What is Anxiety
Anxiety refers to a complex combination of negative emotions that includes fear, apprehension and worry, and is often accompanied by physical sensations such as palpitations, nause...
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I feel like I am on the losing end of the stick. I have started to become numb to feeling helpless...which is good. I can cope better that way.
My story as of recently. I moved to NYC because I was looking for...well love and happiness...and excitement. Well I found anything but. My first year I lived in an apartment that had roaches EVERYWHERE!! They would crawl on me at night and come out of the oven while cooking. Really gross! That apartment didn't help me with my anxiety level. Towards the end a new roommate moved in..Great....He was an alcoholic! He would come on to me and I would lock myself in my room and he would retaliate by breaking things in the apartment and punching things. I moved from that apartment and moved into what I thought was bliss. Turns out I was wrong. Soon after that I find out my mom has Hep-C and Cancer. Luckily the cancer was caught on time. Phew I can breathe again..but..Now my grandfather has terminal cancer. He dies. a few months later my grandmother dies. My dogs are like my kids...One night my dog ends up paralyzed from the waist down. I am not going to get down and out about this now. It doesnt effect me because he is a fighter and he walks on all 4 feet again and we manage his spinal condition. But since he is a dog he doesnt understand his disabilities and I have to constantly be on top of him saying no dont run dont jump..and take him to his various Dr.s appointments....for his various conditions....that he has developed in the past year alone! I no surprise go into a long episode of depression. I find no joy in anything. I lost my job before that but I have no desire to go find a new one. Why? whats the point? This drags on for a while. A little longer than a year I stay in that state of depression. My bf tries to understand but can't. Shortly after that I get diagnosed (all within like 6 months) with asthma, high blood pressure, interstitial cystitis, mitral valve prolapse, hashimoto thyroidis and have already had 2 biopsies on my thyroid...I now have to get that done every 6 months for the rest of my life or until I develop cancer. Insomnia gets worse anxiety gets worse. Im now having anxiety attacks night after night just crying myself to sleep. I feel pathetic. I begin to hate nyc I start to feel like a failure. I can't make it here. I decide its time to return home. I cant yet. I have to finish school. My boyfriend and I decide to break up. I am doing pretty good now. I feel like I can breathe again. I feel the depression leaving..lifting...I can find happiness again... I am fighting to stay this way. I recently in the past 2 months or so started having a mouse infestation in my tiny apartment. Its seriously gross. It really made my insomnia and asthma much worse ...How can i sleep when mice are crawling around all night? I have been fighting anxiety. I have been doing my best NOT to take valium. I want to. I want to sleep at night and not be stressed and freaked but I dont want to rely on a medication to do that for me. I want to learn to do it myself. I woke up this morning and found a BED BUG on my wall my bedroom. I am freaked..and stressed...roaches bedbugs mice...Im sick of it..I am sick of nyc...I really am...I am tired...I am tired of being sick and tired (literally). Sorry I went on for a while.. I really am trying to stay positive and stay out of depression and anxiety attacks. I am trying so hard because I am alone here. I dont have many friends or any family here. I need to be strong. I need to just make it through 6 more months and I am home bound. Why does 6 months seem so long? Posted on 11/06/09, 06:11 pm |
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Wow! Your story is amazing. I think you should allow yourself to explore medication options. You might be able to sort things out better if you can find some relief from a med. I mean, grad school alone is a huge stressor. In addition to that you are dealing with so many other things! It is no wonder you have high blood pressure. Lexapro has really helped me. Maybe something like this will help you to manage everything.
What are you studying in grad school? Almost done? :) 
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THANKS GUYS! The validation is really helpful. I was feeling really weak.....Um I studying to be a ....well this part is ironic..a psychologist! I am specializing in forensics and addictions. I want to help others cause I know what it feels like to feel effed up! Yes I am almost done with my masters (this semester) but I am applying to doctorate programs (to schools back home though!)
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Phew that was even hard to read so to go through it must have been hell but look at you now , you done it all without going nut's . You must give yourself credit for that, very important . Hell not many could cope with that but you did . So good on ya . Maybe nyc isn t right for you just now. Go home if thats wat you wanna do. Even writing your post is good for recovery , getting it off your chest is good :) vent all you like . Thats wat we're here for , to help eachother wen we're down x
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Medication for MVP? What type of meds are there for that? My cardiologist told me that MVP has no symptoms except palpitations sometimes and that its just something I need to get checked out every once in a while...Nothing more than that was said...what should I know more about having MVP?
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Thanks Laur31 lately I have started giving myself credit..I was doing really bad before..but I am doing MUCH better now...I still have my moments and I am fighting to stay "okay"....
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Im scared to take antidepressants....i dont mind antianxiety meds...I dont like taking any meds on a regular basis though....I think I want to go see a therapist though...I think that would help...
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Seeing a therapist sounds like a good idea. It really helped me a lot. I did a group and individual sessions and both really helped me to improve my anxiety. Good luck!
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Hey girl good for you, I have a few bachelor's under my belt as well and one is psychology minor in social. your so close to getting done!! Dont give in.
There is always counseling there at the college, and its private and free. I found great counselors at my second college. This is how bad I am, I went because I got a C grade on a calculus test. You have way more issues then that to cope with. I did look up those critters for you last night and you are right about the bedbugs. It takes a professional to get rid of them because how they can burrow down into things and hide. They mentioned you can get those jaw traps, which are humane for mice and use that foam stuff or caulking to plug up holes. So there is some more info for ya.
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Your right to be weary of anti dep, because you are still able to go to college etc , now if you couldn t leave the house then that would be a problem . i've just joined living life to the full and its free online cbt also i've had hypnotherapy which was fab because if my head was hanging off i still feel possitive . Differant to the person i was , and of course the self help books on anxiety and stress are a life saver . The more you stock up on the better you wil become xxx
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