand how He would constantly allow children all over the world to suffer and die if He really could answer people's prayers.)

Thanks for your thoughts! "
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Reply #3 - 02/14/10  12:41pm
" I have a 29 year old, and I still worry about something happening to her. As parents, are jobs are to protect our children; but there are things we cant protect them from. All we can do is pray and trust God. Yes bad things do happen, but if you can look at life as never ending, you will soon have peace knowing you will have all eternity with your children. Worrying will not add one moment more to anyones life, but it will take away from the joy of life. God has blessed you with these beautiful children, dedicate them to him knowing He has a plan for their lives and trust Him knowing He loves them even more then you do. "
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Reply #4 - 02/14/10  1:25pm
" Well...sounds like your a very attentive mother. Thats good, but worrying so much can also make your kids be hypocondriacs. You dont want your anxiety to affect them. Here it is point blank...you can protect your child as much as you ca, but noone is guaranteed any amount of time here...young, old, rich, poor, great health..so just remember that every day you have with them is a blessing and enjoy them 150%. Life is full of inevitable suffering we cant get around that, but you can learn to not let it consume you and rob you of your right to happyiness. (Plus one CT scan is not likely to cause anything serious. but it is great that you love your kids so much.) "
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Reply #5 - 02/14/10  4:32pm
" Everything you all have said is so true...I just need to learn to really believe it and think those types of thoughts instead of constantly worrying about how I would cope if I lost one of them. Thank you! "
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Reply #6 - 02/15/10  1:55pm
" You seem to want to have a connection with God - I believe that this desire is enough, so if you sincerely ask Him/Her for that connection, He will give it to you - You don't have the power to create it within yourself. but God can make it happen, if you really desire it - and then you can relinquish your children to God, and have some peace...

I can relate to your worries - my son is 28 years old, but he is an alcoholic, and lives a very "marginal" life. When he doesn't call, I have all kinds of scenarios in my head about him lying in a hospital somewhere, or worse. The only thing that holds me together is relinquishing him to God, and praying for him. During my prayer for him, I receive a lot of consolation that he will be OK.

Also, people who have gone through near-death experiences and return to life are always told that "it is not their time" to pass on - and sociologists have come to the point where they have collected innumerable stories of people who have had these kinds of experiences, documented from all over the world - so I believe that we do not die before our time, no matter what dangerous situation we may be in, and that also helps me in dealing with my son...

I believe God grieves over the suffering and death of little kids all over the world, more than we do - but there is a mysterious element of free will in life, which He does not interfere with - He sees the "big picture", and we don't...so I feel one day we will understand why so many suffer and die...and why we ourselves suffer - reach out to God, and He will reach out to you, and console you -

I didn't mean for this to be "preachy", but wanted to reassure you -

Janet "
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Reply #7 - 09/03/12  7:44am
" Christie, reading your post I thought I was reading my life !!!
I too have a deep deep fear of losing my children. I think up all these terrible scenarios of how they could tragically die.
I try to find peace in GOD but I too have asked the question how could he allow other children to have died - some as young as 5mths.
I have joined internet support groups - I have bought books to overcome this fear. I am still struggling with this - it really does ruin your life.
When I am with my kids I give them 150% of my attention so I try to not let it spoil my moments - but these thoughts creep up on me and especially when I am at work or alone.
I think they are actually getting worse - I am considering going to my GP but I really don't want to take medication.... "
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Reply #8 - 09/03/12  10:04am
" Sighs,

Been there, i was so obsessive over my sons welbeing i cannot tell you. I have to admit to the point where i thought (attempting to be unbiased) i was irrational. I mean to the point of having movement sensors in his cot and all sorts of gadjetry and even that not being enough spending nights over his cot making sure he was still breathing i mean i am seriously protective.
However i have reasons for that i can justify in my mind so perhaps from an analytical persuasion maybe i am exempt for thinking my fears are irrational and not explainable.
However...
With anxiety you are predisposed to feeling anxious and magnifying these thoughts. Anxiety feeds anxiety it is the nature of the beast and what you have to realise is the thing you fear the most in this world as a parent is the peril of your children.
It is how we are as a species and it is the most natural and pure of all compulsions to be a "parent" one that does NOT have a limited spectrum for someone with anxiety because anxiety will broaden your spectrum of potential dangers. Factor into that the natural instincts we have as a parent and then magnify it tenfold and you have the idea.
Believe it or not....it does get better, smiles. Takes blooming ages but it does. It is an integral part of getting your overal anxiety disorder in check and when you apply some methods of improving your overall anxiety you anxiety directed to your children will reduce...thas not bonefide..just my experience it helped me.
I am more relaxed now with him and it helps not only me but him because he can see i am less tense around him and that transfers to him and as a result he is more confident.
You WILL get there and you will find the path yourself.

EL "
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Reply #9 - 09/03/12  10:05am
" but it IS a long road and the sooner you stop "trying to get to the end of it" the sooner it comes "

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